Happy New Year!

Happy noo dear everyone! I am in Calcutta and on an unsecured wireless network but I don't really have any time to myself to write. Anyway, this year seems to have started off somewhat mediocrely. I'll have to think about new years resolutions a bit over the next little while. A couple that come to mind right away: to eat more Mayo Clinic Top 10 Foods and to give people my undivided attention.

Chomp!

Honestly, sometimes India makes me miserable. I would have slept well but I got bitten three times: twice on the chin and once on the arm. I don't know where the mosquito came from since it's January (!) but naturally it would find me somehow. I'm all swollen and puffy and itchy and grumpy. Other than that, things are great. I'm online (it's dial up but surprisingly fast), I have already had my favourite dessert (rasmalai), my parent's new flat is amazing - high ceilings, marble floors, spa-style bathrooms - if a bit cavernous for just two of us. And we've already talked to the important people so hopefully today will be good, whenever we figure out what we're doing exactly.

We booked our tickets to Calcutta for Monday afternoon. I somehow have to find a way to tell my grandfather that I won't be staying with him because A has rented a flat close to her ailing grandmother. When there are this many people to coordinate with, things get much more difficult. Today will likely be the reverse. We have no real plans. I'm hoping to do some shopping but it's Sunday and I never know in Asia when things are going to be open. In Hong Kong, everything was open on Christmas Eve and most things were open Christmas Day and Boxing Day. Even the grocery store was open til 10 pm on Christmas Day. It was great, actually. For those of us who don't celebrate and feel like we're misisng out, it was good to get all of my errands done. It didn't feel like a special day at all until we went out with some friends for dinner.

One thing I wanted to mention after my last post was the food on Cathay Pacific. It was actually excellent. My dad's omelette, hash brown and sausage was decent as far as plane food goes. But I chose the Indian vegetarian option (because I'm allergic to eggs - have I mentioned that before?) and it was good. I mean, it was comparable to street food in any Little India anywhere in the world. It may have even been as good as real Indian food from India! I was very impressed. And the service on CP is as good as I remember. My dad can be a pretty surly old man sometimes and the flight attendants accommodated his every grunted request for water and a newspaper.

In the absence of familia drama, I have discovered a new source of anxiety. How will I manage to travel in India on my own when my parents are gone? Sometimes I doubt that I will come here when there is no longer anyone left to visit. But worse, what happens when my parents want to travel here and I have to be the responsible one? The one who arranges for a driver to pick us up a the airport, instructs the cook and housekeeper, orders the water and makes sure the flat is livable? I am having to do some of that already because my dad is approaching 70 and apparently just barely manages to muddle through these things now. Even finding the keys to the locker at the bank took a half hour phone call to my mother and an extensive search of all of the locked cupboards in the bedrooms. Sigh. I can't worry about that now but I'm going to have to learn the language at some point. And make some of my own connections so that I'm not completely at a loss when I do have to be the grown up.

Okay, must go respond to C le V's emails before my dad gets up.

Hong Kong International Airport

I'm at HKIA waiting for my flight and I got 30 minutes free internet access! All I had to do was buy a bottle of water which I was going to do anyway. This airport is probably one of the best places in the entire world. It's huge, for a start and the gates are connected by a rapid light rail. You can buy just about anything imaginable from chocolate to wonton soup to Chanel. I tried to buy some Duty Free alcohol for New Years Eve but I couldn't find anything that I though A and I would both enjoy. Well, champagne but I'm not sure I should put that in my checked luggage on the flight to city #3. Anyway, I digress.

This airport is amazing. I think everyone should fly through here at least once. It's efficient and pretty and clean and quiet despite the thousands and millions traveling through here daily. Even checking in is super easy. You can check your luggage up to 24 hours before your flight at one of a number of airport stations in the city. Then all you need is your boarding pass, travel documents and carry-on luggage. I have taken some photos which I will probably upload when I get home in January. I should probably go as I left my dad at the gate and he thinks I'm just buying water when I actually went to the washroom, walked around this wing of the airport and window shopped.

Outbound leg 2

Okay, I'm off to city #2 for a couple of days before heading onto city #3. It is more than likely my internet access will be severely restricted for several days, if not until the middle of January when I return to city #1. I will try my best to get online without compromising my blog. Wish me luck! Happy New Year everyone.

Oh, and just as a little teaser, I'm doing this just after New Years...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sundarbans
I'll try not to get dead ;)

Last day in city #1

Tomorrow morning we leave for city #2 very early and I have a busy day today so here is a very rushed post. Got an email from ClV and responded. On the agenda for today is: repack the suitcase for city #2, go see Quantum of Solace with my mother, meet various high school friends that I found through facebook at various times for coffee and dinner. I'm anxious about that bit. It's going to be a long day. I'm hoping to do a tiny bit of shopping as well.

Curry Christmas

It's Christmas yo! My mom asked me yesterday whether I wanted her to buy a ham and roast it or something. Or just eat chicken curry leftovers from two days ago. I voted for the chicken curry leftovers. Last night, my parents and I went to one of the ubiquitous tourist night markets with my friend, The Actress, from high school, her parents and another close family friend, Mr K. It was pretty fun actually. I got used to all of the crowds very quickly but my lungs and sinuses are definitely suffering from the poor air quality. It's still a little chilly here but The Actress' mother was trying to convince me they were swimming in the ocean last weekend because it was so hot. Figures I would bring the cold Canuck weather with me!

I didn't buy anything but The Actress bought a lot of useless junk. Grey asked me to look for Coach for his assistant and I did find a couple that I liked but I have no idea what she might want since I've never met her. We didn't walk back through the market (basically a lane) so I didn't go back for the purse. I have lots of time though so I can go back there in January if I decide that's what I want to buy.

I got an email from Capitaine le Vomi. He started it off "hello sweatheart". Not sure if that was a typo or intentional. He said he was looking forward to my coming back. Is that the same as telling me he misses me? As far as I'm concerned, he's as far away now as he was before for all the talking and visiting we've ever done. Plus I'm still not sure I can overlook the vomit weekend fiasco yet.

Anyway, I'm getting off the computer now before the 'rentals barge in and wonder what the heck blogger is. The mortification if they ever found this private, online journal! Plans for today include pjs and tv. Plans for tomorrow include dinner with a long lost and very close friend from high school. She's nuts but I have a feeling we'll connect just like old times.

Jet lag brain

Jet lag sucks. I was hoping to stay up til at least 10 pm but I don't think that's going to happen. Granted, the documentary on the Amazon River wasn't helping. So just a quick post and then I'm going to put in my ear plugs and go to bed. When I woke up this morning, I was still anxious. Likely only getting 1.5 hours sleep didn't help any. But by the time I got to the gate and wrote a few words in my journal, I was actually looking forward to the trip. Not the flight, although it wasn't that bad and I slept quite a lot. I was even looking forward to seeing my parents at the airport which is unusual enough to warrant mentioning. However, my mother decided not to come to the airport so it was just me and my dad. That's okay too. It took us a good hour at least to get home and driving around this city was harrowing, just as I remember it. My dad suggested that I try driving his car but I won't. Not least because it's the wrong side of the road (the right side, actually) but also because it's a nice car and everything is crazy here. My heart was in my mouth the entire ride home which just goes to show how quickly you can get used to "better" conditions. I was born and raised here so I should be used to it. I'll get used to it again quickly. I always do.

After I got here, I spent an hour on the phone with A. It helps to be closer in time zones although she hasn't got over her jetlag and she's been in this half of the world for over a week now. Then in the evening, my mother dragged me over to a neighbour's. They moved shortly after my parents moved but they were our neighbours since I was in Grade 5. I took french classes and ballet classes with their older daughter but hadn't seen her in 15 years. It was weird. She's different. I must be too. Not sure if I'll be seeing her again this week. I can't believe tomorrow is Christmas Eve. We have to keep reminding ourselves that we might not be able to do everything we want to because things might close early. Then again, they might not. We were thinking of going to the night market tomorrow. Grey asked me to find out how much Coach purses went for in this part of the world for his administrative assistant so I might have to do some shopping. But what I really want is to stay "home" and do nothing.

A couple of you have asked where "home" is. I was going to tell you but let's play a guessing game. I'll drop hints and you can make some edumacated deductions. But I have to confess, I made a mistake with the flight time. It was actually closer to 16 hours from Toronto.

Frazzled

I would love to write about the wedding because Grey and I had a lovely time together. He was the ideal date and I invited him to our work event in February because he was so good.

But I'm too frazzled and anxious right trying to get organized to leave to think about yesterday at the moment. I just finished packing but I still don't feel ready to leave. Perhaps because I have finally found a place that feels like "home", I no longer feel as though I am going "home" anymore. It's unexpected and unsettling. I miss home and I haven't even left yet.

Anyway, suitcases are packed, I'm checked in (second last row on the plane, window seat, 14 hour direct flight) so I just have to check my bags, proceed through security and pick up a bottle of water. I have a blanket, a pillow, change of shoes so I don't have to wear my woolly winter boots when I get off the plane, snacks, books, ear plugs and a sleep mask. I just went through my travel checklist and remembered bug spray and sunscreen. Not sure if I should take a hat. I probably should, just in case. Hopefully it doesn't get squashed in my suitcase. Have I mentioned I hate packing for two different climates while leaving a third, completely different one? Ugh.

It doesn't help that Capitaine le Vomi called this evening and we talked for an hour and a half when I should have been packing. He quite specifically asked me what date I would be back and when I would find out about flying to New Brunswick. I think that means he wants to see me.

Mass confusion prevails. Now would be a great time for bed.

