Conversation between me and the Manfriend:
Me: Does the fact that I still get excited to see you mean we are still in the honeymoon phase? I wonder if that will wear off eventually. Anyway, yay :)
MF: You’ll be sick of me soon. Don’t worry.
Me: Unlikely. It’s been 7 months and I still smile when I think about you. Sorry, mushy crap over. Must be baby Jesus’s fault! :)
MF: That’s it, blame Jebus. Heathen.
LOL.
Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts
Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Homeowner
I'm back online. It turns out Bell can't provide me with internet service in my new building so I had to switch to Rogers. I finally set up my computer but the place is still a disaster. The living room is full of boxes and there's a lot of work to do. It turns out the work of a homeowner is never done. It's overwhelming and exhausting so I'm going back to bed for a nap. My coworker was supposed to get married today but dodged that bullet and is having a party to celebrate her singleness. It's going to be a long day. There's other stuff going on too. MFV moved here last weekend and I really don't want to see him or talk to him but I can't abandon him now. So much has happened in the last three months that I can't possibly begin to recap it all. It turns out we're totally incompatible as a couple. It's ironic how I can be sexually compatible with someone and not able communicate with him at all. Shades of Grey. Our communication really deteriorated in April and May and we haven't really spoken at all in June. He still thinks he can try but, the truth is, there is another. The other doesn't seem promising at the moment and the whole thing hurts my heart. At least I'm not homeless anymore.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
iPhone
I should have done this ages ago. I love it. I retract all the negative things I ever said about touchscreens. Whatever Apple is doing with the iPhone, they should keep doing it. I still don't find Macs very intuitive but it really is possible to be an iPhone PC girl :)
I hung out with my coworkers this evening and that was awesome too. If you ever get a chance to see a teeny-bopper band called the Calamities, it will be worth your money. The Late Shift is good too. Toronto Fire band Backdraft is good if you're looking for a late 80s Diet Pepsi commercial theme.
Meanwhile, MFV aced the San Fran interview and Toronto is tomorrow. Seattle is on Monday. Must spend weekend thinking of incentives for him to move here. Suggestions? NC-17 ideas only please...
I hung out with my coworkers this evening and that was awesome too. If you ever get a chance to see a teeny-bopper band called the Calamities, it will be worth your money. The Late Shift is good too. Toronto Fire band Backdraft is good if you're looking for a late 80s Diet Pepsi commercial theme.
Meanwhile, MFV aced the San Fran interview and Toronto is tomorrow. Seattle is on Monday. Must spend weekend thinking of incentives for him to move here. Suggestions? NC-17 ideas only please...
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Setback
I fired my realtor today. At least, I didn't *fire* him. I lied about my reasons for not seeing more places for the next couple of weeks. He has slipped a few times already and we have only been working together for 10 days. I don't intend to continue working with him. It's sorta like dating, I guess. I just want it to be over but I don't have the balls for the unpleasant honesty.
So there's a week gone in the quest to be not homeless. It feels like a setback but that's because I'm impatient and unhappy, unsettled and frustrated and lonely. I miss my shoes. And my bed. My pillow and sheets and kitchen utensils and did I already mention my shoes?
It's not really a setback though. I learned quite a few things. But I realize that I am officially a high-maintenance first-time home buyer. And I'm completely overwhelmed at the thought of doing this all on my own. MFV says I can talk to him but I can't. He's too busy at work to email me back and it's too late in the evening for us to have a reasonable conversation by the time he's home and has had dinner. I am tired and sad. I want him to move here so we can be together but I'm too scared to hope for that.
Fortunately work is an escape, though not having enough to do makes the time pass slowly. I think I have enough to do tomorrow that it should go by faster. And I think I'm going to get a new phone. I'm going to try out the iPhone for two weeks and if I can't handle the touch screen, the store manager will let me switch to the Blackberry. Many people tell me that I will never leave the iPhone once I get used to it. So I guess I have a date with my new iPhone tomorrow night. That, at least, feels like progress. I do need a new phone and, considering how much I am paying for just minutes now, I might as well get some fun stuff out of it.
So there's a week gone in the quest to be not homeless. It feels like a setback but that's because I'm impatient and unhappy, unsettled and frustrated and lonely. I miss my shoes. And my bed. My pillow and sheets and kitchen utensils and did I already mention my shoes?
It's not really a setback though. I learned quite a few things. But I realize that I am officially a high-maintenance first-time home buyer. And I'm completely overwhelmed at the thought of doing this all on my own. MFV says I can talk to him but I can't. He's too busy at work to email me back and it's too late in the evening for us to have a reasonable conversation by the time he's home and has had dinner. I am tired and sad. I want him to move here so we can be together but I'm too scared to hope for that.
