Saturday, January 9, 2010

Not *that*

I was just reading Rain's blog entry and the timing is perfect. (Thank you!)

I'm having dinner tonight with Jesus, ostensibly to talk about our crappy communication and to try and maintain a friendship. I'm not sure why I agreed to this because the chemistry is gone and I don't think I enjoy talking to him anymore. Maybe I was starting to wonder if I was being too picky. Starting to wonder if my expectations are too high because MFV always knows how to make me laugh and can read my mood accurately which counts for a lot, even when he doesn't know exactly how make it better.

I was starting to think that I should just suck it up and spend time with Jesus but flip-flopping daily (hourly, even) between wanting to see him and feeling obligated to MFV to not be with anyone else until he and I can see where things go when I move to BC. (My God, this is a horribly written entry but I'm just letting my brain out through my fingertips).

I was starting to think that my hopes are too high, that I can't have a man who is nice and who also makes my head explode when he kisses me. Now I realize I am not wrong to not settle for this guy. Or any guy.

I have been alone long enough that I am not going to settle for someone condescending and immature, just because he looks good in glasses. If you scroll down to Leah's comment, it was the combination of "leap" and curling toes which finally made me realize this. Her comment made my toes curl just reading it. I want *that*. Well, I guess I want *that* back, and if I can't have *that*, then I don't want something which is clearly not *that*.


Awkward, for you said...

Do you want to meet up before you move?

and who is this Jesus guy? I remember you talking about someone who was a great listener is this the same person? I'm lost.

itneverrainsinseattle said...

It's kind of you to mention my post... that post seems to have struck a chord with a few people. Crazy.

Glad the timing worked out.

I must stress that "don't settle" is not the same as "don't compromise." The thing is... Jesus, as you've presented him, doesn't sound like a compromise. He sounds like a... settle.

That said, I don't think you owe MFV any pledges of faithfulness. Even if he didn't mean it, his announcement that you shouldn't get too hung up on him kinda sounds like a red flag to me. I should be advising anyone about listening to their inner red flags.

Anxiety Sobriety said...

Settling just leads to poor sex, quiet dinners and the hope they may be struck down by lightning...though you never say the last one aloud...just blog about it.