Weekly phone call

Capitaine le Vomi phoned this afternoon and we talked for half an hour about stuff. I had just about given up on hearing from him as the last email was Wednesday afternoon during the TSX meltdown. He told me he would maybe call me that night. But then I went out and partied which was a good thing because no phone call. No further emails. Then, two in rapid succession this afternoon. In the second email, he said he might try calling me. Which he did. Before I could finish typing a reply. That boy is very confusing. But lengthy, funny emails and occasional phone calls do not a relationship make. They barely constitute a friendship, especially when our grand total meetings number three, one of which was spent vomiting cranberry, orange and vodka all over everything. I have learned my lesson though and will not be mentioning my extracurricular activities with Grey to him or any other man.

I am exhausted but can't seem to drag myself to bed. I did eleventy loads of laundry this evening and wish I had started earlier in the week. It's a real drag to have four pairs of jeans and a pair of purple cords hanging on my drying rack in addition to all the sweaters, bras, mitts, toques, long johns and dress pants. Poor little contraption is buckling under all that weight.

I'm really looking forward to the wedding and reception. Hopefully the roads will be cleared when I wake up and the drive to Snowville won't be too crazy. Fingers crossed!

It's been a month...

If a booty call is pre-arranged, is it still a booty call?

I just got home from Grey's. He was in a very good mood yesterday which was nice. Not drunk and not (very) high. I made him laugh a lot. I don't think he appreciates that. He did seem to appreciate the effort it took for me to find and actually wear a matching set of white lace underwear instead of my usual 100% cotton schtuff imported from M&S and VS full coverage IPEX bra. I can't help it though. Lace is itchy and cotton is comfy. Plus, you can just throw it in the laundry. There has to be a reason that men don't wear lace. Why should I have to wear it?

Anyway, I told him it was his Christmas present. And then we had a discussion about how December sucks and we both wish Christmas would disappear. But that, as long as there are kids to open presents, there will always be Christmas. Apparently he's buying toboggans for his nieces this year. I can only imagine how thrilled his brother and sister-in-law will be when he shows up with those next week.

He's looking forward to 11-course Chinese banquet at the wedding tomorrow. We talked about how I haven't taken a date to a wedding in 5 years. 5! And that he's not a real date anyway. Because I don't have to babysit him, make sure he has a drink at all times, have polite conversation and be nice to each other. Why ruin a good thing, right? Sometimes it's hard for me to maintain this tough girl act. I'm an affectionate person in relationships and his nickname for me, "suction cup", is appropriate. But for some reason he doesn't respond to that. I think he actually prefers to be the affectionate, cuddly one. We cuddled a lot last night and this morning. It was nice. It was nice to hold hands and fall asleep together. To be spooned and do the spooning.

So how do I find me a guy that wants to do those things and actually go on dates and talk and stuff? Sheesh, if I had known it would be this hard to find a new relationship, I would have stayed with X for another 7 years in Tibet. Actually, I really wouldn't have. This arrangement seems to be working out just fine for now. And he didn't completely freak out when I proposed living with him in April which is remarkable. But the more I think about it, the less I want to live with him. I'm really going to start looking for a cheaper place to live in the new year.

First though, nap time. I don't sleep well with others.

Oh dear...

I ended up partying tonight. It's Wednesday! Well, technically I suppose it's Thursday. Ouch, this is going to hurt in the morning. We started at Spice Route and then ended up at lobby. The vodka-cran would have been okay... if it hadn't been for the mystery vodka shots with lime around midnight. And it's too late to place a booty call! I need a younger booty buddy. Someone who answers his phone after midnight. Urgh...

Blah

How can it be that I have nothing to write about? I could tell you that I found the perfect travel journal. Same size as last time but covered in shoes!
http://www.peterpauper.com/product_info.php?products_id=2911&cPath=25_67

I heard from The Crush. Well, actually I texted him to ask if I should spend $5 on Crime and Punishment. He texted me back 2 hours later to tell me it was worth it. Too late. He said he is decorating the house for (I assume) the party on Saturday. The one he still hasn't officially invited me to. Fortunately I plan to have a post-wedding party of my own with Grey. I imagine it will be much more fun.

It's a freakin' WinterWonderland right now. I was watching the repeat finale of So You Think You Can Dance Canada with my friend with the painted pink dress and had no idea. It's pretty and all but the roads better be ploughed by the time I leave work tomorrow. And I get to go to work tomorrow. Yay, money!

Money is good because I completely forgot I have to buy gifts for all the people I'm visiting while I travel. My dad reminded me today. So Thursday will be shopping day. I do not enjoy the mall in December. Give me a Tuesday morning in mid January when it's quiet.

Okay, that's all I got. My life is boring and blah. I hate December.

Ow

My stomach really freakin' hurts. Not all the time but a lot. Enough that I can't sleep lying down. Propped up on a pillow on the couch seems to be better. I can barely keep my eyes open and I really have to go to the bathroom but I can't tear myself away from the internets.

Today I bought myself a new top. I don't need it but it fits quite well. It was expensive though. What do you think? Should I keep it?

Bloated

I haven't blogged because I haven't had much to say. I spent Wednesday in my pjs on the couch, Thursday at the office not really doing any work and today doing marginally more than the other two days. So, in reverse order of the things that made me happy:

1. I finally got to have my belated birthday dinner at our favourite all-you-can-eat sushi place. I attempted to eat myself catatonic but failed. I am now just bloated from raging hormones and excessive salt intake. It was totally worth it though. Baby was obnoxiously rude today which really tried my patience but that will soon pass. I just hope our two friends aren't too annoyed that she told them she was going to return their wedding gift because she could get it free on points and is planning to use the money towards her china set instead. I told her that she was being tacky but she dug herself deep into that hole. Then she felt guilty. She blamed me for making her feel guilty but that just rolled right off.

2. I spent half an hour on the phone with Capitaine le Vomi. He called me after lunch and we chatted about the usual randomness. Honestly, I can't figure out that guy. Perhaps I shouldn't try. Friends it is, until he notifies me otherwise.

3. Received a text message from The Crush. He has been sick for most of the week since his client's funeral. We went back and forth a bit during dinner when I finally got fed up and told him I would call him after dinner. He sent a cryptic message and I replied with "okay so I shouldn't call you?" He sent another cryptic message and I lost my patience. Told him that he was the one playing games with me, that I was turning my phone off for the remainder of dinner and would call him afterward if he was lucky. I didn't. Sent him a text to find out if he needed anything and told him to feel better soon. Poor guy has to be at work at 8 am. But really, I'm tired of his indecisive crap as well. Friends, until he notifies me otherwise.

One thing that really did not make me happy was finding out at 5 pm that three drilling jobs scheduled for next week have been canceled. I had planned to work all next weekend and they were going to pay for my VISA bill and Montreal trip. I hate when that happens.

Oh well, more food tomorrow. I'm attempting a new apple crumble recipe for Baby's Christmas dinner. Hopefully it doesn't suck.

Gruntled

Ugh, I feel so gruntled today. I don't know what's wrong with me. Hormones maybe? I feel edgy and restless and exhausted and unfulfilled. I'm leaving in less than 2 weeks and I should have a crapload of work to do but I can't seem to get into it. Maybe I'll take tomorrow off and be a bum. After all, that's what I did all day yesterday. I went to work today but there wasn't too much for me to do. I don't want to spend any time with any of my friends either. I had dinner with J tonight and that was okay but only because he's low maintenance and doesn't require much conversation. Why can't I find a man like that? Just a guy who wants to have dinner and watch the game with me. Seriously, is that too much to ask??

Ugh, I'm going to bed.

Monday meh

It occurs to me how anticlimactic this Montreal trip was. It was supposed to be different. Maybe not better, but there was supposed to be a more conclusive outcome. Wasn't there?

Nothing happened today. The Crush's "Will touch base w/u 2moro" didn't materialize. Surprise, surprise. Oh, I messaged The Other Guy asking if we should be facebook friends again after Friday night's vomit fiasco. He said yes on the basis that he clearly needs someone to periodically swab the decks. I am changing his name to Captain Vomit. He's a pirate. He probably thinks that makes me his wench.

Wait, there was one minor event this afternoon. I had coffee with my American buddy from school. He asked me if I would have dated him had he been single when we met. I refused to answer on the basis that there is nothing to be gained from hypothetical conjecture. Plus, his wife is lovely and I'm annoyed that he would even ask. I punched him which he took to be a good sign. Then I said "you interpret that whichever way will make you happiest my dear" which he took as a bad sign.

Montreal highlights and lowlights

I just spent 2 hours on the phone with The Other Guy. I really like talking to him. Enough that The Crush's company pales in comparison. Here are the weekend highlights. And some very lowlights.

Friday
Made good time to Montreal with the princesses. Road trip was fun but was very nervous at prospect of seeing The Other Guy.
Got upgraded to an outrageously awesome suite.
Looked hot.
Went to a gorgeous apartment in the gay neighbourhood for drinks.
The Other Guy was there. It was marginally uncomfortable but I distracted myself by playing with the hostess's teacup Yorkshire terrier.
Went to La Mouche. Danced with fabulously hot stomp dancer. Talked to a tall, dark and handsome man briefly.
The Other Guy got wasted, was obnoxious, hitting on me and everyone else, including the hostess with the teacup Yorkshire terrier. Her boyfriend and his entourage was unimpressed. As was I.
Shouldered the responsibility of getting him home before he got us all kicked out and/or in a fight with the guys we were with. Missed out on saying goodnight to tall, dark and handsome man.
While in the cab and on the walk home, The Other Guy proposed marriage and some other unsavoury (albeit interesting) things. Was too focused on making sure he remained upright to pay any real attention.
Spent the next two hours making sure he didn't aspirate his own vomit and mopping up said vomit. It's hard to roll a 167 lb man onto his side.
Called The Crush. He showed up with their friend The Player to rescue me. Was profusely grateful.
Got back to my hotel at 4.30 am.