Fortunately work is an escape, though not having enough to do makes the time pass slowly. I think I have enough to do tomorrow that it should go by faster. And I think I'm going to get a new phone. I'm going to try out the iPhone for two weeks and if I can't handle the touch screen, the store manager will let me switch to the Blackberry. Many people tell me that I will never leave the iPhone once I get used to it. So I guess I have a date with my new iPhone tomorrow night. That, at least, feels like progress. I do need a new phone and, considering how much I am paying for just minutes now, I might as well get some fun stuff out of it.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Relationships
Relationships are strange things. I work hard and play hard and expect to savour the rewards of my efforts. But relationships don't work that way. It doesn't matter how hard you bust your ass. If you're with someone who is not also busting their ass.. well, then you're just a fool. You're also a fool if you date douchebags and think they're interesting and entertaining. I suppose I had to turn 30 to learn that lesson!
Anyway, I realize that my previous post made it seem as though I'm lonely in Vancouver but I really couldn't be happier. Yesterday, I spent a lovely, sunshiney afternoon on Granville Island. I met MFV for lunch, read a book on the dock, got a pistachio ice cream cone, shopped, met MFV for coffee and eventually wondered home for a late afternoon nap. Then I met one of my favourite girlfriends for dinner in Yaletown and she filled up my soul and left it overflowing for the next person. It was a really good day. It has been a really good few weeks. I needed the break. I needed to rest. I needed to reconnect with myself. I needed to enjoy myself. I have done all those things. This has maybe been the best few weeks of my post-grad student life.
The thing is, when you start a new relationship with your bestest friend in the whole world and you also happen to be living with that person, the slightest bit of distance or withdrawal doesn't go unnoticed. But because you're living with this person, even though you might be second-guessing everything he says, you can't deal with it the same way you normally would. You can't play hard to get or give him his space or wait for him to come to you. You have to continue with the things you have started doing every day. Like washing his cereal bowl and coffee mug. And doing the laundry and buying groceries for dinner and planning your weekend getaway. And spooning with him as he falls asleep. I'm not suggesting for a minute that I would rather be in the other situation - the one where I could retreat to my cave and wait for him to come get me - after all that has not worked out so well in the past for me! But it does present a slightly different challenge. Ah, the male ego...
I am still trying to figure out this little problem. How to be a gentle, caring, loving partner without smothering the poor guy. How to still be the fun BFF and not morph into my usual relationship neuroses monster. How to be okay with having sex even when I'm not feeling 100% connected and dealing with those feelings with the minimum of drama. It's tough. I haven't been in a real relationship for many years. Maybe I never was. I never really experienced any sort of emotional intimacy with X, even though he was my best friend. I have had plenty of physical intimacy in the last couple of years, thank you Grey. But we never connected on an emotional level, in fact very much the opposite with him pushing me away whenever I would start to get close.
This is different. Better. Much, much better. But strange new territory for me. He got mad at me the other night. It was a stupid, trivial argument. And while we have moved on, we haven't really dealt with it. I'm not sure what the issue is. Probably that I am a giant, raving, condescending beyotch. I should fix that.
However, it could also be temporary. If he doesn't find work in Toronto, we may never be together again after next weekend. I intend to make the most of the week we have left. He is my BFF after all.
Anyway, I realize that my previous post made it seem as though I'm lonely in Vancouver but I really couldn't be happier. Yesterday, I spent a lovely, sunshiney afternoon on Granville Island. I met MFV for lunch, read a book on the dock, got a pistachio ice cream cone, shopped, met MFV for coffee and eventually wondered home for a late afternoon nap. Then I met one of my favourite girlfriends for dinner in Yaletown and she filled up my soul and left it overflowing for the next person. It was a really good day. It has been a really good few weeks. I needed the break. I needed to rest. I needed to reconnect with myself. I needed to enjoy myself. I have done all those things. This has maybe been the best few weeks of my post-grad student life.
The thing is, when you start a new relationship with your bestest friend in the whole world and you also happen to be living with that person, the slightest bit of distance or withdrawal doesn't go unnoticed. But because you're living with this person, even though you might be second-guessing everything he says, you can't deal with it the same way you normally would. You can't play hard to get or give him his space or wait for him to come to you. You have to continue with the things you have started doing every day. Like washing his cereal bowl and coffee mug. And doing the laundry and buying groceries for dinner and planning your weekend getaway. And spooning with him as he falls asleep. I'm not suggesting for a minute that I would rather be in the other situation - the one where I could retreat to my cave and wait for him to come get me - after all that has not worked out so well in the past for me! But it does present a slightly different challenge. Ah, the male ego...
I am still trying to figure out this little problem. How to be a gentle, caring, loving partner without smothering the poor guy. How to still be the fun BFF and not morph into my usual relationship neuroses monster. How to be okay with having sex even when I'm not feeling 100% connected and dealing with those feelings with the minimum of drama. It's tough. I haven't been in a real relationship for many years. Maybe I never was. I never really experienced any sort of emotional intimacy with X, even though he was my best friend. I have had plenty of physical intimacy in the last couple of years, thank you Grey. But we never connected on an emotional level, in fact very much the opposite with him pushing me away whenever I would start to get close.
