Monday, August 31, 2009

I drunk

Thursday, bubbles, weed and sex.
Friday, bubbles and fondue and Crown and ginger.
Saturday, red wine.
Sunday, tea.
Monday, sangria, blow job (free, with whipped cream, look ma no hands!), beer.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Couch to 5K - Item 3 on the Shawshank List

I went to the gym today. It's on my bucket list (which is actually more of a Shawshank list) and I decided I needed some motivation so I Googled Couch to 5K and found Carli's website with some running playlists. I downloaded Week 1 and it is really great. It helped me get to the gym, kept me on the treadmill and I was actually disappointed when it was over! I am not exactly new to running but I have neglected the gym for the past two months. I just figured that, if I had enough energy to work out, I should be working on my thesis instead, right? Anyway, it felt good to go back to the gym and the workout was pretty straightforward. I won't say it was easy but it wasn't too challenging and I'm looking forward to going to the gym for the rest of this week.

This is not entirely an altruistic goal. I'm going to Mexico for a week next Sunday and the thought of standing next to 20-something-year old bikini clad bodies is excruciatingly intimidating. Now that I find myself in my 30s, I definitely have better self-esteem and that translates into better body image. I have some problem areas which I never had in my 20s but gravity and stress and age have taken their toll. So I'm working on the abs, the shoulders and triceps and overall cardio this week.

The hard part will be to eat better. I went out for Indian in Yorkville last night and ended up painfully full. I walked home but was still uncomfortable after the chilly evening half-hour walk. Then, this afternoon, I had high tea (again in Yorkville, my credit cards are weeping) and walked home again. I no longer stuff myself at tea because of my egg allergy but I did inhale a lot of cream and scones. God, so yummy. It was a party in my mouth this weekend. (Friday night was bubbles and fondue with the grad students followed by a tiny bit of bar hopping in Little Italy).

The final part of the plan is to run a 5K in November at the end of the 9 week program. Ontario is going to be mighty chilly at that time of year so maybe I should look for a run in Vancouver. Or the Caribbean somewhere :) I haven't fully thought that through yet but I will have a lot more free brain power now that the thesis is done.

Here is the rest of my Shawshank list:

1. Read the paper
2. Make dim sum
3. Go to the gym -- check!
4. Go to the library
5. Go to my favourite restaurant in Little Italy
6. Clean apartment -- check!
7. Purge stuff in "office"
8. Sell microwave
9. Sell U2 tickets
10. Go to the movies (at least two)
11. Start watching Entourage
12. Lie on the grass - it's getting too cold for this :(
13. Look into fall classes (culinary, photography, Italian)
14. Watch documentaries and nap
15. Take new drug plan info to pharmacy (yes, boring but it needs to be done)

Friday, August 28, 2009



God, it is such a good feeling. I am so relieved it's over. And it went surprisingly well. To be honest (because I can do that here), I am really impressed at myself for doing such a good job with the presentation and the questions. It felt as though they went on and on forever but actually it was short at an hour and 15 minutes. I got a lot of compliments on the quality of my work and my thesis document itself. The former chair of the program (who is a silver fox hottie with a wonderful exotic accent) said that he really liked what I had done and was happy. When I left the room for their deliberations, he said to me, "you can relax now". Le sigh. I think I am in love with that man. Anyway, many compliments later, they nominated me for the Governor General's Gold medal award. Nobody from my program has ever won it because it's tough to publish in science but it felt good to even get the nomination and it will look rather nice on my CV :)

Grey was good enough to come pick me up after I had a few celebratory drinks. At one point, just as we were getting into bed, I was lying there thinking, "what if I just dreamed all of this and I have to defend it all over again!" Momentary panic. I imagine I will have more days of waking up and thinking those thoughts.

For now, back to bed for a nap. This afternoon, I have a big pile of library books to return. And this evening, more drinks with bubbles :)

Congratulations me!

Thursday, August 27, 2009


It is D-day. One more sleep and then I will wake up and do the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I know it will be hard because this is my life we're talking about. One more sleep with my thesis and the whole thing will (hopefully) be over. Although... there is a guy in my program who defended today and did such a stellar (sarcastic) job that he has to re-defend in 2 months. Apparently this "university" just will not let anyone fail! Yay for that. This time tomorrow I plan to be drizzunk and/or asleep. One Master's thesis defense coming right up.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

And this is why I heart him

From: Me
Sent: August-20-09 7:21 PM
To: Grey
Subject: Are you in town?

