Friday, February 26, 2010

Homeless and unemployed

It's Friday morning at the end of a life-changing week. I'm sitting on Jesus' couch watching Olympic coverage. It's 9.30 am and I'm still in my pjs. I'm backing up my laptop in case I have to give it back while I'm in BC. My stuff is in Mr and Mrs Happy's basement - thank God for them - and my car is with Baby's friend which is also a relief. A couple of the grad students helped keep me sane on moving day which was one of the longest days of my life. So I am now officially homeless. I will be unemployed at the end of next week so I guess that makes me a hobo. I have decided to stay in Vancouver indefinitely until I make a decision about work. I figure it makes more sense to be there where it's warm and I can at least get outside during the day. I'll be staying with MFV and we will hopefully not want to kill each other after a few days. If I decide to come back to Toronto, I will have nowhere to live so I'm not anxious to return until I have to. I am hoping to see King Tut before I leave so I should get moving with my morning. Next time I write will probably be the other side of our road trip to Oregon.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I'm not moving

Which is not to say I won't be homeless. I still have to be out of my apartment on Friday but now I don't know where I'm going. I am completely exhausted and overwhelmed and emotional and fighting off tears. The last few days have been an emotional roller coaster and it appears the ride is not over yet.

The short version is that I might be staying in Toronto. The new place is working on an offer but it won't be ready for a couple of weeks, maybe three. However, my new group manager in Vancouver is okay with that. I was completely floored and impressed at his reaction. He was totally supportive and said that I definitely would not burn a bridge by pursuing the other opportunity. It was such a generous, totally cool reaction. So now, I have some time to make a decision. I just hope it is the right one.

However, my movers are still coming tomorrow morning and I'm frantically trying to figure out what to do with my stuff. If the national movers take it, they will charge me $1500 to pack, load and store for 1 month. I hope I can find local movers to put it into storage in my friend's basement for a couple of months. I'm not sure what the penalty will be for not using the national movers. I'm not sure that will actually save me any money. But it seems like $1500 is a lot for 30 days of storage! This is the overwhelming part. But I'm still going to Vancouver on Friday, and to Oregon for the weekend, so it will just have to sort itself out somehow.

I am going to be relieved when I'm finally at the airport. I will probably be a basket case. And I can't wait to see MFV. I really need a hug.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Not crazy

I'm moving to Vancouver on Friday! I'm pretty excited. I will be much happier on Wednesday after the movers leave and I have a lot to do before then. But, for those of you paying attention, they couldn't make me an offer within an acceptable timeframe so it was not to be. I'm glad. And MFV is happy. I'm hoping there's something there. But even if that doesn't work out, I'll be able to finally retire my Lululemon merino wool longjohns. People, there's a snow storm in Toronto tonight. I like to think this is Toronto's way of saying good bye... or just "so long sucker".

Sunday, February 21, 2010

My life in crazy

Remember when I interviewed for this job?

Well, the HR manager phoned on Friday and would like to discuss a permanent position. Now, pardon my francais, but fuck me! Since I last posted on this subject, I gave notice on my apartment (for the end of February), settled my start date in Vancouver (March 15), booked a flight (February 26), booked a trip to Oregon (via Seattle) for 4 days next weekend with MFV, started packing up and selling furniture and have had about a bajillion going away parties. The movers are coming on Wednesday to pick up my crap. I will be homeless after that. What do I do? I have spent the weekend feeling anxious and worried about this situation instead of enjoying the fact that I'm free of this office and project forever (except for Tuesday when I have to go in again and hand in my expenses).

Here is some background. When I declined the previous contract offer, I didn't find out details on salary, benefits, vacation etc because I knew I would not be happy in a contract position so it would have been a waste of time to even ask. On Friday, I didn't pick up her message until after 5 pm so I still don't know any of the details and therefore can't make any decisions until I know more. I have spent the weekend continuing to pack and purge and clean and sort in anticipation of a move to the west coast. I will call her first thing tomorrow morning to find out if we can meet and discuss details. In order for me to even entertain the idea of not moving to BC, she will have to put a written offer in front of me by the end of the day Monday. At the very latest, it will have to be Tuesday morning so that I can make a decision about my movers.

I did speak with someone who used to work in the organization and he told me some interesting recent back story. Apparently some higher up left and they're trying to reshuffle people around and up the food chain. The optics of hiring another person - just going through the whole interview process again - two months after having filled this position isn't good. If I had accepted the contract position, I would have been bumped into the full-time role which is why they're calling me now. Jesus (who works for the government too) says this is a kosher way to do things and is how the process would normally work so any offer they make me would be firm.

The thing is, the person I spoke to told me that he thinks they are looking for someone to take over a particular project. Specifically, this one. Now, when I heard about this project, my first thought was, "this is the one project I would stay in Toronto for". Ironic, no? Anyway, this project apparently has quite the negative reputation because it has virtually stalled and all the stakeholders are very unhappy. It sounds like the very situation I am trying to leave, except I would be working for this organization instead of my current company. But I still want to work on that project.