This is different. Better. Much, much better. But strange new territory for me. He got mad at me the other night. It was a stupid, trivial argument. And while we have moved on, we haven't really dealt with it. I'm not sure what the issue is. Probably that I am a giant, raving, condescending beyotch. I should fix that.
However, it could also be temporary. If he doesn't find work in Toronto, we may never be together again after next weekend. I intend to make the most of the week we have left. He is my BFF after all.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Lonely
I'm homesick. My Twitter/facebook update would go something like this if I wasn't afraid of sounding too vulnerable in front of the whole world:
Missing the sound of the furnace kicking on, the water sloshing around in my pillow, the feel of my bamboo sheets against my legs, the zen view from the couch, the hum of the fridge, my bedside water carafe, blue LEDs in my computer, the knowledge that I can walk around in the dark with minimal risk of bodily injury... Which is not to say that I am unhappy. Just feeling alone in the Universe and disconnected from the things which normally comfort me.
But actually, I am unhappy. I bought two pairs of shoes today which almost makes up for this disconnected, discombobulated feeling. Almost. Something isn't right in the world. I know what it is. It's the reason I spent the latter part of this evening watching the hockey game with a glass of sauvignon blanc and my shopping bags in a bar on Davie Street. I don't know how to fix it though. These things are apparently quite beyond me. What I want most is to bolt. I'm really good at running away. But what if I run away and never come back?
Missing the sound of the furnace kicking on, the water sloshing around in my pillow, the feel of my bamboo sheets against my legs, the zen view from the couch, the hum of the fridge, my bedside water carafe, blue LEDs in my computer, the knowledge that I can walk around in the dark with minimal risk of bodily injury... Which is not to say that I am unhappy. Just feeling alone in the Universe and disconnected from the things which normally comfort me.
But actually, I am unhappy. I bought two pairs of shoes today which almost makes up for this disconnected, discombobulated feeling. Almost. Something isn't right in the world. I know what it is. It's the reason I spent the latter part of this evening watching the hockey game with a glass of sauvignon blanc and my shopping bags in a bar on Davie Street. I don't know how to fix it though. These things are apparently quite beyond me. What I want most is to bolt. I'm really good at running away. But what if I run away and never come back?
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Not *that*
I was just reading Rain's blog entry and the timing is perfect. (Thank you!)
I'm having dinner tonight with Jesus, ostensibly to talk about our crappy communication and to try and maintain a friendship. I'm not sure why I agreed to this because the chemistry is gone and I don't think I enjoy talking to him anymore. Maybe I was starting to wonder if I was being too picky. Starting to wonder if my expectations are too high because MFV always knows how to make me laugh and can read my mood accurately which counts for a lot, even when he doesn't know exactly how make it better.
I was starting to think that I should just suck it up and spend time with Jesus but flip-flopping daily (hourly, even) between wanting to see him and feeling obligated to MFV to not be with anyone else until he and I can see where things go when I move to BC. (My God, this is a horribly written entry but I'm just letting my brain out through my fingertips).
I was starting to think that my hopes are too high, that I can't have a man who is nice and who also makes my head explode when he kisses me. Now I realize I am not wrong to not settle for this guy. Or any guy.
I have been alone long enough that I am not going to settle for someone condescending and immature, just because he looks good in glasses. If you scroll down to Leah's comment, it was the combination of "leap" and curling toes which finally made me realize this. Her comment made my toes curl just reading it. I want *that*. Well, I guess I want *that* back, and if I can't have *that*, then I don't want something which is clearly not *that*.
I'm having dinner tonight with Jesus, ostensibly to talk about our crappy communication and to try and maintain a friendship. I'm not sure why I agreed to this because the chemistry is gone and I don't think I enjoy talking to him anymore. Maybe I was starting to wonder if I was being too picky. Starting to wonder if my expectations are too high because MFV always knows how to make me laugh and can read my mood accurately which counts for a lot, even when he doesn't know exactly how make it better.
I was starting to think that I should just suck it up and spend time with Jesus but flip-flopping daily (hourly, even) between wanting to see him and feeling obligated to MFV to not be with anyone else until he and I can see where things go when I move to BC. (My God, this is a horribly written entry but I'm just letting my brain out through my fingertips).
I was starting to think that my hopes are too high, that I can't have a man who is nice and who also makes my head explode when he kisses me. Now I realize I am not wrong to not settle for this guy. Or any guy.
