Going West

They called today about the job offer. They wanted to offer me the contract position. I declined because I am single, have one income keeping a roof over my head and would like to buy a more permanent roof over my head before I retire. I have no-one else to rely on for benefits or financial security. So I think I made the right decision.

I plan to accept the offer to move to BC next week, as soon as they have removed the clause about a 90-day probationary period. I anticipate this will not be a problem as I have been with the company for 8 years, almost 4 of which were in BC. I hope that is not a ridiculous assumption but I suppose I will find out.

In not entirely unrelated news, I hate new grocery stores. I wish all stores (at least all stores in a chain) were laid out the same way. But they aren't. I went in to Grey's usual store (because it's open 24 hours and on the way home from Baby's house) to buy juice, soy milk, yoghurt, noodles and bagels and it took me 3 circuits around the store. There were a ton of people doing inventory but nobody offered any assistance. Truth be told, I didn't ask because they all looked stoned. And then, of course, I had to bag my own crap using the self-serve check out. Apparently, if you leave your hand in the bag while you're scanning your items, the scanner doesn't work. Supremely fucked up. I think that I might hate all grocery stores right now.

It doesn't help that my stomach is killing me. Don't know why but I should go to bed.

I need some advice

I had dinner with Pink Dress today and her car died when she arrived at my place. She phoned her mechanic and invited him to dinner with us. This is the same guy that called me chubby and blonde last October.

I thought I could pretend to be fine for a couple of hours but I don't think I can ever spend time with both of them together again. I'm still really hurt by what he said and he set me back light years with those comments. I know that he means nothing to me and I should just discard his opinion but I just can't get his words out of my head. I was so self-conscious of everything I ate at dinner tonight that I couldn't finish my meal.

I'm not sure if I should tell Pink Dress that I don't ever want to see him again or just forget it. The worst part is that she seems to think that he has a thing for me and there is no way in hell that I can purposely spend time with someone whose mere presence reinforces my neuroses about my low self-esteem and weight and food issues. Am I being insane?

Update: Grey, our mutual friend and MFV all told me I should tell her so I just sent her this email.

Okay, I don't know how to say this so I'm just going to come right out with it.

I know the mechanic is your good friend but I can't hang out with him again. When you said you had invited him to dinner, I thought I would be fine with it but it turns out I'm still not over him calling me chubby and blonde last October. I realize these are my neuroses and he probably had no idea that he would touch on such a sensitive issue. I'm sorry, I know he's good to you. But I really have to assert myself on this one. I was really uncomfortable last night and that makes me unhappy because I was looking forward to catching up with you. Do-over on Saturday?

My head hurts

I handed in the second draft of my schmesis this morning so I took tonight off and saw Angels & Demons. I really enjoyed it but now I'm feeling a bit guilty for not doing any work. I suck. I'm going to see a dentist on Thursday afternoon because I have started grinding my teeth. It's getting so bad that my ears hurt. Usually it's my left shoulder so this teeth this is really new. I might try to book a massage this week as well. Sigh. I need someone to come over and rub my face.

What the...?

My body is demonstrating signs of stress in one very unusual place. I need some chamomile tea. For my navel piercing. Has anyone experienced this before? Ugh. I need sleep and a vacation. It's time to start the defense countdown. 32 days til I'm freeee.

Go play outside

I have a headache.

I went to a class at the gym that makes me want to puke. I'm not sure if it's because I overdid it or because I need to wear ear plugs. The Britney-esque instructor is a cheerleader from Alabama. I just wish she would lip sync too. She does little to motivate me but I didn't think of it until I looked at the clock and realized there was only 15 minutes left in the class. Then I really powered it up.

Also, BO Man apparently takes this class. Gross. I kept thinking it was me. I overheard some of the other girls saying they thought it was them too. That's how pervasive it was. Nasty. Maybe that's why the headache.

Speaking of the gym, check out this ScarJo article from my pants buddy, Awkward.

Listen, I'm not a fan of ScarJo but thank the stars for sensible celebs who write these things. If you don't have time for the whole thing, at the very least the third paragraph. 14 pounds = 2 heads!

I get that people want to be skinny. Hell, I want to be skinny! It's not nice to be called "chubby" by a virtual stranger (drunk stranger, but whatever, still hurts). But it's never going to happen. In order for me to be skinny, I would have to lose 10 pounds. Not going to happen. I need my cranium because my brain is just about the only thing going for me. Plus, I like having enough muscle strength to stand up and get out of bed in the morning. Snort.