Saturday
Woke up and dealt with the aftermath of Friday night.
Went to breakfast with The Crush and our respective entourages while The Other Guy stayed home. Spoke to him on the phone though and filled in some gaps.
Walked halfway across downtown (uphill to St Laurent) in search of bagels. Only realized after an hour that The Crush had not actually GoogleMapped the address and had only a vague idea of where he was taking us.
Put the pissed off princesses in a cab and went back to the hotel for a nap.
Got ready for Saturday night. Looked *OUTRAGEOUSLYHOT*. Seriously.
Went to a fabulous sushi place. Was reminded that The Other Guy tried to kiss the hostess with the teacup Yorkie.
Played bad cop and uninvited The Other Guy. Felt shitty. Was not sufficiently entertained by The Crush to take my mind off it.
Went to W. Felt inhibited by The Crush's sister. Not that there was anything specific. Just felt unflirty while she was sitting next to him.
Danced with stomp dancer from Friday night. Felt significantly better. Got very sweaty. Ended up having a great time.

Sunday
Woke up, packed, rolled out after successfully locating the bagel place on St Viateur.
Made it home in good time but all the while missing The Other Guy and disappointed that I didn't get to see him after Friday.
Exchanged text messages with The Crush. He was too tired to come over tonight.
Watched a ton of CSI NY while trying not to fall asleep.
Received phone call from The Other Guy at 10.30 pm.
Talked and laughed. A lot. Felt confused but happy. Sort of.
Hung up phone at 12.30.
Wrote blog entry.

Sigh. Why are men so useless? Scumbags even? He was sufficiently thankful and sorry for the Friday night fiasco. But I'm more disappointed that the chemistry with The Crush seems to be dying. It may be related to his general disorganization and lack of planning. Also, he still doesn't make me laugh.

I'm not sure if I can be friends with The Other Guy. He does things to me. Makes me laugh and miss him. I guess I have feelings for him and I don't think I can handle a friendship at this point. If I ever speak to him again, I may have to tell him that. Is it okay for me to tell him that? Plus, it's not really fair to The Crush. Maybe I shouldn't be dating him either. Maybe I'm not really even dating him! We're definitely sliding into the friend zone. Perhaps it's time for a boy hiatus.

Overstimulated and antisocial

I'm back from Montreal. It was stupid, ridiculous, fun, exhausting and, a couple of times, I regretted going. There is much to tell but there was little to no progress (regression even?) on the boy front - which I know is the only thing interesting about the entire weekend. However, I'm not even making phone calls tonight because I don't want to talk to anyone about it. I might feel like writing more after some TV. And it's freakin' cold here. I'm not impressed.

Don't read them all at once

So, for those of you not using a reader or feed, between last night and this morning, three new blog entries to keep you entertained while I party a Montreal.

Permanent link to this comic: http://xkcd.com/513/

Did I mention I'm meeting The Crush's baby sister tomorrow? This could be the kiss of death for my new, would-be bicycle. Fish has a new bicycle too. http://thisfish.ivillage.com/love/
I hope I get to at least push my bicycle around the block for Christmas. I don't need to ride it! Maybe just ring the bell? Or maybe he could ring mine....

Ring my beeeeell, ellll, elllll, ring my bell, my bell, dingalingaling!

Size... what?

Wait, there was one other thing. I read Orange Bandage's post just now and remembered something that happened today. http://orangebandage.blogspot.com/2008/12/cant-sleep.html
I would have remembered in the morning. It's just the way my brain processes information.

I commented on her post today that I have body image issues. They're not serious but they're bad enough that I have been eating considerably less since I was called chubby in October. Rationally, I realize in my head that I'm not actually fat. Sure, I could lose 10 pounds and not be unhealthy. Whether I should or not, I can't say anymore. I would prefer to be 20 pounds lighter but I am slowly learning to accept that my body is okay. I have upper body strength which is important for a single girl living alone. I have breasts which I have become attached to. I have a perky ass which is important. And I have abs under the flab (mental note, do some pilates tomorrow). I'm told I am pretty and I can see that objectively I'm not hideous. I think I'm funny looking though. I wish I was a beautiful skinny girl with large boobs and a tiny waist and a perfect ass and long straight arms and legs. If only wishing would make it so.

Two things happened today.

Baby called me at work today and asked if she could borrow one of my dresses for her Christmas party. I laughed because a) I have like 2 dresses in my closet and b) she could fit into my clothes twice. Or so I thought. Granted, she's shorter than me but she fit into my university graduation dress perfectly. I really thought I was significantly bigger than her. She fit into a couple of other dresses really well too. One that I haven't worn since 2002 and another that I haven't worn since high school. Not because they don't fit. But they're a little dated and I never wear floor length dresses. Anyway, clearly I was wrong about our respective sizes.

My friend in the painted pink dress tried on a pair of jeans today. Size 6 Boyfriend 77 antique wash jeans at American Eagle. I bought two pairs last week and dropped them off for hemming. When I tried them on at the seamstress, she said I looked like a size 2 or 4 and wanted to try them on herself. When she said the size 4 was too small but the size 6 fit perfectly, I almost fell over. I have always thought that she was much, much tinier than me. Granted, she's several inches taller so she is proportionately smaller. But I thought she was actually smaller around than me. She always looks amazing in dresses whereas I think I have a kangaroo pouch. I have been jealous of her for years.

I'm not sure what to do with this information just yet. I'm tired and my brain needs time to process it. It might be the beginning of a breakthrough. I'm not entirely sure yet. But I think I can make some body image progress with it. Slowly. Very slowly.

Not feeling it

Ugh, I'm exhausted and haven't started packing or cleaning yet. Ugh. I'm really not mentally prepared for a weekend of hard partying, binge drinking and uncontrolled spending. On a slightly more positive note, I've decided which outfits to bring with me and didn't have to spend any money doing it. I think I'm going conservative clubby with a loose but low cut black chiffon tank top on Friday night for La Mouche and my classic black and white strapless number on Saturday for Buona Notte. Over jeans, naturally. The backup outfit is my LBD but I'd prefer to save that for The Crush's Christmas party in two weeks.

The girls almost convinced me to buy the crazy outrageously hot black pantsuit that I saw over a month ago. Actually, they did convince me and it wasn't until I took it to the seamstress in the mall that we realized there were tears down the back of the right calf where someone had obviously tried it on with stilettos. I'm glad I got a refund. I would have had a serious case of buyer's remorse when I got my credit card bill in a few weeks. It's bad enough that my bill this month is three times what it normally is because of my vehicle registration fee, plane ticket and myriad wedding-related charges.

Anyway, it looks as though the boys are joining us for dinner on Saturday. I hope they actually show up. I could care less about his entourage but it would be nice if The Crush was with me. I'm not anxious to see The Other Guy but I'll just have to deal with that when it happens. Hopefully with drink firmly in hand.

Two phone calls in one night!

I almost forgot to blog today. I think that means my mental state is distinctly more happy than normal. The Crush called me twice this evening! I didn't hear from him all day so I dropped him an email at the close of (regular people) business hours and he responded quite quickly. Said he was working late, as usual, but would call me later. And he did! I texted him to let him know I managed to escape from the office at 7 and my first phone call came through at 8.30! I'm so impressed! Mind you, he literally called me, talked my ear off breathlessly for 10 minutes and then said he would call back. Turns out he's one of those chatty drunks. Not that he was drunk. Just a little buzzed. He said he would call me later which I fully expected him not to do. But he did! Two hours later! And we actually talked like normal people for half an hour! Too many exclamation marks.

Anyway, Montreal is likely to be a gong show but I'm still looking forward to it. So the plan for Thursday. Should I be aloof and pretend he doesn't exist and not contact him? Or should I take advantage of the slight anxiety he is likely to be feeling knowing that we're going to see The Other Guy and send him (The Crush) an email and ask him to have dinner with me in the evening just because we know Montreal is likely to be a gong show? Stupid dating games.

He loves me, he loves me not

I wish boys knew that saying "I'll call you later" or "I'll call you in a bit" is girl secret code for "I will stay up til unreasonable hours wondering what you're doing". I get that he's unreliable and that "later" means "not today". On the one hand, he's not playing the usual games. He texted me last night, this morning, this afternoon and then called me to talk. Tonight I was the one who was busy and didn't have time to talk. I feel guilty because I knew as soon as I heard it on the news this morning that one of his major clients passed away. Instead of caving in to peer pressure, I should have said no to the mall and gone straight home via the grocery store. I was exhausted after less than an hour shopping because I didn't sleep properly last night. I wasn't in the mood to spend any money. And I was with a colleague that is best in small doses. What was I thinking? The next two nights will definitely be spent at home. Unless my energy level miraculously rebounds.

Fortunately I have real work to do and that is also making me productive in the thesis department.

Now if I could just stop thinking about The Other Guy. Wondering what he's doing, if he misses me too, if I will even see him this weekend. Whether he will try to make me laugh or just be civil and cool. Whether I will be cool or awkward and weird. When I think about past incidents, I realize that he was condescending towards me. And I *hate* that because I am fundamentally a humble person and have a tendency to think first that perhaps I am the one who has made a mistake and the other person was right. I think what I miss most is the attention. He was very, very good at giving me his undivided attention. He was so focused and attentive and observant. It felt nice. I want someone to be *that* into me. But I want it to be sincere and genuine and sustainable. Argh. Asking too much.

I would also really like a hug from The Crush. Maybe even to hold hands. Is that too much to ask? I don't need a make out session. Just some face time and a minor personal space violation.

Catlady spinster

I'm feeling inarticulate.

The Crush is a busy, busy guy. I want to be with someone who has time for me. That probably sounds crazy because of how much time we spent together this weekend. And I was very happy that he sent me a text message this evening when I was trying to be aloof and make him chase me. But then he didn't have time to talk because he was going to see a house with his friend the real estate agent. Why am I so goddamn picky??