I have been alone long enough that I am not going to settle for someone condescending and immature, just because he looks good in glasses. If you scroll down to Leah's comment, it was the combination of "leap" and curling toes which finally made me realize this. Her comment made my toes curl just reading it. I want *that*. Well, I guess I want *that* back, and if I can't have *that*, then I don't want something which is clearly not *that*.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
New Years Resolution
This year I have decided to be more circumspect with my verbal communication. I intend to finish my sentences and choose my words more precisely. This means slowing down (take a page from the Barack Obama interview guide!) and being more mindful of the words coming out of my brain and into the world via my mouth... which sometimes has a tendency to lag behind my thoughts to the detriment of everyone around me.
Also, I will be turning 40 in 8 years and I am going to create a list of 8 Things to Do Before I Turn 40. I haven't thought of everything yet but I figure I don't have to decide today. Here is the beginning of my list:
1. Perform on stage. This will likely be either dance or acting. The thought freaks me out but I'll get there eventually.
2. Learn a language... and then use it in that country. I'm thinking Italian at the moment.
3. Discipline and love another creature. I'm thinking puppy but I suppose I might accidentally get pregnant and have a little MiniMsB.
4. See my photo on a wall. Not my own wall.
5. Live in another country. I have my sights set on Melbourne, Australia in 2011.
...
Got any New Year's Resolutions you would like to share?
Also, I will be turning 40 in 8 years and I am going to create a list of 8 Things to Do Before I Turn 40. I haven't thought of everything yet but I figure I don't have to decide today. Here is the beginning of my list:
1. Perform on stage. This will likely be either dance or acting. The thought freaks me out but I'll get there eventually.
2. Learn a language... and then use it in that country. I'm thinking Italian at the moment.
3. Discipline and love another creature. I'm thinking puppy but I suppose I might accidentally get pregnant and have a little MiniMsB.
4. See my photo on a wall. Not my own wall.
5. Live in another country. I have my sights set on Melbourne, Australia in 2011.
...
Got any New Year's Resolutions you would like to share?
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Tea and ladies
Why don't men call when they say they're going to call? What is up with that? I hate it and I probably will never understand it. It frustrates me and I feel unloved, insignificant and neglected. Thank God for girlfriends and afternoon tea and tiny scones with devon cream and tea in teapots with teacups and saucers and strainers and all the dainty things that make me happy. Also, I am looking forward to copious amounts of alcohol tonight. (By copious, I mean two drinks).
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Screw him
I emailed Grey to let him know that I was no longer comfortable with us going to Cirque on Sunday now that he's officially in a relationship with someone. I explained and tried to be gentle about it. His response from Vegas? "Whatever... overthink away. Have fun with ur Mom". So I told him he could go screw himself. It felt pretty good. I'll probably regret it in the morning. Or in a couple of minutes when he drunkenly replies. Or maybe I won't give a shit. Because that's how I feel right now. He's a fucking moron. Oh there's his response now...
Fucking guy always makes me fucking cry. I want so badly to hate him. Kill me now.
Fucking guy always makes me fucking cry. I want so badly to hate him. Kill me now.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Redacted
Some of you may have an entry in your reader which does not appear on my blog. I chose to delete it. I talked to MFV online today. He sent me an email which helped me understand that I was being completely neurotic and overthinking his response. So I think I will refrain from posting about him and our relationship for the next little while. There are plenty of other things I can gripe about.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Ohhhhhh
The new guy and I went out for lunch today. Just the two of us. It was fun. I like him. Yes, yes, red flags danger klaxon sirens! I am stupid. Apparently advanced degrees in science/engineering/management do not qualify you (or just me) to know when a boy likes me. All day I was thinking he was just being friendly. Not so much as of right now. Here is our fb conversation:
New guy 29 September at 13:36
I see you're very pride of your [grad school] connection, LOL!
I think it is funny that you're 12 feet away from me and I am e-mailing you.
Me 29 September at 17:36
You're so silly. You'll have to tell me what you can see now that I have replied to your message. I don't usually fb at work but I can read messages when I get the email notification. See you tomorrow :)
New guy 29 September at 18:02
I can't see anything. If you don't add me, we're in a fight.
Me 29 September at 23:24
Lol you're so full of it Mr Politician! I know that some of my photo albums are publicly available. Anyway, I can totally take you...
New guy 29 September at 23:33
Listen smart ass, NONE of your albums are available. And now we ARE in a fight....you better add me!
Me 29 September at 23:43
Hmm, maybe they're restricted for luddites. Since we are in a fight, I look forward to kicking your ass tomorrow morning. Right after my pumpkin spice latte. I have a mean left hook! Good night [new guy].
New guy 29 September at 23:44 Report
I am going to buy two lattes, one to drink and one to throw on you.
Me 29 September at 23:50
That is a terrible waste of a good latte! Shocking. I'm glad we're not fb friends :p
New guy 29 September at 23:51 Report
I can't believe you won't add me...and after all these weeks of me flirting with you you diss me this hard!