This storm is insane. There's a tornado watch for the City of Toronto right now and one touched down at Vaughan Mills. I'm trapped at school in the graduate office because I didn't get out of here in time. The thunder is loud and I'm scared. Hold my hand? ;)

From: Grey
Date: Thu, Aug 20, 2009 at 7:22 PM
Subject: RE: Are you in town?
To: Me

Yes its insane!! Quite the view from the apt. Please consider your hand held :)

Grey | His crazy executive job title
Where he works
His email address


I'm really angry. My primary thesis supervisor is AWOL and I had planned to do a run-through this week with my co-supervisor. And the two places that listed yesterday which I was going to see with my realtor this afternoon sold. WTF? I hate everything right now. I realize it is a lethal combination of stress and PMS but I'm angry. I'm throwing a mental temper tantrum people. Silently while I sit here in the graduate student office. I'm like a little invisible fire-breathing dragon witch with smoke and steam coming out of all the orifices in my head.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

It's funny because it's true

Including myself. I'm a cold-hearted bitch.

The Art of Staying Down by City Girl

Got this from Imerika and had to repost it here.

Grey is good. Doesn't happen often but that's fine. I know he likes it so that's good enough for me :)

Monday, August 17, 2009

Douchebag ego boost

I talked to Douchebag on the phone this morning. He is sick so I didn't go downstairs for a visit. He sounds like death and should probably quit smoking, at least until his disgusto respiratory tract infection goes away. At the end of our conversation, he asked how my date was on Friday night. For the record, I did not tell him I had a date. He had asked if I was coming for drinks after work and I said I already had plans. I never go to those things anyway because I'm on a different floor and never get invited. Anyway, today when he asked how my date was, I said, "it was good". I don't think he expected me to actually have a date on Friday night. He was fishing. So I took the bait. He got all huffy and I could hear the frustration and jealousy oozing out of his infectious H1N1 voice. He said he was very happy for me. Muahahah.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Defense T minus 11

Defense is on August 27 at 2 pm. I am starting to feel overwhelmed and stressed and anxious. Really, the thing that worries me most is the unpredictability of questions. Everything else will be okay provided I spend every spare second of every day between now and then preparing thoroughly. I have to finish my presentation before Thursday which is when I will be doing a run-through with my supervisors. Then I have another week to think of and prepare answers to questions. Basically, anything I wrote in 150+ pages is up for debate. I'm scared.

I took yesterday off to decompress with the other grad students. We had brunch at Watermark in the Harbourfront Centre and ended up at the beach at Ward Island which was actually not completely disgusting. We may go back in two weekends when we're done with our defenses. In the evening, we ordered pizza and had a drink and bitched and moaned and complained about school and thesis supervisors. It was fun and I might even miss these girls when we're done. I probably won't see them again after convocation.

Meanwhile, Grey went here last night.

I don't know how much more of his crap I can take. I know that I have been saying that for the last year and a half but I'm starting to feel used and abused. Underappreciated and taken advantage of. It's wearing me down slowly. Well, maybe when the thesis is over, I will welcome the drama back into my life.

Speaking of drama, MFV might come visit at the end of September on his way to Morocco. While I want to go with him to Morocco, I'm not sure if our friendship can stand this test of real life exposure. I haven't seen him in 3 years. I don't know if he knows what he wants from me but I'm tired of guys flip flopping between wanting to be with me and not wanting to be with me. Don't I deserve to be with a man who knows what he wants? I guess I will wait to worry about him until I see a flight number.

Also, that place I didn't make an offer on? It sold for more than $30K above asking. It appears I can't actually afford to buy the type of place I want in this godforsaken city. It has been a bad news day all around.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Grey is strange

I had dinner yesterday in Maple with Grey, his former admin assistant who is on mat leave, her husband and their two kids in their giant house with 4 bedrooms. She is a ducking phenomenal cook so it was totally worth it. Hamburgers from scratch to die for, mashed potatoes with sweet potatoes and his mother makes dried sausages from scratch as well. Nothing I ate last night was not excellent.

