I heart NYC

I really do. I only met one person who doesn't love NYC. That person is the mother of a friend I grew up with. They're close, close family friends. She (the mom) has retired to a sleepy village in India and complained about the noise and traffic and traffic in New York. The groom's mother told her that nobody in India can complain about the noise and traffic in NYC. She makes a good point. NYC is a lot like India and a lot like Hong Kong. It's loud, it's fast, it's noisy and it's smelly.

It's friggin' fabulous. It felt like I had finally come home. I would live there in a heartbeat. Not forever. But for a couple of years. Anyone wanna come with?

Weekly phone call

Capitaine le Vomi phoned this afternoon and we talked for half an hour about stuff. I had just about given up on hearing from him as the last email was Wednesday afternoon during the TSX meltdown. He told me he would maybe call me that night. But then I went out and partied which was a good thing because no phone call. No further emails. Then, two in rapid succession this afternoon. In the second email, he said he might try calling me. Which he did. Before I could finish typing a reply. That boy is very confusing. But lengthy, funny emails and occasional phone calls do not a relationship make. They barely constitute a friendship, especially when our grand total meetings number three, one of which was spent vomiting cranberry, orange and vodka all over everything. I have learned my lesson though and will not be mentioning my extracurricular activities with Grey to him or any other man.

I am exhausted but can't seem to drag myself to bed. I did eleventy loads of laundry this evening and wish I had started earlier in the week. It's a real drag to have four pairs of jeans and a pair of purple cords hanging on my drying rack in addition to all the sweaters, bras, mitts, toques, long johns and dress pants. Poor little contraption is buckling under all that weight.

I'm really looking forward to the wedding and reception. Hopefully the roads will be cleared when I wake up and the drive to Snowville won't be too crazy. Fingers crossed!

It's been a month...

If a booty call is pre-arranged, is it still a booty call?

I just got home from Grey's. He was in a very good mood yesterday which was nice. Not drunk and not (very) high. I made him laugh a lot. I don't think he appreciates that. He did seem to appreciate the effort it took for me to find and actually wear a matching set of white lace underwear instead of my usual 100% cotton schtuff imported from M&S and VS full coverage IPEX bra. I can't help it though. Lace is itchy and cotton is comfy. Plus, you can just throw it in the laundry. There has to be a reason that men don't wear lace. Why should I have to wear it?

Anyway, I told him it was his Christmas present. And then we had a discussion about how December sucks and we both wish Christmas would disappear. But that, as long as there are kids to open presents, there will always be Christmas. Apparently he's buying toboggans for his nieces this year. I can only imagine how thrilled his brother and sister-in-law will be when he shows up with those next week.

He's looking forward to 11-course Chinese banquet at the wedding tomorrow. We talked about how I haven't taken a date to a wedding in 5 years. 5! And that he's not a real date anyway. Because I don't have to babysit him, make sure he has a drink at all times, have polite conversation and be nice to each other. Why ruin a good thing, right? Sometimes it's hard for me to maintain this tough girl act. I'm an affectionate person in relationships and his nickname for me, "suction cup", is appropriate. But for some reason he doesn't respond to that. I think he actually prefers to be the affectionate, cuddly one. We cuddled a lot last night and this morning. It was nice. It was nice to hold hands and fall asleep together. To be spooned and do the spooning.

So how do I find me a guy that wants to do those things and actually go on dates and talk and stuff? Sheesh, if I had known it would be this hard to find a new relationship, I would have stayed with X for another 7 years in Tibet. Actually, I really wouldn't have. This arrangement seems to be working out just fine for now. And he didn't completely freak out when I proposed living with him in April which is remarkable. But the more I think about it, the less I want to live with him. I'm really going to start looking for a cheaper place to live in the new year.

First though, nap time. I don't sleep well with others.

Perfection

Wedding was perfect. Everyone was happy. Including myself. Picked up Grey for a quickie afterwards. Was just what I needed to help me unwind and get to sleep tonight. Looking forward to the weekend in Montreal :)

Short term outlook

This time tomorrow, it will all be over. Looking forward to Saturday evening in Monteal. Looking forward even further to next weekend when I will hopefully see The Crush! He texted me back today :) Here I was worrying about whether or not he was blowing me off because he didn't respond to my email. Something just feels right about this. I'm going to try and hold onto that and not play stupid guessing games in my brain.