I miss The Other Guy. I'm nervous about seeing him next weekend. I hope I can keep it together and be chill and dignified and carefree. What is wrong with me??

My former Valentine called me this evening. We talked for an hour. I really miss that guy. He didn't speak to me for a year and now we're back to talking about sex and backup plans and relationship crap. He was drunk and I cried. He doesn't know that I cried. Maybe he cried too and I don't know it.

I'm going to end up alone. Aren't I?

PS Asshat, where are you?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving dinner was fun. It went a lot later than I thought it needed to and I was ready to come home. I'm exhausted so I'm going to crash. A couple of things worth nothing are that:

1. He smiled at me a lot
2. We sat very close to each other on the couch. But only because I went to sit next to him.
3. There will be photos on facebook.

Yay :)

Reversal

He got the days wrong. I really thought that Thanksgiving dinner was Saturday night and I was right. It's tomorrow. So we had our first real date tonight :) We went to Rain which is a very expensive, very good restaurant on Mercer. It was lovely. Quiet. The food was good. Service was excellent. And then, because I had baked the damn apple crumble today, we came back to my place and had dessert and sat on the couch talking. It turns out smoking is a deal breaker so I smoked the last cigarette in my pack and won't be buying another one until this thing crashes and burns. I'm still not sure about this guy but I do like him and think he's a great person. I hope... Well, I just hope. That's enough said about that.

Tomorrow, tea with the ladies at 1 and then Thanksgiving dinner at 5.30. And I told him I was driving to Montreal on Friday with our mutual friend so I guess I'm going again.

Relief

I woke up this morning feeling relieved. I didn't realize how much I was actually dreading the trip to Montreal next weekend. Now I'm free of that obligation. And I'm free to actually enjoy myself this weekend with The Crush without feeling guilty about The Other Guy. And I was feeling guilty about him. I almost felt as though I was cheating on him. I'm still a little sad because he is the first man to make me laugh since I met my former Valentine in 2005. He knew what to say and I was comfortable talking to him. But maybe it was too much too soon and it wouldn't have been sustainable in the long-term. I'm still looking forward to my weekend. And next weekend I might be having spaghetti with Grey. So that's potentially something to look forward to as well. He sent me an email reminding me about our discussion last Thursday on how this thing was doomed from the very beginning because of distance. I'm surprised he even remembered that conversation. Anyway, off to work.

Dumped

The Other Guy dumped me. Just like that. Well, not *just* like that. We spent an hour on the phone talking about real estate, people and our plans for the weekend. Then he said he couldn't do this. Whatever "this" is. My heart is heavy. I'm sad and shocked. And confused. I feel like a fool.

Progress

There's a lot going on.

I met with my supervisor today and it looks as though the last of my data will be arriving next week. I have much Excel-ing to do in the next few weeks and I would like to finish it before I leave for the holidays so that I can start writing when I get back. I have no idea what really happened during our meeting today. He said something about a binomial expansion and I couldn't remember what that was until he wrote a quadratic equation on the board. I have to calculate probabilities for both variables which represent concentrations of each isotope. I think! I'm going to let that percolate through my subconscious over the weekend and hope it's a bit less foggy next week when the data arrives.

I phoned The Other Guy because I only got one very brief email from him today saying he was super busy at work and he didn't sound too happy. He was out at a pub with a friend but said he would call me when he got home. If he doesn't call me tonight, that's going to be Strike 2. Strike 1 was his deciding not to visit me this weekend so that we could slow things down. I understand slowing things down but the inertia that sets in after slowing things down in a long distance relationship is huge. I should know, I've spent more than half my adult life in long distance relationships. I really don't want to do it anymore but he's an awesome guy so I'm giving him a real chance.

I also talked to The Crush tonight. I'm meeting up with him tomorrow night after Thanksgiving dinner with friends. I'm having all-you-can-eat-sushi birthday dinner with my friends. Unless of course Baby and Delorean are still puking and pooping in which case, no dinner for me! But on Saturday night, we have a real date! Dinner in Forest Hill with just the two of us. This is his last chance to make good on the "click". If there's nothing on Saturday, my decision will be that much easier to make. I have high hopes. I mean, I have coached the guy a lot. Surely he should have found his mojo by now. Surely.

Also, Saturday afternoon I'm having tea with the ladies for my birthday. Very belated but I'm very excited. And Sunday I think I'm going to the One of a Kind Show with my friend who hates her husband.

Stay tuned.

Lonely hump day

I napped when I got home from work. Damn those two glasses of wine. And they were totally a wasted effort. I spent no time alone with The Crush except for when he drove me home. Which is max a 10 minute drive with lights and streetcars and traffic. Sigh. He said he would call me some time this week so we could go for coffee. I have lowered my expectations to expect a late text on Friday night with a location to meet him and his entire familial posse. I don't think I will do that again. I'm tired of his friends and family. I'd like to get to know him and I can't do that when we're surrounded by people I barely know. Also, I was bored last night until I started talking to his friend The Bartender. That coincided roughly with my second glass of wine. He did touch my sleeve once. Is that progress? Unfortunately, I got invited to a Thanksgiving soiree on Saturday evening and I think I have to go. It's potluck so I think I have to cook something too. He said he would let me know. I'm anticipating that will be on Saturday afternoon. I should probably bake my famous apple crumble. That way, even if I don't go, I'll have something I actually want to eat myself for breakfast. The soiree is at a couple's house. They are good friends of The Other Guy. I feel a bit awkward but I'm not sure I can get out of it unless The Crush just doesn't call me. The Other Guy said he might call tonight after he was done making dinner for a friend. But he didn't call. I'm sad. I miss him. He made me laugh via email all day today.

Bubbles

He still makes time stand still when he smiles at me...

Screw up

I always fuck up the good things. He's not coming next weekend. And I'm not sure if I'm going to see him the following weekend. I feel bad for being the reason that his buddies are going to get turfed out of a free place to stay. And he wants to slow things down. I'm not good at that. I'm better with the emergency brake, backing the car up and tearing back up the same dirt road that got me here. I told him I wouldn't be sleeping with Grey anymore. I'm not sure if that's a promise I'm capable of keeping. Not because I don't want to keep the promise. But because I feel stupid and small and worthless. And when I feel like this, I do stupid and worthless and reckless things. For example, I am going to smoke a cigarette now. I know it will make me feel shitty. I really don't want one. And it's cold outside. But I know it will numb the pain and stop the tears. So I go in search of temporary relief. Because I don't know how to stop wishing I was dead. I'm sure everything will look better in the morning.

Who makes these rules?

Neither of them called me today. No text messages. Nothing. I'm a little frustrated and annoyed but I find I'm not as disappointed as I would normally expect. I suppose it helps that I'm not very attached to either of them and this entire situation is creating a little too much drama in my life right now. Anyway, back to House while the laundry is in the dryer. At least House is predictable. I just wish he and Cutty would get it on already!

Oh yeah, I also saw an awesome movie today. It's called Slumdog Millionnaire. You should see it.

Swordfighting

I am bubbling and it's 4.35 am! I met up with The Crush for midnight ice cream and hot chocolate and invited him over to chat after he suggested we just drive around in his car and talk. He did most of the talking about many things - work, school, life etc. I listened and ask questions because I'm good at that. He's going to call me tomorrow. Apparently our mutual friend bullied him into expressing more than a passing interest and I'm not sure whether to be mortified or flattered. A bit of both, I guess. He said that some guys just need that kind of push. He's going to call tomorrow! I know I already said that but I find that prospect exciting in and of itself. I updated him on the situation with The Other Guy and he told me to do whatever I need to do. He also said he wouldn't swordfight with him and I said "good, because it's not really up to you guys; it's up to me!" And he laughed. I am no closer to deciding which of them is the "better" man because they are both great. Generous, kind, fun, gentle, gentlemen. I am glad to include them on my roster of new friends and will do my best to deserve either of them. The Other Guy makes me laugh and I do feel a connection with him. The Crush still gives me butterflies but is not the smooth, polished man that is the Other Guy. I'm not sure I deserve to be with a human being quite that out of my league. And The Crush is as serious but somehow more cerebral, if that makes any sense. They have both been good to me and that makes me feel good about myself. One of them is sure to be more compatible with my own particular brand of crazy but it's too early to tell. As The Other Guy said, we don't have enough information to make any decisions right now. I'm just happy The Crush and I sat on my couch and talked til this ridiculous hour. I'm looking forward to two phone calls tomorrow.

Gratitude list

This entry was inspired by Susan. I had to dig deep to get started but once I got rolling... well, you'll see.

A (my best friend), Advil
Blankets, books and butterflies. The ones in my tummy not the ones in real life. Those are scary.
Chick flicks, chocolate, crosswords, cuddles
Dancing, dim sum, driving, dictionaries
Eyes, earrings
Food, fondue, fireplaces, firemen
Grey, girlfriends, google
Hugs
Internet
Job (most of the time, anyway)
Ketorolac, kittens, kisses
Light, laughter
Music
Nerds, novels
Orgasms, ocean
Pistachio ice cream, pillows, puzzles, postcards, puppies
Questions I can answer
Rain
Shoes, spoons (the kind in bed), sushi, silence
Trees, thesauruseseses
Umbrellas
Vacations
Wind in the trees, walking, words, widescreen, wine, water
Xerox and x-ray technology, x-rated text messages
Yoga
Zach Levy, zest

Also, The Crush called me very early this morning but I'm a huge slacker with my voice mail and only checked it at midnight. I'm such a moron. Meanwhile, only got one short email from The Other Guy today and no response to my goodnight text. I wonder if I will look back on this post in a year and shake my head because nothing ever happened with either of these two but I will still be fooling around with Grey.