Me 30 September at 00:03
Flirting?! I thought you were just recruiting me to assist you with your plan for world domination. Anyway, didn't I just meet you like last week? I don't let people in just like that, you know. You'll have to work harder. I'm really going to bed now. Pjs on and book in hand.
Here are my photos. Mini-truce?
New guy 29 September at 13:36
I see you're very pride of your [grad school] connection, LOL!
I think it is funny that you're 12 feet away from me and I am e-mailing you.
Me 29 September at 17:36
You're so silly. You'll have to tell me what you can see now that I have replied to your message. I don't usually fb at work but I can read messages when I get the email notification. See you tomorrow :)
New guy 29 September at 18:02
I can't see anything. If you don't add me, we're in a fight.
Me 29 September at 23:24
Lol you're so full of it Mr Politician! I know that some of my photo albums are publicly available. Anyway, I can totally take you...
New guy 29 September at 23:33
Listen smart ass, NONE of your albums are available. And now we ARE in a fight....you better add me!
Me 29 September at 23:43
Hmm, maybe they're restricted for luddites. Since we are in a fight, I look forward to kicking your ass tomorrow morning. Right after my pumpkin spice latte. I have a mean left hook! Good night [new guy].
New guy 29 September at 23:44 Report
I am going to buy two lattes, one to drink and one to throw on you.
Me 29 September at 23:50
That is a terrible waste of a good latte! Shocking. I'm glad we're not fb friends :p
New guy 29 September at 23:51 Report
I can't believe you won't add me...and after all these weeks of me flirting with you you diss me this hard!
Me 30 September at 00:03
Flirting?! I thought you were just recruiting me to assist you with your plan for world domination. Anyway, didn't I just meet you like last week? I don't let people in just like that, you know. You'll have to work harder. I'm really going to bed now. Pjs on and book in hand.
Here are my photos. Mini-truce?
Thursday, September 3, 2009
I need some advice
I had dinner with Pink Dress today and her car died when she arrived at my place. She phoned her mechanic and invited him to dinner with us. This is the same guy that called me chubby and blonde last October.
I thought I could pretend to be fine for a couple of hours but I don't think I can ever spend time with both of them together again. I'm still really hurt by what he said and he set me back light years with those comments. I know that he means nothing to me and I should just discard his opinion but I just can't get his words out of my head. I was so self-conscious of everything I ate at dinner tonight that I couldn't finish my meal.
I'm not sure if I should tell Pink Dress that I don't ever want to see him again or just forget it. The worst part is that she seems to think that he has a thing for me and there is no way in hell that I can purposely spend time with someone whose mere presence reinforces my neuroses about my low self-esteem and weight and food issues. Am I being insane?
Update: Grey, our mutual friend and MFV all told me I should tell her so I just sent her this email.
Okay, I don't know how to say this so I'm just going to come right out with it.
I know the mechanic is your good friend but I can't hang out with him again. When you said you had invited him to dinner, I thought I would be fine with it but it turns out I'm still not over him calling me chubby and blonde last October. I realize these are my neuroses and he probably had no idea that he would touch on such a sensitive issue. I'm sorry, I know he's good to you. But I really have to assert myself on this one. I was really uncomfortable last night and that makes me unhappy because I was looking forward to catching up with you. Do-over on Saturday?
I thought I could pretend to be fine for a couple of hours but I don't think I can ever spend time with both of them together again. I'm still really hurt by what he said and he set me back light years with those comments. I know that he means nothing to me and I should just discard his opinion but I just can't get his words out of my head. I was so self-conscious of everything I ate at dinner tonight that I couldn't finish my meal.
I'm not sure if I should tell Pink Dress that I don't ever want to see him again or just forget it. The worst part is that she seems to think that he has a thing for me and there is no way in hell that I can purposely spend time with someone whose mere presence reinforces my neuroses about my low self-esteem and weight and food issues. Am I being insane?
Update: Grey, our mutual friend and MFV all told me I should tell her so I just sent her this email.
Okay, I don't know how to say this so I'm just going to come right out with it.
I know the mechanic is your good friend but I can't hang out with him again. When you said you had invited him to dinner, I thought I would be fine with it but it turns out I'm still not over him calling me chubby and blonde last October. I realize these are my neuroses and he probably had no idea that he would touch on such a sensitive issue. I'm sorry, I know he's good to you. But I really have to assert myself on this one. I was really uncomfortable last night and that makes me unhappy because I was looking forward to catching up with you. Do-over on Saturday?
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Grey is strange
I had dinner yesterday in Maple with Grey, his former admin assistant who is on mat leave, her husband and their two kids in their giant house with 4 bedrooms. She is a ducking phenomenal cook so it was totally worth it. Hamburgers from scratch to die for, mashed potatoes with sweet potatoes and his mother makes dried sausages from scratch as well. Nothing I ate last night was not excellent.