Response to previous comments

Oh my goodness you guys, I really needed to hear all of that. Thank you! Baby turned into bridezilla this evening. Too much to drink, I think. I was told that there was a screaming match between her and Delorean's twin sister. I'm scared to ask her about it so perhaps I won't at all! I am sick of being marriage counselor, bridesmaid, best friend and recipient of bad-tempered high-pitched screeches all rolled into one. Most things are done now, just a few odds and ends to tie up. Hopefully everyone will be able to relax tomorrow and there won't be any more drama. I can't take much more yelling. I am really looking forward to yoga class tomorrow and I'm looking forward even more to getting in my car and driving away from everything on Saturday morning.

I'm a bit concerned that her mother will be offended if I wear black to the wedding. I went to Mexx this morning on my way home from the office and tried on a little purple dress which is gorgeous but outrageously low in the front. I may try it on again tomorrow with some double sided tape to see if I can make it work. I *hate* being a girl. In my next lifetime, I will definitely be a man! Sigh.

Okay, off to bed. Finally! I am so exhausted. I don't think I have had more than 5 hours sleep in the last week or so.

Eyeball deep in wedding spreadsheets

Shizzle got done today peeps. Mostly by me but a bit by Baby. She bought her bridesmaid gifts and her wedding necklace at the mall. She went to her marriage class. And I... I did lots and lots.

I created my master spreadsheet. Can I tell you what the tabs are? Pretty please? Okay fine, just skip to the bottom of the list!
My weekend task list
Tasks_6 days
Seating arrangement
Vendors
Wedding procession
Rehearsal dinner task list
Florist contract
Stuff to bring to wedding
Photography list
Table numbers (Chinese characters)
DJ playlist_ceremony
DJ playlist_events
DJ playlist_dancing
Schedule

I know, it's freakin' awesome. I can't wait to print the schedule out in colour at work on Monday. It's Friday night. Is that sad? Am I a sad, sad catless spinster woman? Because I'm very happy I got all this stuff done and I had a lot of fun doing it. Now I can really enjoy the bachelorette party tomorrow night. I'm starving. I think I need a food break. I know it's 2 am but I had two Pepsis today and I'm going to be awake for a couple more hours.

Okay I'm back.

I was thinking about this online dating thing. And GH's post about closure and not-knowing. I'm a big believer in not simply disappearing. It's not right. Not just because it's rude. It's callous and inconsiderate and cowardly. On Wednesday, after the horrendous date with the gay man, I received an email from him asking to see me again. I declined and I like to think I did so politely. I didn't give him an specific reasons, just that I didn't think we were right for each other and got the impression that he felt the same. I also didn't offer friendship as a consolation prize because he stated repeatedly that he was not interested in friendship. I did offer to be a rock climbing partner but I doubt I will hear from him again. I feel better for having actually sent him a rejection and not simply ignoring his email. I would have said the same thing if he had phoned and I thought the choice to email rather than phone was rather telling. Having received the same treatment only a week ago, I hope that this dating karma perpetuates itself through the Universe. You know, pay it forward. "It" being kindness, right?

I don't know why men disappear. Gay Tuesday night guy said that it's because rejection stings. I don't follow the logic. Was he suggesting that disappearing is better than asking for a follow up date because it's less scary to wonder what might have been than to take a chance on asking? I always assumed that men disappeared because they just weren't that into me. And I hate that most men can't just say goodbye politely with an "I just don't think this is right". I appreciate that kind of honesty. I believe that disappearing is the mark of a coward. So, while I'm better off without that man, it's frustrating to wait. Really, really frustrating.