I've said too much

The confusion has ended. 10 hours of sleep helped significantly with that, as did being officially blown off by The Crush. I am relieved. I am starting to develop real feelings for this other guy. Real enough that I don't want to doom it by giving him a blog name. We just spent an hour and 45 minutes on the phone. It was all going wonderfully well until the end of the call. He was funny and we talked about his coming down here in two weekends. Then I told him about Grey. It came up and was unavoidable. He already asked me what I did today and I fudged and felt guilty. I didn't think dim sum, a bad movie, a joint and a mind blowing orgasm with my booty buddy would go over too well. When the subject came around again, I felt like the Universe was giving me a second chance to make things right. I'm being vague on purpose. The details are irrelevant. He just knows that I have an active partner and that we are no longer dating. That we're friends with benefits without the friendship part.

I feel like an idiot. I'm not sure if I will hear from him again. He seemed to be fine with hearing it. In fact, it was more of an issue for me. Because I care what he thinks and don't want him to think less of me for this. He should, I know. I do know that. But he said he wasn't judging. I wish we could have had that conversation in person. Maybe we'll talk about it more if I do see him again. I want to be excited that he wants to come and visit. But now I just feel nauseated. I hate myself, sometimes.

My head hurts

Part of me feels intensely relieved. I am back home as scheduled and my thesis lab work is officially over. I feel good about that.

I haven't heard from The Crush since last Thursday night. I sent him a text message after the wedding was over on Friday. Nothing. I sent him another text message on Monday when I found out we were coming home today. Still nothing. On the off chance that he didn't get them - even though he got them before - I called and left a voice mail this evening. No return call. I am so confused. I really thought there was something.

However, the outrageously cute one, the one that lives in Montreal, was really, really good to me. And that is terrifying. He was considerate, thoughtful, well-dressed, well-spoken, made me laugh, was quiet when I was exhausted, gave up almost his entire weekend for me, took me to Sunday brunch with his sister, and waited until very late last night to finally make a move. We stayed up until 3 am fooling around. He is a hot man. Nice body, great smile. Just the sight of him waiting on the Metro platform for me last night filled me with relief. I haven't felt that way since I met X.

I didn't get back to the prof's house til 7.30 this morning. I did the walk of shame and I was okay with that. I even had to take a nap at a service station for 45 minutes just to make the drive home safely. He called me tonight and we had a good conversation. He wants me to come back to Montreal in two weeks because he has symphony tickets and no date. Even though our mutual friend warned me off, he seems like a really great guy. Decent and even a little shy.

I am so confused. I don't know that I have what it takes to do the long distance thing. I want someone with me here. But when I didn't see him on Monday, I missed him. And it was nice to sleep next to him. He made me breakfast this morning. I'm scared and I'm not sure if I'm ready to be unsingle yet.

How can I be waiting for the one guy who makes the Universe stop spinning to call me when there's another guy who has put in the effort, has made me laugh, is cute and decent, was a perfect gentleman for five days and gave me his undivided attention?

I am so confused.

Perfection

Wedding was perfect. Everyone was happy. Including myself. Picked up Grey for a quickie afterwards. Was just what I needed to help me unwind and get to sleep tonight. Looking forward to the weekend in Montreal :)

Short term outlook

This time tomorrow, it will all be over. Looking forward to Saturday evening in Monteal. Looking forward even further to next weekend when I will hopefully see The Crush! He texted me back today :) Here I was worrying about whether or not he was blowing me off because he didn't respond to my email. Something just feels right about this. I'm going to try and hold onto that and not play stupid guessing games in my brain.

Response to previous comments

Oh my goodness you guys, I really needed to hear all of that. Thank you! Baby turned into bridezilla this evening. Too much to drink, I think. I was told that there was a screaming match between her and Delorean's twin sister. I'm scared to ask her about it so perhaps I won't at all! I am sick of being marriage counselor, bridesmaid, best friend and recipient of bad-tempered high-pitched screeches all rolled into one. Most things are done now, just a few odds and ends to tie up. Hopefully everyone will be able to relax tomorrow and there won't be any more drama. I can't take much more yelling. I am really looking forward to yoga class tomorrow and I'm looking forward even more to getting in my car and driving away from everything on Saturday morning.

I'm a bit concerned that her mother will be offended if I wear black to the wedding. I went to Mexx this morning on my way home from the office and tried on a little purple dress which is gorgeous but outrageously low in the front. I may try it on again tomorrow with some double sided tape to see if I can make it work. I *hate* being a girl. In my next lifetime, I will definitely be a man! Sigh.

Okay, off to bed. Finally! I am so exhausted. I don't think I have had more than 5 hours sleep in the last week or so.

Man help

Ugh, what is wrong with me? I have alternately been second guessing myself and grinning inanely all day. How can one person, one man, have such a complex, brain melting effect on me? Augh. On the one hand, I know I am over thinking it and I should stop. On the other hand, what if he's such a nice guy that he's just being polite and I am mistaking it for interest because I haven't been around nice guys in... oh 31 years? Or, what if he was interested yesterday but changed his mind this morning? I should not be so excited. I should be calm and cool and detached and zen. But when he smiles at me, it feels like there is nobody else left in the world. I found myself looking at his lips last night wondering what it would be like to kiss them. I never do that! Ever! I totally have crush on this guy. An unmanageable, mind bogglingly, silly school-girl, grin-like-an-idiot-at-total-strangers-in-the-mall-because-I-was-thinking-about-him crush. Argh.

Meanwhile, I had a complete meltdown in the evening because I couldn't get the damned faucet off the sink and called Grey. First I called Baby but she didn't seem too sympathetic. Bride brain, I guess. Then I called him and he made fun of me and I freaked out. When I almost hung up on him, he said "easy tiger, I'm leaving work and will be there in half an hour". He came upstairs, immediately went to work with my tools, took off the faucet (I felt less stupid that it took him a while to loosen the screws and everything) and then proceeded to hug me and joke around with me until I stopped crying and berating myself for being less than entirely independent. I let him work his magic and it felt good to have him work so hard to make me smile. He didn't even seem to mind that I turned him down for sex. I hate being alone because I hate asking for help and he made me feel better. For that, I appreciate him.

Honestly though, I really want to believe there is something better out there for me than him and this, our fucked up "relationship". Preferably with The Crush I mentioned in the first paragraph. I would really like to have someone, not just anyone, but someone like The Crush, in my life. Not to fix my faucets but to come over and hug me until the tears go away. If there is no-one else for me except Grey, the next 50 years are going to be pretty solitary.

Happy Monday

I don't really have time to post right now because I'm tired and need sleep but I am walking on a cloud and can't stop smiling. I had drinks with my friend who knows Grey and the guy from two Saturdays ago. Not the outrageously cute one who I am visiting in Montreal next weekend but the other one. The one who made the Universe stop spinning. I don't think that I imagined our "moment". He seems so great. Nice and funny and sweet and thoughtful. His smile is infectious. I can't even begin to describe the way it makes me feel. I am just glad I met him. Even if we are only friends, I will be happy with that. Is that crazy?

Eyeball deep in wedding spreadsheets

Shizzle got done today peeps. Mostly by me but a bit by Baby. She bought her bridesmaid gifts and her wedding necklace at the mall. She went to her marriage class. And I... I did lots and lots.

I created my master spreadsheet. Can I tell you what the tabs are? Pretty please? Okay fine, just skip to the bottom of the list!
My weekend task list
Tasks_6 days
Seating arrangement
Vendors
Wedding procession
Rehearsal dinner task list
Florist contract
Stuff to bring to wedding
Photography list
Table numbers (Chinese characters)
DJ playlist_ceremony
DJ playlist_events
DJ playlist_dancing
Schedule

I know, it's freakin' awesome. I can't wait to print the schedule out in colour at work on Monday. It's Friday night. Is that sad? Am I a sad, sad catless spinster woman? Because I'm very happy I got all this stuff done and I had a lot of fun doing it. Now I can really enjoy the bachelorette party tomorrow night. I'm starving. I think I need a food break. I know it's 2 am but I had two Pepsis today and I'm going to be awake for a couple more hours.

Okay I'm back.

I was thinking about this online dating thing. And GH's post about closure and not-knowing. I'm a big believer in not simply disappearing. It's not right. Not just because it's rude. It's callous and inconsiderate and cowardly. On Wednesday, after the horrendous date with the gay man, I received an email from him asking to see me again. I declined and I like to think I did so politely. I didn't give him an specific reasons, just that I didn't think we were right for each other and got the impression that he felt the same. I also didn't offer friendship as a consolation prize because he stated repeatedly that he was not interested in friendship. I did offer to be a rock climbing partner but I doubt I will hear from him again. I feel better for having actually sent him a rejection and not simply ignoring his email. I would have said the same thing if he had phoned and I thought the choice to email rather than phone was rather telling. Having received the same treatment only a week ago, I hope that this dating karma perpetuates itself through the Universe. You know, pay it forward. "It" being kindness, right?

I don't know why men disappear. Gay Tuesday night guy said that it's because rejection stings. I don't follow the logic. Was he suggesting that disappearing is better than asking for a follow up date because it's less scary to wonder what might have been than to take a chance on asking? I always assumed that men disappeared because they just weren't that into me. And I hate that most men can't just say goodbye politely with an "I just don't think this is right". I appreciate that kind of honesty. I believe that disappearing is the mark of a coward. So, while I'm better off without that man, it's frustrating to wait. Really, really frustrating.

As a corollary, I often find myself wondering what I did or said to merit such rudeness. I mean, I must be doing something heinous, no? No, okay, I admit, rationally I can understand that the reasons men disappear are probably not related to me as much as to their own peculiar brand of neuroses. Maybe I wear too much pink. Or my laugh is too manly. Or my boobs are too big. Or I'm too independent. I'm not vulnerable to perverted and predatory behaviour so they move on to the next unsuspecting victim. I don't know. Rationally, I understand with my brain that it probably wouldn't serve me well to know "WHY". And eventually, the "WHY" fades. It's less "what the hell happened to you?" and more "huh, the mysteries of the male psyche". Granted, it takes a very long time to get there. That's because my heart and my brain are apparently disconnected. They do seem to share the same body some of the time. But it's infrequent when it comes to dating and men.