And it was so cute and cozy and domestic with the kids. I helped their 4-year old daughter, play with her Playdough which was totally fun once she warmed up to me. And their 3 month old... well, who doesn't love 3 month old babies with BIG.BLUE.EYES who giggle at you?

So, we're sitting around and Grey is saying how adorable they are and how they have this beautiful house and stuff. Then he says, "I want one". So I say, "what? a huge house?" And he says, "no, a kid". So I said, "well don't look at me!" Everyone laughed and Martha said that she keeps telling Grey he should just marry me. I almost ran out of the house screaming. Could you imagine? Me and Grey trapped in a huge house in Maple with kids. Holy mother of God. It's a good thing I was two glasses of red wine in by then.

Anyway, we left at 11 because he supposedly had another date. Which he told me about before he invited me to dinner with them so that was fine. Martha rolled her eyes at him when he said it before we left and asked me why I put up with his crap. That may be one of the great mysteries of the Universe. Like subatomic particles and the dimensions of time.

But this is when it started to get weird. He held my hand in the car. He hates holding my hand unless we're sleeping. There was one time I tried to hold his hand in public and he yelled at me. Weirdo nutjob. And then, when I got out of the car and said, "so call me if she doesn't put out" (I was trying to be funny and it worked), he said, "well don't go thinking now that if I don't call you I'm having sex with someone else". Weird right? Why would he tell me he is going to meet someone else and then worry about what I think he's doing? It makes no sense to me.

Boys are strange.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Nothing weekend

I have nothing to blog about so I'm going to blog about nothing.

This weekend, I did next to nothing. After I handed in my thesis on Friday afternoon, I have no recollection of what happened afterward. Oh wait, I do remember. I went to my friend's husband's restaurant on the Danforth and had to leave before 1.30 am because I was so tired. Stinkin' Taste of the Danforth shut down half the street. It's a stupid festival because they hold it during the hottest part of the summer and there is never any shade or seating. Lame.

On Saturday, I looked at some more condos with my realtor and got fed up. Then I went to some open houses with a former coworker and was even more miserable. After that, I had early dinner and a drink with a different former coworker at Kalendar in Little Italy which was the high point of the weekend. I was home, on the couch in my pjs by 8 pm. My friend was supposed to phone me and drag me out salsa dancing but she forgot about me. I'm glad she did.

Sunday, I stayed in bed ignoring the phone until 2 pm when I got up and bought groceries for the first time in several weeks. Then I came home and did nothing.

All in all, I needed the weekend of unproductivity but I made up for it by working late tonight. God, my life without thesis is mundane. Hopefully I will buy a place soon and be able to bitch and moan about being house-poor and a slave to my mortgage.

Thursday, August 6, 2009


I did not buy a condo. I am not a homeowner. I still have money in the bank. It's a bit of a relief actually. I was going to put an offer on a place but, by the time I met with my realtor, there were already 5 other registered offers. He asked me what I wanted to do and I said, "a big fat nothing!" What the hell happened to the recession? Sheesh.

Also, I had planned to come home and celebrate not thesising tonight but I'm tired as crap. I really want to watch some Law and Order but my body is finally rebelling against me. I may actually have to go to bed.

Must practice lying

A couple of funny things happened tonight while I was hanging with the septuagenarian crew that I just have to blog about.

First: Indian alcohol advice.

Whiskey then beer: in the clear,
Beer then whiskey: very risky.

Second: I really must practice lying.

The folks etc were hanging out talking and shooting the shit when they got to talking about experimenting with drugs. I was quietly minding my business reading my thesis on the couch when my "aunt" (who is very cool and a wonderful person) turns to me and says, "Ms B, have you ever tried marijuana?"

Holy duck, I almost had an aneurysm! Normally I would not have lied to her but in front of my parents!

So I said, "no! And even if I had, I would lie in front of my parents!"

Frig. I'm not sure my parents were convinced and I couldn't even look at my dad after that for a while. Mind you, he didn't look at me either so I wonder what he has been up to.

Must practice my poker face!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009


I cannot wait to say "duck you for-ducking-ever thesis!"

