Thursday, October 16, 2008

Response to message

I got a message on POF that struck me as odd, and a tiny bit offensive. Perhaps I'm overthinking and the guy is not a total racist. But his first, and only, question was to ask me what my background was. I'm assuming that he was asking about ethnic background and not, say, educational or professional background. I wrote a response but then decided not to send it. I'm not going to reply to him at all. Wait, that's not true. I already asked him if it was important and he said no. I'm not going to reply to the second email. But this is what I wrote.

To be honest, I find the question a bit strange. Most guys just ask for a photo and judge for themselves whether they want to pursue things further.

If you are looking for a woman of specific background, ethnicity, religion, whatever, then you might be better off stating that in your profile. Or, more to the point, if there are certain religions/backgrounds that are not compatible with your own, you might state that too.

If ethnicity, background, religion are not important, why would you lead with that question?

So, I'll leave you with a few hints. I belong to a visible minority. When you look at me, it's pretty obvious which visible minority I belong to. Within that visible minority group, I am "mixed". The reason that I put "mixed" on my PoF profile is that I object to listing my ethnicity on principle but I don't have the option to not list it. I am first and foremost Canadian. I do not speak the language of my parents and am not very religious. Therefore, I think I should be judged on my personality first, and my ethnic background second. Yes, it has everything to do with my looks, which are undoubtedly important. But if looks were that important, online dating sites wouldn't be so successful, would they?

Basically, I'm inclined to think that this guy is an idiot and my instincts are telling me not to respond. I'm going to trust them, for once.

1 comment:

Alexandreena said...

Trust your instincts. Definitely