Baby keeps trying to lose weight and, when she works out, she burns it like a high performance gasoline engine. We're talking 700 calories in 45 minutes on the elliptical. Her legs move so fast I can't even see them. She normally eats a lot because hot damn that girl's metabolism is high. She started depriving herself a few weeks ago and got sick. I think she was doing that because she's in Cali this week. Anyway, she started eating normally again and felt better. I told her to focus on the parts of her body she's unhappy with instead of trying to lose weight. That's why I go to pirates class. At least if I'm actively working on the rumblytummyblobmonster, I won't spend so much time feeling hideous when I look in the mirror. Right? Right.

Some notable things happened to me this morning but I am too wiped to remember. I went for Chinese for dinner and something did not agree with me. My stomach is killing me.

Oh yeah, I finished the crossword and the sudoku on the subway ride to work this morning. And then I helped ditzy blonde girl in the office with it.

Okay, I'm going to bed early tonight. For real.

Not so bright

I am in some serious pain tonight. It's my own fault. I was bad this week and now I'm paying the price. The guys might want to stop reading now.

Cramps. Suck. In my next life, I'm definitely going to be a man. Last month, it was not so bad. That's because I was good. Usually, the week before my period, I cut out caffeine and chocolate and work out more. Generally it works. I can manage the pain with prescription meds and I'm on the pill so it always happens on a weekend. That way I never miss work. Sunday nights are usually pretty bad. But last month, I was good. A lot less pain was my reward. However, this month, I had a short memory and thought "ahhh, well last month was good so I can afford to be a little bit bad". No. BAD IDEA.

I was basically doing lamaze for the last hour of the movie (Duplicity - definitely a rental) and for the drive home. I think I hit every single red light between Baby's house and mine. I was yelling at the traffic lights, "change, damn you!" My yelling quietly, in my head, because I was nauseated and felt like passing out.

So I'm going to bed now. I have decided that my bed is my favourite place in the whole world.

Lessons learned

I learned some valuable lessons at the gym today:

1. Do not take a double class without a water bottle.
2. Do not take a double class at a gym with multiple floors and no elevator.
3. Do not take a double class without Advil.
4. Do not take a double class which ends with meditation in a freezing cold room.
5. Do not take a double class and then follow it up with a 20 minute walk home in heels.
6. I need a man to help me get undressed after I get home from a double class. It's exhausting getting out of my Lululemon tank top and Nike sports bra. I had to do it in stages.

First, Lulu over the boobage (it's not large but there is a considerable amount there). Break. Then Lulu top over one shoulder blade. Stash it under the armpit and take a deep breath. Lulu top over other should blade. 5 minute break. Shimmy, shimmy, shimmy, exhale and YANK! 10 minute break. Repeat with sports bra. Sheesh.

On a totally unrelated note, while I was at the gym for two hours this evening, my friend in the pink dress called me 4 times. 4!!! Then she texted asking if I was okay because she hadn't heard from me since last night at around 10 pm. Okay, fine, she's worried (because, unlike her, I always return calls within a couple of hours). BUT this is the girl that told me I shouldn't have asked C le V to call me last weekend. She said I should have just rolled with it and waited for him to call. Eventually. I asked her how long I should have waited, considering he had been distant for a couple of weeks and clearly something had changed. She didn't have an answer but said that she doesn't like it when someone expects her to call at a certain time. It's too much pressure.

Okay fine. I get that. But she's not sleeping with me. And I didn't ask him to call at a certain time. Just at some point over his not busy weekend at home doing laundry and jerking off.

But really the point is this.
A: I shouldn't have to ask him (or any guy who wants to stay in my pants) to call me. Any guy that's interested (enough) is going to want to talk to me. He did and we used to talk for ages about everything. Something changed.
B: When I ask him to phone me, he should just man up and do it. I mean, is that really too much to ask? That's a serious question. The other option is to stop sleeping with me. Clearly he was more interested in the second option.

Moving right along... do you know how frustrating it is when your vibrator dies in the bubble bath? Okay fine, I was in there for a while but still...

Mucus monster

My sinuses (sinii?) are pounding so I am going to write quickly and then spend the rest of the evening horizontal on the couch.

I overmedicated myself (mmmm ibuprofen!) today because I had a superimportantclientmeeting this afternoon. It was well worth it because the meeting went well - nobody asked me any questions and I didn't hork green boogers over everyone - but now the meds (lotsa Advil Cold & Sinus and corticosteroid nasal spray) are definitely wearing off. My sinii are reminding me they're still alive and kicking my brains out with a vengeance.

It's weird. Usually when I get these sinus problems, the drugs dry up my phlegm no problem but this time it's been hanging out between my nose and my throat making it very difficult to speak, breathe or eat. Probably the same reason I haven't been sleeping. Ugh. My ears are plugged too.