I also cannot wait for it to be Friday so that I can get drunk and pass out on my couch before 8 pm.

Monday, August 3, 2009


That was my 500th post! Frig, it's about sex with Grey. How pathetically lame. And fitting. Argh. Well, happy 501 me :)

Grey is the best lover I have ever had (not that I've had many)

This post is going to be somewhat explicit so skip it if you are a prude*

So, after more than a week of building up to it, I went over to Grey's last night for some lovin'. Now, he's been out of town for some time and we had tentatively planned this "meeting" but there was nothing set in stone. I knew he was coming back in the evening but we hadn't set a time. We just knew we were going to knock some boots together when he got home. It turns out that his flight didn't land until midnight and we were both hungry and, by the time I got to his place after picking up a Double Big Mac (for him),I was tired and just wanted to go to bed. Apparently so did he. So we brushed our teeth and jumped into bed. And then had almost the best sex that we have ever had.

My head was on the verge of exploding just about the entire time. I don't know how long it lasted or when we went to sleep but I slept like the dead last night. Which is unusual, to say the least. I really can't explain it but he did things with his fingertips and his hands and his lips that nobody has ever done to me before. There wasn't really anything different than just regular old vanilla sex. There were no crazy multiple orgasms or funky oral sex or kinky positions. It's not like we could have made a million with a sex tape or anything. But it felt as though my nerves were going to jump out of my skin and run away. You know when you just stop kissing but your noses are close together and your lips are just barely touching? How you just end up with synchronized breathing because everything else feels so good that kissing becomes distracting? Yeah, it was intimate in the best way. It was really something else.

And then of course there was the cuddling and the spooning and the rolling over together which is always so comforting. The only strange thing was that he had a nightmare and woke up yelling something. But otherwise, it was just short of perfection. I don't know why we fit together so well but it makes me not want to waste my time dating anyone else. Especially douche bags at work.

We went for dim sum this morning and we actually talked about stuff which was also unusual. He still wants kids. And I still don't want kids. He is still making jokes about sleeping with other women. Younger women. 20-year olds. Strangely enough, I was feeling super confident this morning so I asked him, "so are they better than me? Because I wouldn't think that younger would necessarily mean better?" And he came right out and said that he isn't sleeping with anyone else. Finally! It only took him 2 years to admit it. It felt pretty good, not because I expect him to be faithful to me. I have never expected that and he knows that. Hell, I haven't exactly been faithful to him. We've never been in a "relationship". But it felt good that my instincts about him are right. That he's just the guy who talks big but won't actually follow through. Also, it's reassuring to know that my last blood work was redundant.

The icing on the cake was my witty repartee on leaving. He asked, "where's my blow job?" "In the same place as my orgasm". I left him laughing his ass off.

*You know who you are. No nasty comments please.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Douchebag redux

He called tonight, after sending 8 nonsensical drunk texts, and wants to date me again.

For those of you not keeping up or new to the blog, look for any posts since May with the word "disaster" in it.

I don't know how many times I have to say no to this guy. The thing is, I know that he only wants to hit it because I keep saying no to him. The second I let him back in, he'll be gone again. I'm not one of those women who is naive enough to believe that men change.

We talked for an hour. Because we have an important meeting at work on Wednesday and I need for everything to be fine. It took a lot of time away from my thesising and I didn't want him to know how much his text message hurt me. But I did end up telling him that I was angry about his decision that I wasn't good enough for a relationship but that he'd be happy to do me anytime.

Fucking guys. Always know how to make me feel like I'm less than nothing. Good thing I'm seeing Grey tomorrow night. He'll remind me that I am actually worthless.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

End in sight

This is it. The last weekend of thesis writing! Well, maybe not ever because I'm sure I will have corrections after the defense. But it's the last weekend of thesis writing for a month! Yay :) Also, my parents are in town, despite my urging them not to come until October, so it's a good way to avoid hanging out with them.

I saw a place that I liked enough on Thursday to consider making an offer. So I might do that on Wednesday. How crazy a week would that be? Submit my thesis and buy a condo in the same week? I guess I'm going to have to get seriously drizzunk next weekend.

For now, back to denitrification (shudder). No wait, first I'm going to have brunch at the new Cora's near my place. Bagel with lox, here I come!