And it was so cute and cozy and domestic with the kids. I helped their 4-year old daughter, play with her Playdough which was totally fun once she warmed up to me. And their 3 month old... well, who doesn't love 3 month old babies with BIG.BLUE.EYES who giggle at you?
So, we're sitting around and Grey is saying how adorable they are and how they have this beautiful house and stuff. Then he says, "I want one". So I say, "what? a huge house?" And he says, "no, a kid". So I said, "well don't look at me!" Everyone laughed and Martha said that she keeps telling Grey he should just marry me. I almost ran out of the house screaming. Could you imagine? Me and Grey trapped in a huge house in Maple with kids. Holy mother of God. It's a good thing I was two glasses of red wine in by then.
Anyway, we left at 11 because he supposedly had another date. Which he told me about before he invited me to dinner with them so that was fine. Martha rolled her eyes at him when he said it before we left and asked me why I put up with his crap. That may be one of the great mysteries of the Universe. Like subatomic particles and the dimensions of time.
But this is when it started to get weird. He held my hand in the car. He hates holding my hand unless we're sleeping. There was one time I tried to hold his hand in public and he yelled at me. Weirdo nutjob. And then, when I got out of the car and said, "so call me if she doesn't put out" (I was trying to be funny and it worked), he said, "well don't go thinking now that if I don't call you I'm having sex with someone else". Weird right? Why would he tell me he is going to meet someone else and then worry about what I think he's doing? It makes no sense to me.
Boys are strange.
And it was so cute and cozy and domestic with the kids. I helped their 4-year old daughter, play with her Playdough which was totally fun once she warmed up to me. And their 3 month old... well, who doesn't love 3 month old babies with BIG.BLUE.EYES who giggle at you?
So, we're sitting around and Grey is saying how adorable they are and how they have this beautiful house and stuff. Then he says, "I want one". So I say, "what? a huge house?" And he says, "no, a kid". So I said, "well don't look at me!" Everyone laughed and Martha said that she keeps telling Grey he should just marry me. I almost ran out of the house screaming. Could you imagine? Me and Grey trapped in a huge house in Maple with kids. Holy mother of God. It's a good thing I was two glasses of red wine in by then.
Anyway, we left at 11 because he supposedly had another date. Which he told me about before he invited me to dinner with them so that was fine. Martha rolled her eyes at him when he said it before we left and asked me why I put up with his crap. That may be one of the great mysteries of the Universe. Like subatomic particles and the dimensions of time.
But this is when it started to get weird. He held my hand in the car. He hates holding my hand unless we're sleeping. There was one time I tried to hold his hand in public and he yelled at me. Weirdo nutjob. And then, when I got out of the car and said, "so call me if she doesn't put out" (I was trying to be funny and it worked), he said, "well don't go thinking now that if I don't call you I'm having sex with someone else". Weird right? Why would he tell me he is going to meet someone else and then worry about what I think he's doing? It makes no sense to me.
Boys are strange.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Douchebag redux
He called tonight, after sending 8 nonsensical drunk texts, and wants to date me again.
For those of you not keeping up or new to the blog, look for any posts since May with the word "disaster" in it.
I don't know how many times I have to say no to this guy. The thing is, I know that he only wants to hit it because I keep saying no to him. The second I let him back in, he'll be gone again. I'm not one of those women who is naive enough to believe that men change.
We talked for an hour. Because we have an important meeting at work on Wednesday and I need for everything to be fine. It took a lot of time away from my thesising and I didn't want him to know how much his text message hurt me. But I did end up telling him that I was angry about his decision that I wasn't good enough for a relationship but that he'd be happy to do me anytime.
Fucking guys. Always know how to make me feel like I'm less than nothing. Good thing I'm seeing Grey tomorrow night. He'll remind me that I am actually worthless.
For those of you not keeping up or new to the blog, look for any posts since May with the word "disaster" in it.
I don't know how many times I have to say no to this guy. The thing is, I know that he only wants to hit it because I keep saying no to him. The second I let him back in, he'll be gone again. I'm not one of those women who is naive enough to believe that men change.
We talked for an hour. Because we have an important meeting at work on Wednesday and I need for everything to be fine. It took a lot of time away from my thesising and I didn't want him to know how much his text message hurt me. But I did end up telling him that I was angry about his decision that I wasn't good enough for a relationship but that he'd be happy to do me anytime.
Fucking guys. Always know how to make me feel like I'm less than nothing. Good thing I'm seeing Grey tomorrow night. He'll remind me that I am actually worthless.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Tired puppy
I am one tired puppy! The dog seems pretty tired too. I took him to the off-leash area in Allen Gardens today because he clearly did not get enough exercise yesterday and it's fenced so I felt more comfortable
pee break
Okay the puppy didn't really want to pee. He was just asking for some attention. I get that.