In addition to the above crazy statement, it's crazy for me to even think about not going to Vancouver at this point. It's almost past the point of no return. It's crazy to think about putting a potential relationship with MFV on hold again, although he has indicated he would be willing to consider moving here instead. It's crazy to think about permanently burning the bridge with the people who are expecting me to start work in three weeks. It's crazy to consider staying in this city which makes me crazy and not move to the City of the 2010 Winter Olympics. All this makes me a crazy person.

What should I do?

Friday, February 19, 2010

Last day

It's my last day. I'm not leaving the company, just the office. I have mixed feelings. I'm sad about leaving my group but can't take much more of the project. I have worked a lot of hours recently and I'm exhausted and there are still team members who bitch and moan in meetings and make me want to kill myself, despite the fact that I know that I'm leaving. I won't miss those people. But I will miss the girls. They're a highly intelligent, very personable bunch of women. Hopefully I don't cry in front of everyone.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy Chinese New Year!

Just say no. Don't be a Schmalentine.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

OPI Bogota blackberry

In response to the request for shoes...

Tuesday, February 9, 2010


I am seriously considering posting an incredibly grainy photo of myself wearing the dress! and the NEW.RED.HIGH.HEELS! for a short period so y'all can see how truly awesome I looked. Of course, this is all relative because you won't know how frumpydumpy I normally look and therefore can't be amazed by all the girly awesomeness. Thoughts?

Sunday, February 7, 2010

My chest

Asshat Disclaimer: This entry is not about my rack.

Rain's blog entry about marriage, divorce and hope chests inspired this entry. Although I have never had any of those things, I did end a 7 year relationship and spent the last 5 years rebuilding myself to be almost entirely self-sufficient.

I think Rain should fill his man chest with the macho-ly equivalent of the stuff in my metaphorical 30-something spinster chest. Here are the key things inside my chest:

  • shoes (LOTS of shoes);
  • jewelry which I purchased myself;
  • books and newspapers and crossword puzzles and a blog to keep me entertained;
  • a digital SLR to capture the memories when mine fades;
  • a latte to keep me company;
  • socks and blankets to keep me warm (until I finally find me a man from whom to steal body heat);
  • a girlfriend who always gets it, or several who get some things most of the time;
  • a friend with a dog;
  • a steady supply of other peoples' newborn babies (so I can give them back when I'm done filling up on that baby smell);
  • a dream (to keep me going);
  • a gym membership (for the days I need enough confidence to pull off a strapless gown);
  • a manicure for a special day;
  • a pedicure for a rainy day;
  • a nap for that same rainy afternoon (can't put shoes on over a pedicure!);
  • Belgian callebaut chocolate for the down days;
  • a home with a great view (instead of a tv); and,
  • a giant pink waterproof vibrator to add a touch of secret comedy and some titillation (courtesy of my best friend and

Some suggestions for Rain's chest:
  • shoes (women always look at your shoes);
  • some sort of man status symbol (big chunky watch? big chunky car? little unchunky girlfriend?);
  • some toys for the kids (Lego?);
  • some toys for the men (Lego?);
  • a hobby to keep you sane;
  • a sport to keep you sweaty;
  • a bottle of Scotch;
  • a friend to share the Scotch;
  • a couch to watch the game;
  • a dog to share the couch;
  • a manicure (and possibly an eyebrow wax);
  • a gym membership (for when you need to prop up ladies who wear strapless gowns);
  • a Maxim magazine (reading for the can);
  • whatever might be the man equivalent of a giant pink waterproof vibrator...

Friday, February 5, 2010

Please, pretend?

Can you at least pretend you'll miss me when I'm gone?

This day went from mildly upsetting to upsetting to really upsetting. I'm glad it's over and I'm home where I'm safe from people who make me cry.


Oh yeha baby, my shoes arrived today! I am so excited. They are ridiculous shoes, much higher than I would normally wear and I wouldn't have bought them - despite their being on sale - if I wasn't already planning to wear them to another event in May.

To be really honest though, I am more excited about the dress I'm going to wear. I have never in my life been excited to wear a stupid old dress. But this dress... well, I love it. I LOVE IT. I am so excited I feel like I'm 7 years old again playing dress up in my mother's closet.

I don't care that I will be solo. Actually, I'm almost looking forward to it. It's going to be a good night

Monday, February 1, 2010


I am still sick. I have learned a few things this time around:

1. Advil Cold & Sinus keeps me awake at night.
2. Nasonex nasal spray (free sample from the doctor's office) is much better. Clears up the passages without the desert-like burning dryness.
2a. Do not apply said nasal spray when driving onto the highway. It is hard to blow your nose and hold a steering wheel at the same time.
3. Always keep a bottle of Dimetapp with codeine handy... preferably one that is not expired.
4. Puffs plus with lotion and Vicks is so much better than regular Puffs plus with lotion! And that's really saying something.
5. My client told me to apply Vicks liberally to my feet and then put on socks. I don't have any Vicks with which to try this but I must remember to lie to him and tell him that it worked.

I hope to feel considerably better tomorrow morning. Must go to bed before codeine kicks in...