Sunday, February 21, 2010

My life in crazy

Remember when I interviewed for this job?

Well, the HR manager phoned on Friday and would like to discuss a permanent position. Now, pardon my francais, but fuck me! Since I last posted on this subject, I gave notice on my apartment (for the end of February), settled my start date in Vancouver (March 15), booked a flight (February 26), booked a trip to Oregon (via Seattle) for 4 days next weekend with MFV, started packing up and selling furniture and have had about a bajillion going away parties. The movers are coming on Wednesday to pick up my crap. I will be homeless after that. What do I do? I have spent the weekend feeling anxious and worried about this situation instead of enjoying the fact that I'm free of this office and project forever (except for Tuesday when I have to go in again and hand in my expenses).

Here is some background. When I declined the previous contract offer, I didn't find out details on salary, benefits, vacation etc because I knew I would not be happy in a contract position so it would have been a waste of time to even ask. On Friday, I didn't pick up her message until after 5 pm so I still don't know any of the details and therefore can't make any decisions until I know more. I have spent the weekend continuing to pack and purge and clean and sort in anticipation of a move to the west coast. I will call her first thing tomorrow morning to find out if we can meet and discuss details. In order for me to even entertain the idea of not moving to BC, she will have to put a written offer in front of me by the end of the day Monday. At the very latest, it will have to be Tuesday morning so that I can make a decision about my movers.

I did speak with someone who used to work in the organization and he told me some interesting recent back story. Apparently some higher up left and they're trying to reshuffle people around and up the food chain. The optics of hiring another person - just going through the whole interview process again - two months after having filled this position isn't good. If I had accepted the contract position, I would have been bumped into the full-time role which is why they're calling me now. Jesus (who works for the government too) says this is a kosher way to do things and is how the process would normally work so any offer they make me would be firm.

The thing is, the person I spoke to told me that he thinks they are looking for someone to take over a particular project. Specifically, this one. Now, when I heard about this project, my first thought was, "this is the one project I would stay in Toronto for". Ironic, no? Anyway, this project apparently has quite the negative reputation because it has virtually stalled and all the stakeholders are very unhappy. It sounds like the very situation I am trying to leave, except I would be working for this organization instead of my current company. But I still want to work on that project.

In addition to the above crazy statement, it's crazy for me to even think about not going to Vancouver at this point. It's almost past the point of no return. It's crazy to think about putting a potential relationship with MFV on hold again, although he has indicated he would be willing to consider moving here instead. It's crazy to think about permanently burning the bridge with the people who are expecting me to start work in three weeks. It's crazy to consider staying in this city which makes me crazy and not move to the City of the 2010 Winter Olympics. All this makes me a crazy person.

What should I do?


G in Berlin said...

You have to make the decisions that are best for you. In my case, I often find that I stay in situations too long through "trying to make it work", or "not giving up", or perhaps fear of great change.

Asshat said...

Listen to what they have to say. Staying may not be so crazy, after all.

Ms Behaviour said...

Thanks Asshat, I thought maybe I was going crazy thinking that staying is not crazy but I think we're right. I would burn about a million bridges but it might still be the right crazy decision. Hopefully I will have a better idea in 24 hours. Deep breath.

Anonymous said...

ahhhhh!!!! this is a very tough but very fortunate situation to be in.

honestly? do whatever is best for YOU! too many times people feel obligations to their work force and they do what's best for the company instead of what's best for themselves. i understand about not wanting to burn any bridges, but come on, the company isn't going to save YOU if something should happen. so you gotta watch out for yourself. make them give you the offer, weigh all your options, flip a quarter and hope for the best : ) (just kidding about the quarter btw......maybe)

Ms Behaviour said...

Hey Erika, thanks for the quarter advice. Do you know what I do with a quarter? I always assign my preferred option to heads. I don't know why, because statistically speaking there's no difference. But I just do. So, in essence, I don't actually have to flip the quarter. And do you know my first instinctive thought when you suggested the quarter? It was, "heads I stay for the new job". So I guess I know what I really want now ;) I just hope the terms are up to my expectations. Because, if they aren't, I'm going to take a risk on MFV. There, I said it out loud. Universe, it's all up to you now.