Are you still on the crazy rambling train?

I haven't had much experience dating women who subsequently disappear. Actually, I've never dated a woman. But thinking about the reasons my girlfriends disappear, I hypothesize that women who exhibit the same behaviour are trying to fill a hole as well. A very different hole but it's a void nonetheless. My friends who exhibit this behaviour have low self-esteem and seek happiness in material, ephemeral pursuits. Like cute boys, new clothes, clubs and other trivial stuff. Nothing lasts long. The clothes are cheap, the clubs are boring and the boys are fluff. Needless to say, these girls don't stay friends with me for long. Rather, I don't stay friends with them. Then, when they come wheedling back because the latest cute boy has dumped them or their birthday is coming up and they want more stuff gifts, I screen. It's not hard. I'm usually very busy. Sometimes I feel like a bitch for being this way but I don't have the time or energy to deal with that sort of crap.

I wish I was as obstinate and no-nonsense with Grey. He said he would try to come by this weekend to help me with my faucet. He also said he would come to the bachelorette party but he changed his mind about that today. Sigh. I guess he won't be coming by to play Joe Plumber/Desperate Housewife any time soon. Why does he continue to have this effect on me? And can I really be open to someone "better" while I continue to feel this way about him? The feelings show no sign of abating almost one year after the "I'm not in love with you" fiasco. Is it possible to feel heartache for one and simultaneous heart palpitations for another? Or, in the words of the wise man, Heathcliff Huxtable, does that mean I have an extra heart? Am I destined to be in this solitary Grey limbo until he falls in love and gets married and has little Greys running around? I did, however, veto his request to meet my mother. Not even my friends meet my mom, let alone guys who booty call me at 2.42 am because they're wasted and want to show off to their newest friend/client/clubbing rat.

I know. I suck. At least I will always have colour-coded Excel wedding spreadsheets.

Frustraged

frustraged (adj): a sense of thwarted purpose causing fits of anger and leading to premature hair loss

I am getting really annoyed with my landlady. My bathroom faucet has been leaking for months so I have been shutting off the water under the sink when I'm not using it. With the really cold weather approaching, I'm getting tired of washing my hands in freezing cold water. I had bought a replacement faucet and was all prepared to phone the plumber. But she wants me to remove the existing faucet and take it to Home Depot to see if they will replace it. The problem is, I can't get it off the sink. I tried today but I can't figure it out. I can barely see anything because the sink is in the way. When I loosened one of the nuts, the pipes started dripping and I started to worry that I had actually made it worse because nothing else would give. I can't afford to have a leak. I'm rarely home and will be leaving for Montreal in a week. I think I will just call her tomorrow and tell her that I broke the pipes and now have a leak under the sink and am going out of town soon. Hopefully that will get her sufficiently alarmed that she will agree to let me just call the plumber and take care of it! Is that terrible? Sigh. I need a bicycle. I hate not being able to do absolutely everything myself and I have no-one to ask for help. The whole thing makes me so frustrated I could cry. Well, I am but I'm pretending not to.

Update: F*ck now I can't use the damn sink at all. I dismantled the drain and now I can't figure out how to get it back on. The pipes are dripping into the cabinet now. I put a bucket under there but I can't go to Montreal next weekend and leave it like that F*ckety f*ck.

Blarg

Pretending the bachelorette party isn't going to happen is not helping me figure out what to wear. I will be back momentarily. I also really have to pee.

So much for momentarily. I wish I was a tall, slender-muscled woman with larger-than-average breasts, a flat to concave stomach and a nice ass. Instead, I am short and more on the stout side than skinny. Fortunately, I was blessed with my dad's perky butt and not my mother's saggy one. There are only a handful of men on the planet that are aware of my breast size. And my doctor. I have good teeth and hair but people seem to take that for granted these days. Sigh. Enough of that. Wishing won't make it so.

The make up and photography trial was today. Make up was okay. Decent but not fabulous. Photographers are awesome. I'm looking forward to seeing the photos. If I still live in the province when they arrive! Is it wrong that I'm looking forward to getting the colour-coded spreadsheet from the photographer? I'm very behind on my own. Oh my God, it just arrived! So exciting! Must look at it before bed :)

Bad date

OH.MY.GOD. That was painful. I knew as soon as we shook hands that it was not going to be a fun evening. I have a rule about handshakes. If your handshake isn't firm, we can't be friends. His was like a dead fish. To be honest, he set off my "gaydar" but maybe it's not that finely tuned! He told me he had been on 90 dates in 5 years. Okay, that only averages one date every two weeks but he said he had been in relationships that lasted a few months. I tried to be open-minded and non-judgmental. Maybe I was just in shock. Or practicing for my Canadian diplomatic service entrance exam. I couldn't get out of there fast enough and that took 2 hours!

There were a myriad of other character flaws including interrupting me and talking over me. I didn't laugh once the entire night. I thought at first that I would nurse my glass of wine but then I decided to toss half of it back and nurse the second half. When he ordered a second glass, I almost fell over and died. After that, I stopped caring what he was saying and just sat there wondering if he was bisexual or just gay. When he condescended to let me speak, I just said whatever I was thinking. No filtering going on at all. He must have thought I was a total nut job. This is the first time "drinks" has not turned into dinner. Ah well, at least I got to come home and lie on the couch. I can't remember the last time I did that. Must have been well over a week ago.

And woo hoo I got my birthday wish :) Is anyone else excited about the history that was made today? I am, and I'm not even a political junkie. I have no good reason for being happy. Just intuition. It's a lot like dating, actually. You just know that something is right. Does that ever happen to you? You meet someone and you just know that it's right. It's like meeting a friend of a friend who has a very firm handshake and you just know that this is a decent, upstanding human being. Or you meet someone who says something funny and, as you laugh, you just know that you have something in common with someone who, just a moment before was some random stranger. I'm looking for that someone who, when I look at him and he smiles at me, the laws of science cease to apply for just a second. But then, when the moment passes, I can put it in my pocket and take it with me wherever I go.

Too much to ask? Yeah, I thought so.

Milestone passed

Is it pathetic that I was sad that I had nobody to help me carry balloons, birthday cake and leftovers up from the underground parking today? I found it overwhelming to be the centre of attention at my birthday "party". On top of having to control my temper with my mother and failing miserably at that early in the evening, being inhibited by her presence was just exhausting. But I am very touched that three of my girlfriends went to such efforts on a Monday evening. I had pink balloons, pink cake and a gift card for the mall. I am debating actually purchasing this outfit.

Okay the website is taking forever. Let's just say it's an outrageously HAWT pant suit. Yes people, I said a pant suit. The pants and the top are actually attached! The thing is, I put it on and looked totally smoking. I am thinking of spending $140 I don't have on the damn thing. I had to walk over to the men's section of the store to have my ass scanned as the bar code had fallen off and every single male head turned to stare. That has never happened to me before. Two guys walked by and said "that's beautiful". That has happened before though ;)

So I walked away knowing that it would still be there tomorrow. I might go to a different store to visit it again. Maybe take a friend.

Other than that, the day was relatively uneventful. I went to pick up my gift from the Government of Ontario. They charged me $134 for my vehicle registration renewal which was charming. I must remember to put the sticker on next time I drive my car. Then I came home after much fruitless shopping for a not-black dress for Baby's wedding (her mother is superstitious so I thought I would make an effort to at least look for another dress). Talked to X on the phone for a while about Halloween, weddings and random crap.

Tomorrow I really must pretend to work on my thesis. Pilates class in the evening is followed by a "meet" - I am no longer referring to them as dates - with another random PoF guy. We talked on the phone and he sounded normal. Not that that's an indication of anything, clearly. Also, one of the guys from Saturday night sent me a fb message. Yay the miracle worked! But it was the cute one, not the chemical one. Sigh. Oh well, it's early yet in dating time right? Maybe he'll reach out later in the week.

Just got an email from my former Valentine. Do normal people consider 256 a nice round number? Hell yes! I must come up with a new name for him.

Happy birthday me!

I was going to reply to GH's previous comment but I decided this thought merited a post.

It has taken me years to get to my present mental state. The two hardest lessons I have learned as a single, independent woman are:

1. Don't give a crap what most people think. It's a total waste of time. Just let it go. I was fortunate enough to get a ticket when the Dalai Lama visited Vancouver and his presence was phenomenal. I learned that emotions and feelings are normal and natural. What we choose to do with them, however, is completely within our own control. Therefore, in order to control your actions, you must accept your emotions, acknowledge them and understand them before you can let them go. As a corollary to this, I have also learned that we are often our own harshest critic and most damning judge. It's a lot less effort to be less hard on yourself.

2. Happiness is intertwined with my outlook on life. Okay, that was inside a fortune cookie I got many years ago. But I have learned that happiness is as simple as a conscious decision to just be happy. It was a difficult lesson to learn and I really resisted it in the beginning. And that's not to say I'm happy all the time. Clearly if you read my blog, you will know that isn't the case. But overall, I am happier now than I was in 2004. Back then, I didn't even know I wasn't happy.

Finally, on a somewhat unrelated note, to my dear American friends, it is officially my birthday. I don't ask for much. In fact, normally I ask for nothing. But this year, I would really like a Democrat in the White House. I'm too hungover and tired to articulate my reasons. Is it enough to say that gut instinct tells me this is what North America needs right now? Can I just ask for that because it would make me happy?

Hmmm.....