It doesn't seem fair. I was sick when I was in India and I had tonsillitis for the entire month of August. How can I be sick again? Is it possible to have my sinii removed, do you think?

Ugh. Wait, I already said that. Okay, off to the couch. I think I had something else to say but it's gone in the snot-induced murkiness surrounding my brain.

Oh dear...

I ended up partying tonight. It's Wednesday! Well, technically I suppose it's Thursday. Ouch, this is going to hurt in the morning. We started at Spice Route and then ended up at lobby. The vodka-cran would have been okay... if it hadn't been for the mystery vodka shots with lime around midnight. And it's too late to place a booty call! I need a younger booty buddy. Someone who answers his phone after midnight. Urgh...

Ow

My stomach really freakin' hurts. Not all the time but a lot. Enough that I can't sleep lying down. Propped up on a pillow on the couch seems to be better. I can barely keep my eyes open and I really have to go to the bathroom but I can't tear myself away from the internets.

Today I bought myself a new top. I don't need it but it fits quite well. It was expensive though. What do you think? Should I keep it?

Sweet

Last night I was in so much pain that I forgot to blog about a most charming story. I was at A's parent's house hanging out with septuagenarians. One couple lives across the street from me and they are highly educated and highly entertaining. At one point, wife said how lucky she was to have someone supportive in her life who encouraged her to do her PhD. Husband responded with "who was that?" and she said "my husband". He said "I did that?!" and they both laughed. Then I said "no it was the other husband" and they went off on a tangent about harems and how he can't remember his compliments anymore because he has too many wives. The moment was sweet and wonderful in it's sincere simplicity. They are my gold standard for old people relationships. If I can't have that, I don't want anything.

On a more positive note, someone sent me a message today on PoF and he used punctuation!

I'm getting up from my desk now. I worked for 10 hours today and my butt is sore.

But before I do that, I have to mention that Grey put up a new profile photo on facebook today and it's outrageously hot. It was all I could do to not comment or text message him. But it makes me want to rip my clothes off and hurl my naked body at him. Wait, I think I used that line about another francophone recently. In the photo, he has his typical "look" on his face. The one that says, "I have no interest in what this person is saying and I would rather be at home sitting on the couch smoking a j but I'm faking politeness because you're not the woman I am currently bending over the back of the couch and I have to pretend to be nice to you." Yes, the man is a jackass. A hot jackass. And I want him. NOW.

Ow

My back is killing me. I can feel my painkillers working every time my uterus contracts. I am definitely not going through childbirth. I wonder if I can get an epidural for my cramps?

I'm swamped and behind on work. I put in almost a full week last week. And considering that Monday was a holiday, that's pretty impressive even for me. Especially if you consider that more than 50% of those hours were billed this weekend. I really have got to stop procrastinating. I had dinner with some septuagenarians this evening which was highly entertaining and informative, as always, but it sucked up 4 hours of my time. Hopefully I can get up early tomorrow morning and put in another 12 hours.

3.36 am update: I yam still awake. My back still hurts but less because I took more drugs. I love prescription painkillers. Except that they make my tummy sore. I yam really going to sleep now.

The Ugly One

I had a good time tonight. Until some guy called me fat and stupid. He's a friend of a friend and this was the second time I met him. I know I shouldn't care but I wasn't prepared for it and it's hard not to take it personally. Especially because the two other girls I was out with are gorgeous. I'm going to bed. Hopefully I won't actually cry. Much.

Oh God. When I first started boxing back in 2002, I'm pretty sure I remember thinking I was going to die. Or puke. Or both. It turns out going back to that sport 6 years later was a bad idea. Everything hurts, including my head. I'm exhausted and, if I don't sleep tonight, I will be a wreck tomorrow. I'm considering drugs tonight. Of the ibuprofen variety. I really hope I can move in the morning. I don't think I'm going back. If I'm thinking of going back next week, somebody physically restrain me. I'm begging.

Ouch

I went to the gym this evening. Not because I want to be a skinny girl who has straight legs, a concave stomach and can fit into a size 4 dress (because, let's face it, girls who wear 0 and 2 have no boobs and I like my boobs. They're actually very nice boobs, and significantly larger than they appear to be when I'm wearing clothes. I digress). The reason I went to the gym tonight is because I went to sleep at 4 something am yesterday. It was definitely after 4.11 am because that was the time of my last facebook status update. And I know that I didn't fall asleep right away because I remember thinking "why I am lying in bed awake?" And then I didn't sleep through the night because I remember being awake at various points. Although that might have been the night before. I went to the gym because I need to sleep. I need to sleep now and I would like to get at least 8 hours and wake up before noon. I have a lot of work to do, some of which involves a client deadline. Granted said deadline is not until next Wednesday but I want to not work this weekend. It is now 1.07 am and I would like to go to sleep now. So I am going to attempt that. Because, if I don't fall asleep very soon, all I will be left with after a very intense trip to cardio camp class will be sore hips, sore knees, sore ankles and sore feet but no size 4 body. Possibly sore abs and shoulders in 24 hours but those are okay because they're good sore not achy like I'm eleventy years old and my joints are breaking down and I need some Advil or Aleve or glucosamine chondroitin. It bodes well for me that the pain is making me incoherent. Maybe it will make me sleep too.