Anyway, I felt more comfortable in the fenced off-leash area at Allen Gardens compared to the off-leash area in his usual park. He got to run around and play with other dogs. I was hoping he would be more tired than he currently is but maybe he's just naturally spazzy. I'm exhausted and would love to go to bed now but I need to let him out again tonight so that I can hopefully sleep in a bit longer tomorrow morning. I think I woke up at 5 am and couldn't go back to sleep.
It was a long and somewhat ridiculous day. D for Disaster coworker guy sent me a kind of douche bag email last Friday. The subject line was "not for internal affairs..." and his email said "are you doing tonight? if you are not interested in going on a date..then maybe we could pivot for each other – divide and conquer."
I want to be friends, or at least have a good relationship, with this guy because we have to work together so closely but he is making it difficult to be professional around him. If I am being honest with myself, I do miss hanging out with him and talking to him a little bit. Anyway, I extended an olive branch and invited him out to walk the dog. He suggested dinner but I ignored that part of his email. Anyway, we texted back and forth a bit and he said he was working late but would come to the park when he was done but I didn't hear from him. So I texted him at 8 pm and said that we were back home and maybe some other night. He was still at work and ended up calling me and we had a conversation about his original douchebag text message.
He apologized for not saying those things to me in person, or at least over the phone and said that he still has mixed feelings towards me. That sometimes he misses me but he doesn't want me to have to deal with those feelings. I told him that, as far as I am concerned, he made his decision and there's nothing further to discuss because I don't want to spend time with someone if he knows it isn't going anywhere. Let's face it, I don't need another Grey in my life. But I said that I would like for us to be friends and that I would be with the dog all week so we could get together some other evening after work. We'll see what happens.
The dog is lying on the couch and looks like he is passed out. It's about time!
pee break
Okay the puppy didn't really want to pee. He was just asking for some attention. I get that.
Anyway, I felt more comfortable in the fenced off-leash area at Allen Gardens compared to the off-leash area in his usual park. He got to run around and play with other dogs. I was hoping he would be more tired than he currently is but maybe he's just naturally spazzy. I'm exhausted and would love to go to bed now but I need to let him out again tonight so that I can hopefully sleep in a bit longer tomorrow morning. I think I woke up at 5 am and couldn't go back to sleep.
It was a long and somewhat ridiculous day. D for Disaster coworker guy sent me a kind of douche bag email last Friday. The subject line was "not for internal affairs..." and his email said "are you doing tonight? if you are not interested in going on a date..then maybe we could pivot for each other – divide and conquer."
I want to be friends, or at least have a good relationship, with this guy because we have to work together so closely but he is making it difficult to be professional around him. If I am being honest with myself, I do miss hanging out with him and talking to him a little bit. Anyway, I extended an olive branch and invited him out to walk the dog. He suggested dinner but I ignored that part of his email. Anyway, we texted back and forth a bit and he said he was working late but would come to the park when he was done but I didn't hear from him. So I texted him at 8 pm and said that we were back home and maybe some other night. He was still at work and ended up calling me and we had a conversation about his original douchebag text message.
He apologized for not saying those things to me in person, or at least over the phone and said that he still has mixed feelings towards me. That sometimes he misses me but he doesn't want me to have to deal with those feelings. I told him that, as far as I am concerned, he made his decision and there's nothing further to discuss because I don't want to spend time with someone if he knows it isn't going anywhere. Let's face it, I don't need another Grey in my life. But I said that I would like for us to be friends and that I would be with the dog all week so we could get together some other evening after work. We'll see what happens.
The dog is lying on the couch and looks like he is passed out. It's about time!
Monday, June 8, 2009
Fu&ktard #2 (dozen)
Holy mother of God.
D texted me this morning but I left my phone at home today and didn't get the message until just now. Here is a synopsis of the shortest text conversation I have ever had:
D: Hey how's it going? Do anything cool on the weekend? I am going to call you tonight after [the kid] is in bed if its okay.
Me: Sorry forgot the phone at home today and only just got in. Don't feel obligated to call and talk. I'm pretty sure i know which direction the wind is blowing your sails.
D: If you mean that I sense we aren't compatible for long term, but that I would like to continue having fun with you on a casual basis. Then yes, you know my winds. If you not cool with that, I want to continue professionally with you wothout [sic] missing a beat
Fucking guy. Sure knows how to make a woman feel like a piece of meat. Jerk.
D texted me this morning but I left my phone at home today and didn't get the message until just now. Here is a synopsis of the shortest text conversation I have ever had:
D: Hey how's it going? Do anything cool on the weekend? I am going to call you tonight after [the kid] is in bed if its okay.
Me: Sorry forgot the phone at home today and only just got in. Don't feel obligated to call and talk. I'm pretty sure i know which direction the wind is blowing your sails.