I think I may have had two men hitting on me tonight. Not entirely sure because I had a little too much to drink. Okay, a lot too much to drink. But, if I had been sober, I would definitely think there was some blatant competition going on. But yeah, still drunk. Thank goodness for daylight savings. I am going to dance in the dark for a little while.

Wait, I need to write this down. One was way cute and sweet and fun. The other though, he was "it". Great smile, fabulous chemistry. I wanted him to come with us but he didn't. Maybe he's bad news. He made the universe stop spinning. Dear God, please let the miracle of facebook come through for me. I need a replacement for Grey, if nothing else.

Halloween schmalloween

Definitely this "holiday" is overrated. Someone please remind me to skip it next year. Baby and I spent most of the afternoon scouring stores for candy. Costco ran out. Walmart ran out. We had to go to Shopper's Drug Mart and their shelves were pretty bare by the time we got there at 5.30. Baby probably spent around $100 on candy and snack crap (Welsh's fruit chews, Reese's Snacksters, individual bags of Ruffles) from Costco and we ran out! Yes, that's right, we ran out of damn candy at about 8.30. I even had to give away the reserve stash I bought just for myself which sucks. Oh well, I need candy like I need another hole in my head.

We definitely had over 200 kids come by her house and it was overwhelming. Especially the older kids and teenagers who we had to turn away at the end so that we had candy left for the littlest kids. They were pretty cute and I understand dressing them up to go visit the neighbours. But some of the "kids" were bigger than me. Okay fine, I'm not that big myself but still. The worst was the 50-something year old woman who ran up to the door with her kids with her bag out. I gave her a pretty dirty look (good thing they're not my neighbours!) and she gave me a sheepish giggle. I still gave her candy but I wish I hadn't. Christ, some people have no shame. Delorean said she was probably going to sell it at her store later.

Anyway, after that we ordered pizza and sat in the dark until 10 pm. Then we went downtown for a drink at Milestone's. Man, it was insane. I have never seen downtown that busy in all my years of living in this city. I have to admit that I don't understand dressing up to go out clubbing. Maybe I'm just not very creative but I can't imagine spending time, energy and money on a costume that I'll wear once and then freeze my ass off standing in line to get into a club. I don't stand in line to get into clubs on regular days, let alone when I'm wearing a damn costume. I'm sure cover was jacked up last night. And there were some pretty outrageous costumes out there last night.

Anyway, I'm having lunch at A's parent's house and then driving my mother to her next port of call which happens to be the apartment of my favourite septuagenarians kitty corner to my place. "Fortunately" I seem to have lost my spare key.

Lovestoned

Last Friday night, Grey and I danced in his living room to the Tiesto remix of JT's Lovestoned and now I can't stop listening to it. He's got me lovestoned and I think that he knows...

Mom arrived today. She behaved herself. Any bets on how long that will last? Plans for this weekend including handing out Halloween candy at Baby and Delorean's house tomorrow night. Out with the mutual friend (me and Grey's) on Saturday night - dare I hope she will introduce me to a new, not-so-eligible bachelor? And then dinner with the mother and in-laws on Sunday night. Monday is my birthday. As much as I wanted to lie on the couch in my pjs watching TV and eating leftover fondue, I guess I had to know that I would never be allowed to do that. So, I'm reluctantly celebrating my First Annual 40th Birthday Bash with my mother, in-laws and three high school friends, including two of the girls from Saturday night. Overkill? I think so.

Those flashing lights come from everywhere
The way they hit her I just stop and stare.

Feeling icky

I don't feel so hot. I'm not sure if it was the glass of red wine (makes me congested), the peppers in my pasta (I just don't like them and wonder if it's my body sending me a message) or the hot fudge sundae from Tom's (which I have eaten many, many times before) but something tonight didn't agree with me.

If I can't write about humiliating experiences here... wait, I don't think I want to remember this particular experience.

Anyway, I'm freezing cold and exhausted and it's early. I'm actually really going to bed right now. I hope I feel better in the morning.

PS The earlier part of today was good. I found more merino wool longjohns at Lululemon. They're calling them wooly tights this year though. I swear by them. Wear them every single day in the winter and couldn't live without them. They're breathable, very warm and light enough to wear under dress pants. I've tried fleece, I've tried cotton but merino wool is where it's at. Go by some if you're north of the 49th parallel. Oh, hem, Toronto is south of that. Yeah, go by some if you're cold like me. I would link to them but they're virtually impossible to find online. So I wrote this feedback to Lululemon.

Dear Lululemon

You are doing yourselves a serious disservice. In 2007 at the Toronto warehouse sale, I bought some bright blue merino wool long johns. Since then I have looked long and hard for another pair because I swear by them. My girlfriends laugh at me but they are my favourite LL product and I wear them almost every day for the entire winter. Finally, I found them in the Eaton Centre store this afternoon. Only this year, you're calling them woolly tights. I don't care what you call them. Please just promote them! I have looked all over my local stores, surfed the entire website and even contacted guest services (or whatever the email feature is called) and nobody could direct me to them. I wanted to link to them on my blog but I couldn't do that because I can't find them! This is a great product. Hell, I would model them for you if you wanted (not that I'm suggesting that's a good idea, I don't exactly have a LL body!).

Blarg

The mechanic never called. Can I delete his number now? Grr.

Oh, hmmm, it occurs to me that I never mentioned the mechanic. Another PoF guy who has been emailing back and forth for a couple of weeks and finally called yesterday. He actually sounded nice on the phone. Disappointing. I hid my profile. I also wrote a mini-rant but it's hidden so nobody will ever see it. It made me feel better though.

Window shopping

Apparently I am a window shopper in matters of the heart as well as the wallet.

The Window Shopper Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLD) Loving, hopeful, open. Likely to carry on an romance from afar. You are The Window Shopper. You take love as opportunities come, which can lead to a high-anxiety, but high-flying romantic life. You're a genuinely sweet person, not saccharine at all, so it's likely that the relationships you have had and will have will be happy ones. You've had a fair amount of love experience for your age, and there'll be much more to come. Part of why we know this is that, of all female types, you are the most prone to sudden, ferocious crushes. Your results indicate that you're especially capable of obsessing over a guy you just met. Obviously, passion like this makes for an intense existence. It can also make for soul-destroying letdowns. Your ideal match is someone who'll love you back with equal fire, and someone you've grown to love slowly. A self-involved or pessimistic man is especially bad. Though you're drawn to them, avoid artists at all costs. Your exact female opposite: The Stiletto Deliberate Brutal Sex Master Always avoid: The Hornivore (RBSM) Consider: The Gentleman (DGLM), The Loverboy (RGLM), The Boy Next Door (RGLD)

Link: The Online Dating Persona Test | OkCupid - personals | Dating

Meh

The date wasn't so bad. Probably would have been smarter if it wasn't punctuated with text messages from Grey. He's young and hyper. He settled down when he started to fade at the end of the evening. Mondays are painful. We had a drink at a pub and then went to a restaurant for dinner. We'll see if he calls. I am pooped so I'm going to lie on the couch. Already in my pjs :)

12.45 AM UPDATE: He texted me this.
Hey, thanks for a good evening and coming out. I thought about our time together and i don't think we are really compatible :-( i do wish you all the best with your search though"

That is the most decent experience I have ever had with online dating. Thank you.

Real update

I think that the bridal shower went really well. The bride had a good time and I think that the guests did too. Toilet paper bride went well and ended with a toilet paper wedding gown fashion show. Delorean's twin sister made herself useful in the kitchen and also won the Groom Trivia game so I hope she's satisfied with that. There were some good gifts. Everyone appreciated the giveaways and the chocolate fondue. We even got to sit down and chat with just immediate family afterward while it poured rain. Unfortunately I didn't get to bring home any purple cupcakes myself. It's probably for the best as I don't need them and they were made with eggs. I just hope I get to see some photos of the things I missed because I was busy in the kitchen for most of the afternoon.

Next up, bachelorette party. I have to tally up final numbers and then call and confirm our reservation. But first, I have to meet a kid for a drink tonight. I call him a kid but he's 27, lives alone and is an engineer working for a major grocery store chain. When I talked to him on the phone, I wasn't able to finish a sentence. We'll see how things go tonight.

I am so very tired. I should go to bed. Maybe I will.

1.47 am update: I'm really going to bed now.

Friggin frosted sprinkled cups of hell

Damn weddings are a pain in the ass. It took 15 hours to make 24 giveways for the bridal shower tomorrow afternoon. First we shopped for cellophane baggies, ribbons, charms, thank you tags, sprinkles, edible metal balls, cupcake holders, eggs, frosting and cupcakes-in -a-box. Thank goodness for Duncan Hines! Then we baked 48 cupcakes. Chocolate and lemon. With cream cheese frosting and purple sprinkles. We assembled the baggies, frosted and sprinkled the cupcakes and beribboned everything. Three of us worked on it all stinkin' evening. Don't get me wrong, it was totally fun to hang out with my girlfriends and their husbands but it was a lot of work. A LOT. The bride had no idea before we got into it how long it would take. I'm exhausted and can barely type but I need to work on the Groom Trivia game for tomorrow. Yay me. Don't ever let me have a wedding of my own!

My uterus is hiding

Yay, I'm home before midnight! There is no more effective birth control than a room full of screaming children. I thought that, if I showed up after 8, most people with kids would have left but I was wrong. They were still there and the kids were cranky and tired. When I walked in the door, I could have sworn there were more children than grown ups. There weren't but it really felt like it. My hostess warned me on the phone which was a good thing otherwise I would have been totally overwhelmed! Fortunately, most of the kids were gone by 9.30. I am very ambivalent about having children. I spent most of my 20s adamantly not wanting one. Then I met someone who made me think that having kids with the right man wouldn't be such a bad thing. Now, I doubt I will meet the right man so the thought of kids is just sheer insanity. Plus, I like my space and my time and my silence. I am a very selfish individual and I'm okay with that. Sadly though, I didn't have the energy or creative juices to carve a pumpkin this year. I thought about carving the company logo in a silent, ironic protest but then I realized I couldn't charge that time and would be "working" for free. Instead I sat on the couch and tried not to let the overwhelming baby-ness show too much on my face.