Mother of God life is an ironic bitch! Less than 9 minutes after posting this and my leg is asleep! Am I asleep? NO! But my leg?! Asleep!! Crap.

Premature ending?

Last night, I received an email from Captain W, the tone of which was substantially altered. He asked me to meet him for a coffee or beverage on Tuesday after work. I won't repeat his email. Suffice it to say that it was significantly different than his last which said that he would gladly kick Beyonce to the curb if that would keep away those rogues Brosnan and Firth. It was sweet. The most recent one was so formal as to be almost chilly. I said I was free on Tuesday but I tried to gently let him off the hook.

"Having said that [I am free Tuesday], email is a heck of a medium. I'm sensing from the altered tone of your email that you have something specific you'd like to say to me. So, using my wiley female intuition, I'm going to make the following small-ish leap. If you're considering ending our brief acquaintance on Tuesday and are planning on doing it in person, let me say that really isn't necessary. Dating etiquette states that you can do so over the phone or even email. MSN and post-it notes* are frowned upon, however. While I have been dumped most unexpectedly over MSN, I have never been left a post-it note. I do understand the motivation though. The remoteness of the action usually assuages the guilt of the dumper and makes it easier for the dumpee to rant and rave and throw things. Overall, it's much more difficult to behave with class when a break up happens in person. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that. "


While I'm a touch grumpy, I think that has more to do with disgruntled exhaustion than heartbreak. I am disappointed but unsurprised. It's probably for the best, given our respective religious (dis)beliefs. I'm glad there was no physical involvement.

I think it's time to take down my online dating profile. Celibacy for the remainder of the year. I don't even want to call Grey for long weekend afternoon sex. I danced so hard and so long last night that I'm taking 400 mg Advil and spending the next 24 hours on the couch with the paper and Detective Murdoch.

*Sex and the City break-up reference.

Apparently Tuesdays are also painful

I started my 24 hour experiment today. The centrifuge tubes haven't arrived but my awesome supervisor cut my workload down by about 70% so I'm trying to keep the bitching to a minimum. I spent 15 hours in the lab today and just walked in the door. I have to be back there in 6 hours so I had better go to sleep. I have to collect samples at 8 hours, 16 hours and 24 hours so tomorrow is going to be another long day. I can't decide if I should collect 15 mL in one centrifuge tube and then pipette 5 mL into test tubes as I need it or just collect 5 mL in three centrifuge tubes. Issues include test tube availability and fridge/freezer storage space. I think I'm going to do the latter as I HATE washing glassware. Did I mention that washing glassware is the bane of my graduate experience? I left dirty glassware in the lab tonight. Shocking, I know. I'm just very tired. Dead on my feet, in fact. And my left shoulder is so sore that, as I type this, my head is tipped over so that my right ear is almost touching my right shoulder. I probably look like a freak. Pardon the political incorrectness but one of the new undergrad lab assistants appears to have Tourettes. It's distracting.

Oh yes, I also talked to X today while I was labeling erlenmeyer flasks. We had a pretty good catch-up session. We decided he shouldn't bother inviting me to his wedding given that his ideal situation is that he would invite me and I would decline. I figured they would feel that way. So why waste an invitation and postage? It's just easier this way. No drama, no fuss, no further discussion.

Mondays are painful

Exhausting 11 hour day in the lab. My shoulder is wrapped so tight I could launch a missile off it. This week is going to be rough. I'm hoping to start my 24 hour experiment tomorrow. I'd like to be finished by 6 pm on Wednesday so I can enjoy my Wednesday and Thursday evening catch up sessions with two ladies I haven't seen in months. Priorities! On a mildly positive note, I asked my supervisor if he still thought I could defend this year and he seems to think so. That's a relief and additional source of much-needed motivation. Bed. Now.

Expanding scones in my tummy

Oh God, I ate too much and now I need to lie down but I don't have time. I have no idea what to wear and I feel too bloated to feel comfortable in my club clothes. I wish I could wear comfy walking shoes and a pink t-shirt tonight. Why can't I just channel my inner supermodel and puke? Maybe because I know how bad it is for your body. I'm going to dance it off.