Wednesday, November 19, 2008

My head hurts

Part of me feels intensely relieved. I am back home as scheduled and my thesis lab work is officially over. I feel good about that.

I haven't heard from The Crush since last Thursday night. I sent him a text message after the wedding was over on Friday. Nothing. I sent him another text message on Monday when I found out we were coming home today. Still nothing. On the off chance that he didn't get them - even though he got them before - I called and left a voice mail this evening. No return call. I am so confused. I really thought there was something.

However, the outrageously cute one, the one that lives in Montreal, was really, really good to me. And that is terrifying. He was considerate, thoughtful, well-dressed, well-spoken, made me laugh, was quiet when I was exhausted, gave up almost his entire weekend for me, took me to Sunday brunch with his sister, and waited until very late last night to finally make a move. We stayed up until 3 am fooling around. He is a hot man. Nice body, great smile. Just the sight of him waiting on the Metro platform for me last night filled me with relief. I haven't felt that way since I met X.

I didn't get back to the prof's house til 7.30 this morning. I did the walk of shame and I was okay with that. I even had to take a nap at a service station for 45 minutes just to make the drive home safely. He called me tonight and we had a good conversation. He wants me to come back to Montreal in two weeks because he has symphony tickets and no date. Even though our mutual friend warned me off, he seems like a really great guy. Decent and even a little shy.

I am so confused. I don't know that I have what it takes to do the long distance thing. I want someone with me here. But when I didn't see him on Monday, I missed him. And it was nice to sleep next to him. He made me breakfast this morning. I'm scared and I'm not sure if I'm ready to be unsingle yet.

How can I be waiting for the one guy who makes the Universe stop spinning to call me when there's another guy who has put in the effort, has made me laugh, is cute and decent, was a perfect gentleman for five days and gave me his undivided attention?

I am so confused.


Alexandreena said...

Confused is how I feel about most relationships. So, no advice since the blind leading the blind is no fun.

But he sounds really good, so I think you should go and visit and go to the symphony. Don't think about the long distance thing and being unsingle and all that. Just go and enjoy the symphony and him.

Victoria said...

Oh dear.

Anonymous said...

If The Crush didn't exist, what would your feelings about the other one be?

And why the heck can't I have two women interested in me? Sheesh...

Awkward, for you said...

I think you are so into the crush because you aren't ready to be 'unsingle' yet. You know with the crush that it's only a crush and the fact that he hasn't phoned/text you makes things easier to ignore and not get too hung up on.

However, Montreal guy is a lot of reality. He's exactly what you'd want but now that he's there in front you you aren't quite ready to settle down.

Does that make sense?

I strung my now boyfriend along for a bit because i figured he was the one but wanted to make sure, by going out on several other dates and realizing 'what the hell is wrong with me? I have the perfect guy right in front of me.'

Relationships are messed up and it's hard to do long distance relationships, i have done it many times, but it forces you to trust someone (if you have trust issues, like i did at one point) and it let's you live separate lives until you are ready to move closer together.