Nuts

I feel so ashamed of myself. I have to confess to someone that I just ate a teaspoon of nutella right out of the jar. I really wanted some chocolate but not a chocolate bar. I thought about a banana so I would at least get some fruit. But then I said to myself, out loud, because I can, "I can just eat it right out of the jar!" So I did. And damn, it tasted good.

Head.hurts.

My head hurts.

I'm buried under a pile of reports.

I should take them to bed with me tonight because I can barely keep my eyes open.

I really have to pee but I don't want to get up. It's so much harder to bring myself back.

Ugh, can't hold it now that I've thought about it.

I got up. And then I went downstairs to knock on the neighbour's door because their bass was giving me a headache. They didn't answer their door. Even though I knocked 4 times. But the music did get turned off. Weird.

Anyway, back to work. I really don't want this to carry over into tomorrow afternoon. I have my PAP test (yay me) and I had planned to take the afternoon off. Those things always make me feel very fragile.

Sweet

Last night I was in so much pain that I forgot to blog about a most charming story. I was at A's parent's house hanging out with septuagenarians. One couple lives across the street from me and they are highly educated and highly entertaining. At one point, wife said how lucky she was to have someone supportive in her life who encouraged her to do her PhD. Husband responded with "who was that?" and she said "my husband". He said "I did that?!" and they both laughed. Then I said "no it was the other husband" and they went off on a tangent about harems and how he can't remember his compliments anymore because he has too many wives. The moment was sweet and wonderful in it's sincere simplicity. They are my gold standard for old people relationships. If I can't have that, I don't want anything.

On a more positive note, someone sent me a message today on PoF and he used punctuation!

I'm getting up from my desk now. I worked for 10 hours today and my butt is sore.

But before I do that, I have to mention that Grey put up a new profile photo on facebook today and it's outrageously hot. It was all I could do to not comment or text message him. But it makes me want to rip my clothes off and hurl my naked body at him. Wait, I think I used that line about another francophone recently. In the photo, he has his typical "look" on his face. The one that says, "I have no interest in what this person is saying and I would rather be at home sitting on the couch smoking a j but I'm faking politeness because you're not the woman I am currently bending over the back of the couch and I have to pretend to be nice to you." Yes, the man is a jackass. A hot jackass. And I want him. NOW.

Ow

My back is killing me. I can feel my painkillers working every time my uterus contracts. I am definitely not going through childbirth. I wonder if I can get an epidural for my cramps?

I'm swamped and behind on work. I put in almost a full week last week. And considering that Monday was a holiday, that's pretty impressive even for me. Especially if you consider that more than 50% of those hours were billed this weekend. I really have got to stop procrastinating. I had dinner with some septuagenarians this evening which was highly entertaining and informative, as always, but it sucked up 4 hours of my time. Hopefully I can get up early tomorrow morning and put in another 12 hours.

3.36 am update: I yam still awake. My back still hurts but less because I took more drugs. I love prescription painkillers. Except that they make my tummy sore. I yam really going to sleep now.

Better

Emotionally, anyway. I talked to my former Valentine last night when I got into bed and he made me laugh. Physically, I feel like I got hit by a train. Jagermeister is not my friend. Ugh. I need to do some work and then go to a baby warming event. I hope the baby isn't screaming when I get there. I'm hopped up on pain meds as it is and can't take anything for the hangover. Ugh.

The Ugly One

I had a good time tonight. Until some guy called me fat and stupid. He's a friend of a friend and this was the second time I met him. I know I shouldn't care but I wasn't prepared for it and it's hard not to take it personally. Especially because the two other girls I was out with are gorgeous. I'm going to bed. Hopefully I won't actually cry. Much.

Grey's birthday

He spent it golfing. I spent it working, doing wedding crap and getting new tires. Yay new tires! Actually, it's a bit hilarious that I put BFGoodrich Touring tires on my Crapolla but wow do they ever rock! They're quiet and the car handles so nicely now. I almost went for a big drive but I think I'll save that for Sunday. Thank you Costco and Baby. I should really get my own membership. Anyway, $380 later and I'm satisfied. I don't even have to get them retorqued!

Now, I just want to spend the rest of the evening lying on the couch. I can't though. I have to go out. Stinkin' birthday parties. I should get in the shower and wash my hair and shave. I can at least manage that. I thought about stopping at Tom's Dairy Freeze on The Queensway on my way home. A hot fudge sundae would medicate my mood nicely. But I need ice cream like I need a new hole in my head. Sigh, what to wear?

Response to message

I got a message on POF that struck me as odd, and a tiny bit offensive. Perhaps I'm overthinking and the guy is not a total racist. But his first, and only, question was to ask me what my background was. I'm assuming that he was asking about ethnic background and not, say, educational or professional background. I wrote a response but then decided not to send it. I'm not going to reply to him at all. Wait, that's not true. I already asked him if it was important and he said no. I'm not going to reply to the second email. But this is what I wrote.

To be honest, I find the question a bit strange. Most guys just ask for a photo and judge for themselves whether they want to pursue things further.

If you are looking for a woman of specific background, ethnicity, religion, whatever, then you might be better off stating that in your profile. Or, more to the point, if there are certain religions/backgrounds that are not compatible with your own, you might state that too.

If ethnicity, background, religion are not important, why would you lead with that question?

So, I'll leave you with a few hints. I belong to a visible minority. When you look at me, it's pretty obvious which visible minority I belong to. Within that visible minority group, I am "mixed". The reason that I put "mixed" on my PoF profile is that I object to listing my ethnicity on principle but I don't have the option to not list it. I am first and foremost Canadian. I do not speak the language of my parents and am not very religious. Therefore, I think I should be judged on my personality first, and my ethnic background second. Yes, it has everything to do with my looks, which are undoubtedly important. But if looks were that important, online dating sites wouldn't be so successful, would they?

Basically, I'm inclined to think that this guy is an idiot and my instincts are telling me not to respond. I'm going to trust them, for once.

Stuff. And stuff.

The wedding is in 29 days and I'm starting to get a bit stressed. There is still a lot left to do.

Three people messaged me on POF today and none of them were scary looking. One is a swing dancing geek (my old type), another is a cocky computer geek (my post X type) and the third is really cocky but also kinda funny (my Grey type). Probably none will go anywhere but it's nice to make "contact". Ha.

A is still pining away for the loss of her stupid ex-boyfriend. It has been 3 months since they split. I am starting to feel as though she needs to snap out of it and do something. Anything. Go to the gym. Sign up for a photography class. Move out of her apartment. I know that's not terribly sympathetic so I didn't call her back when I got home from Baby's tonight. To be fair (to me), we talked for 45 minutes this afternoon while I was at work. And, to be fair (to her), that's probably the last thing she needs to hear right now. She is probably suffering from depression but I'm not equipped to deal with that. I'm too grumpy and short-tempered to be a good listener right now so I'm going to revert to avoidance, at least until my period starts on Saturday (sorry gents, TMI, I know).

I was going to write something else but I'm too tired. I should just go straight to bed but I won't. I'm going to watch some TV and eat some ice cream. Because that's the kind of single girl I am.

Update. 41 minutes after I finished writing the above paragraph, I have just finished the first draft of a colour coded spreadsheet itemizing all the thing that need to get done in the next 29 days. I feel a mild panic attack coming on.

Yannick Bisson is HAWT

I just saw the new CIBC commercial and had to rewind and start over. In fact, I may have to watch it several times. Yannick Bisson makes me want to rip my clothes off and hurl my naked body at him. Rowr.

There was an ugly wedding-related family politics incident involving one of Delorean's aunts. Apparently she had some issues about which of her three daughters got invited to the bridal shower and why. Not that I had anything to do with the bridal shower guest list. She was extremely rude to me, wouldn't let me finish my sentences and actually hung up on me. Twice. I ended up talking to Grey about it and he reminded me that she's probably one of those insane women who treat strangers like shit because it hasn't occurred to her that she will have to see me in a month at the wedding. He told me to let it just roll off. He was right and he actually made me feel better. It's like a minor miracle or something. Anyway, everything is fine now. I talked to Baby and she talked to the aunt and sorted it all out. I told her that I would no longer be dealing with that part of the family as I'm not equipped to deal with that level of family politics.

In totally unrelated news, it was election day today. Actually, now that I think about it, these two events are not totally unrelated. The election volunteers were rude and stupid too but looked like well-intentioned buffoons compared to raving psycho bitch aunt lady.

Anyway, my riding is not a swing riding and Bob Rae, the former premier of Ontario, is firmly entrenched, thanks, in part, to my vote in the by-election not so long ago. That was in March of this year. According to an online article in Metro News dated tomorrow morning (!), Bob Rae kept his seat today. I chose not to vote Liberal this time around, just to send a message. This was the vote breakdown, according to the CBC.

LIB	Bob Rae	18,535	53.10	Elected
CON	David Gentili	6,423	18.40
NDP	El-Farouk Khaki	5,254	15.05
GRN	Ellen Michelson	4,304	12.33
AAE	Liz White	131	0.38
COM	Johan Boyden	113	0.32
IND	Gerald Derome	91	0.26
ML	Philip Fernandez	56	0.16

I can't believe almost 300 people voted for those other parties. They would be:
Animal Alliance Environment (or Aliens Against Everything or Amphibians Anonymous Entertainment or something)
Communist Party of Canada
Independent
Marxist-Leninist

Anyway, back to Yannick for a little midnight snack.