As a corollary, I often find myself wondering what I did or said to merit such rudeness. I mean, I must be doing something heinous, no? No, okay, I admit, rationally I can understand that the reasons men disappear are probably not related to me as much as to their own peculiar brand of neuroses. Maybe I wear too much pink. Or my laugh is too manly. Or my boobs are too big. Or I'm too independent. I'm not vulnerable to perverted and predatory behaviour so they move on to the next unsuspecting victim. I don't know. Rationally, I understand with my brain that it probably wouldn't serve me well to know "WHY". And eventually, the "WHY" fades. It's less "what the hell happened to you?" and more "huh, the mysteries of the male psyche". Granted, it takes a very long time to get there. That's because my heart and my brain are apparently disconnected. They do seem to share the same body some of the time. But it's infrequent when it comes to dating and men.

Are you still on the crazy rambling train?

I haven't had much experience dating women who subsequently disappear. Actually, I've never dated a woman. But thinking about the reasons my girlfriends disappear, I hypothesize that women who exhibit the same behaviour are trying to fill a hole as well. A very different hole but it's a void nonetheless. My friends who exhibit this behaviour have low self-esteem and seek happiness in material, ephemeral pursuits. Like cute boys, new clothes, clubs and other trivial stuff. Nothing lasts long. The clothes are cheap, the clubs are boring and the boys are fluff. Needless to say, these girls don't stay friends with me for long. Rather, I don't stay friends with them. Then, when they come wheedling back because the latest cute boy has dumped them or their birthday is coming up and they want more stuff gifts, I screen. It's not hard. I'm usually very busy. Sometimes I feel like a bitch for being this way but I don't have the time or energy to deal with that sort of crap.

I wish I was as obstinate and no-nonsense with Grey. He said he would try to come by this weekend to help me with my faucet. He also said he would come to the bachelorette party but he changed his mind about that today. Sigh. I guess he won't be coming by to play Joe Plumber/Desperate Housewife any time soon. Why does he continue to have this effect on me? And can I really be open to someone "better" while I continue to feel this way about him? The feelings show no sign of abating almost one year after the "I'm not in love with you" fiasco. Is it possible to feel heartache for one and simultaneous heart palpitations for another? Or, in the words of the wise man, Heathcliff Huxtable, does that mean I have an extra heart? Am I destined to be in this solitary Grey limbo until he falls in love and gets married and has little Greys running around? I did, however, veto his request to meet my mother. Not even my friends meet my mom, let alone guys who booty call me at 2.42 am because they're wasted and want to show off to their newest friend/client/clubbing rat.

I know. I suck. At least I will always have colour-coded Excel wedding spreadsheets.

Blarg

Pretending the bachelorette party isn't going to happen is not helping me figure out what to wear. I will be back momentarily. I also really have to pee.

So much for momentarily. I wish I was a tall, slender-muscled woman with larger-than-average breasts, a flat to concave stomach and a nice ass. Instead, I am short and more on the stout side than skinny. Fortunately, I was blessed with my dad's perky butt and not my mother's saggy one. There are only a handful of men on the planet that are aware of my breast size. And my doctor. I have good teeth and hair but people seem to take that for granted these days. Sigh. Enough of that. Wishing won't make it so.

The make up and photography trial was today. Make up was okay. Decent but not fabulous. Photographers are awesome. I'm looking forward to seeing the photos. If I still live in the province when they arrive! Is it wrong that I'm looking forward to getting the colour-coded spreadsheet from the photographer? I'm very behind on my own. Oh my God, it just arrived! So exciting! Must look at it before bed :)

Real update

I think that the bridal shower went really well. The bride had a good time and I think that the guests did too. Toilet paper bride went well and ended with a toilet paper wedding gown fashion show. Delorean's twin sister made herself useful in the kitchen and also won the Groom Trivia game so I hope she's satisfied with that. There were some good gifts. Everyone appreciated the giveaways and the chocolate fondue. We even got to sit down and chat with just immediate family afterward while it poured rain. Unfortunately I didn't get to bring home any purple cupcakes myself. It's probably for the best as I don't need them and they were made with eggs. I just hope I get to see some photos of the things I missed because I was busy in the kitchen for most of the afternoon.

Next up, bachelorette party. I have to tally up final numbers and then call and confirm our reservation. But first, I have to meet a kid for a drink tonight. I call him a kid but he's 27, lives alone and is an engineer working for a major grocery store chain. When I talked to him on the phone, I wasn't able to finish a sentence. We'll see how things go tonight.