Saturday, November 8, 2008

Eyeball deep in wedding spreadsheets

Shizzle got done today peeps. Mostly by me but a bit by Baby. She bought her bridesmaid gifts and her wedding necklace at the mall. She went to her marriage class. And I... I did lots and lots.

I created my master spreadsheet. Can I tell you what the tabs are? Pretty please? Okay fine, just skip to the bottom of the list!
My weekend task list
Tasks_6 days
Seating arrangement
Wedding procession
Rehearsal dinner task list
Florist contract
Stuff to bring to wedding
Photography list
Table numbers (Chinese characters)
DJ playlist_ceremony
DJ playlist_events
DJ playlist_dancing

I know, it's freakin' awesome. I can't wait to print the schedule out in colour at work on Monday. It's Friday night. Is that sad? Am I a sad, sad catless spinster woman? Because I'm very happy I got all this stuff done and I had a lot of fun doing it. Now I can really enjoy the bachelorette party tomorrow night. I'm starving. I think I need a food break. I know it's 2 am but I had two Pepsis today and I'm going to be awake for a couple more hours.

Okay I'm back.

I was thinking about this online dating thing. And GH's post about closure and not-knowing. I'm a big believer in not simply disappearing. It's not right. Not just because it's rude. It's callous and inconsiderate and cowardly. On Wednesday, after the horrendous date with the gay man, I received an email from him asking to see me again. I declined and I like to think I did so politely. I didn't give him an specific reasons, just that I didn't think we were right for each other and got the impression that he felt the same. I also didn't offer friendship as a consolation prize because he stated repeatedly that he was not interested in friendship. I did offer to be a rock climbing partner but I doubt I will hear from him again. I feel better for having actually sent him a rejection and not simply ignoring his email. I would have said the same thing if he had phoned and I thought the choice to email rather than phone was rather telling. Having received the same treatment only a week ago, I hope that this dating karma perpetuates itself through the Universe. You know, pay it forward. "It" being kindness, right?

I don't know why men disappear. Gay Tuesday night guy said that it's because rejection stings. I don't follow the logic. Was he suggesting that disappearing is better than asking for a follow up date because it's less scary to wonder what might have been than to take a chance on asking? I always assumed that men disappeared because they just weren't that into me. And I hate that most men can't just say goodbye politely with an "I just don't think this is right". I appreciate that kind of honesty. I believe that disappearing is the mark of a coward. So, while I'm better off without that man, it's frustrating to wait. Really, really frustrating.

As a corollary, I often find myself wondering what I did or said to merit such rudeness. I mean, I must be doing something heinous, no? No, okay, I admit, rationally I can understand that the reasons men disappear are probably not related to me as much as to their own peculiar brand of neuroses. Maybe I wear too much pink. Or my laugh is too manly. Or my boobs are too big. Or I'm too independent. I'm not vulnerable to perverted and predatory behaviour so they move on to the next unsuspecting victim. I don't know. Rationally, I understand with my brain that it probably wouldn't serve me well to know "WHY". And eventually, the "WHY" fades. It's less "what the hell happened to you?" and more "huh, the mysteries of the male psyche". Granted, it takes a very long time to get there. That's because my heart and my brain are apparently disconnected. They do seem to share the same body some of the time. But it's infrequent when it comes to dating and men.

Are you still on the crazy rambling train?

I haven't had much experience dating women who subsequently disappear. Actually, I've never dated a woman. But thinking about the reasons my girlfriends disappear, I hypothesize that women who exhibit the same behaviour are trying to fill a hole as well. A very different hole but it's a void nonetheless. My friends who exhibit this behaviour have low self-esteem and seek happiness in material, ephemeral pursuits. Like cute boys, new clothes, clubs and other trivial stuff. Nothing lasts long. The clothes are cheap, the clubs are boring and the boys are fluff. Needless to say, these girls don't stay friends with me for long. Rather, I don't stay friends with them. Then, when they come wheedling back because the latest cute boy has dumped them or their birthday is coming up and they want more stuff gifts, I screen. It's not hard. I'm usually very busy. Sometimes I feel like a bitch for being this way but I don't have the time or energy to deal with that sort of crap.

I wish I was as obstinate and no-nonsense with Grey. He said he would try to come by this weekend to help me with my faucet. He also said he would come to the bachelorette party but he changed his mind about that today. Sigh. I guess he won't be coming by to play Joe Plumber/Desperate Housewife any time soon. Why does he continue to have this effect on me? And can I really be open to someone "better" while I continue to feel this way about him? The feelings show no sign of abating almost one year after the "I'm not in love with you" fiasco. Is it possible to feel heartache for one and simultaneous heart palpitations for another? Or, in the words of the wise man, Heathcliff Huxtable, does that mean I have an extra heart? Am I destined to be in this solitary Grey limbo until he falls in love and gets married and has little Greys running around? I did, however, veto his request to meet my mother. Not even my friends meet my mom, let alone guys who booty call me at 2.42 am because they're wasted and want to show off to their newest friend/client/clubbing rat.

I know. I suck. At least I will always have colour-coded Excel wedding spreadsheets.


cce said...

No, you don't suck and I have a cat you could have if your looking to really become a true spinster. Joking aside, the Grey thing will subside but only when you really, really cut it off. You can't move on when he's calling and maybe coming to bachlorette parties and coming over to fix the faucet, you just can't. I had an on-again off-again thing with my first love for SIX years because I was never strong enough to cut him off. He just kept coming back when it was convenient. And I let him and it slayed me every time he left and he left often. Only when I met another man and cut him off completely could I begin to heal. I still think about him from time to time but I can listen to a U2 song now without weeping. And that took years, years. Hang in there and be strong. Don't let him into your life if he's not there to stay.

Anonymous said...

On our date, the 29YO told me about how she had sent a rejection e-mail to an online suitor and he replied by insulting her looks. I knew from that tale that she wasn't the type to just blow someone off. Or so I thought. I dunno. The more I ponder it, the less sense it all makes.

Maybe it's just the universe's way of telling me to get out of the dating market.

As for guys disappearing, I can't really say, having not done it myself...

Elusive Butterfly said...

Maybe that experience made her feel as though disappearing was the best way to protect herself. Whatever the reason, you're not going to get closure from her so you will have to create it for yourself. I know how hard it is. It takes time. Be gentle with yourself.

Alexandreena said...

You DO NOT suck!