D: If you mean that I sense we aren't compatible for long term, but that I would like to continue having fun with you on a casual basis. Then yes, you know my winds. If you not cool with that, I want to continue professionally with you wothout [sic] missing a beat
Fucking guy. Sure knows how to make a woman feel like a piece of meat. Jerk.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Long conversation
We had a long chat on the phone tonight. He assumed I was breaking up with him. Man, this guy is needy. But that's okay, I think. For now. It turns out he's just a bit slow. He has been so sure that he is "serious" about me, about how much he likes me, that he just assumed I knew how he felt. So he figured he didn't have to call this weekend. And didn't have to make plans with me this week. Or even let me know that he would be free this week and would like to make plans. He just assumed I would know. Somehow. Gah.
Anyway, I think that I communicated clearly to him that he has to phone at least once in the space of 48 hours just to let me know that he's thinking of me because I won't just instinctively know that. Also, if he knows which nights he won't have his son, he has to let me know ahead of time and not just assume I will be free to hang out. Because chances are good that I won't be. Today, I made plans for Tuesday night and Wednesday night because I couldn't bear the thought of eating alone all week and all weekend (bachelor party). It turns out he's free Tuesday through Thursday night but only thought to tell me that at 10 pm. Boys are dumb. But we have tentative plans for both nights. Subject to my schedule, not his. Improvement.
Anyway, I think that I communicated clearly to him that he has to phone at least once in the space of 48 hours just to let me know that he's thinking of me because I won't just instinctively know that. Also, if he knows which nights he won't have his son, he has to let me know ahead of time and not just assume I will be free to hang out. Because chances are good that I won't be. Today, I made plans for Tuesday night and Wednesday night because I couldn't bear the thought of eating alone all week and all weekend (bachelor party). It turns out he's free Tuesday through Thursday night but only thought to tell me that at 10 pm. Boys are dumb. But we have tentative plans for both nights. Subject to my schedule, not his. Improvement.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Big kids
Tonight was better. He met me after yoga (I went to yoga, not him) for sushi at Crispy Roll on Queen Street. I set him straight about screwing with me at work. Ooh, that came out wrong. I made it known that I don't want him joking around about us dating at the office. Even if he thinks nobody else can hear. I have enough trouble getting people to take me seriously without office gossip. I think he understands that he cannot screw this up because I won't take it lightly if he ruins my professional relationships with other people on the project. He's a big goofy kid but I think it might be good for me to be less anal-retentive uptight control freak bitch all the time. He was saying how he is the responsible parent and that actually makes me feel better. Somehow.
After dinner we went back to his place to make oatmeal fudge bars. The guy does not have mixing bowls or wine glasses but he has grown up cereal bowls. His mother made him get them. I don't have grown up bowls or dishes or glasses or cups. My dishes are Corelle from Smeller's (I think that's KMart for you Americans), cups are a mish mash of gifts over the years and, instead of glasses, I have those crazy multi-coloured IKEA cups. I guess he's not the only big kid.
Anyway, while the oatmeal fudge bars were cooling, we lay on the couch and talked about stuff. It was nice. And comforting. I am starting to understand him and I think he is sincere in his overwhelmingness. I will just have to be careful for the both of us and make sure we don't rush into anything crazy.
After dinner we went back to his place to make oatmeal fudge bars. The guy does not have mixing bowls or wine glasses but he has grown up cereal bowls. His mother made him get them. I don't have grown up bowls or dishes or glasses or cups. My dishes are Corelle from Smeller's (I think that's KMart for you Americans), cups are a mish mash of gifts over the years and, instead of glasses, I have those crazy multi-coloured IKEA cups. I guess he's not the only big kid.
Anyway, while the oatmeal fudge bars were cooling, we lay on the couch and talked about stuff. It was nice. And comforting. I am starting to understand him and I think he is sincere in his overwhelmingness. I will just have to be careful for the both of us and make sure we don't rush into anything crazy.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Thesis? What thesis?!
And there go another two hours...
Crap. I really need to write my introduction. Crap crap crap. All I can think about is our mega date on Saturday. I requested that we go to Casa Loma but he's doing all the planning. I'm super excited. Not even because of where he might be taking me but I really do just want to hang out with him and talk to him and see him. I actually missed him today. Argh.
Oh yeah, there's yet another red flag. We were on the topic of red flags and he decided he should put this one on the table. I didn't ask if there were more. His son is special needs. Perhaps somewhat surprisingly, that doesn't bother me at all. I'm more concerned about what happens if we don't like each other.
Crap. I really need to write my introduction. Crap crap crap. All I can think about is our mega date on Saturday. I requested that we go to Casa Loma but he's doing all the planning. I'm super excited. Not even because of where he might be taking me but I really do just want to hang out with him and talk to him and see him. I actually missed him today. Argh.
Oh yeah, there's yet another red flag. We were on the topic of red flags and he decided he should put this one on the table. I didn't ask if there were more. His son is special needs. Perhaps somewhat surprisingly, that doesn't bother me at all. I'm more concerned about what happens if we don't like each other.
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