Thursday, October 2, 2008

Can't I just sleep until it's over?

I hate it when my posts randomly disappear. So, taking a deep breath, I choose not to rant and rave. I need to sleep because my vision is starting to blur. Instead, let me entertain you with some of my fb messages today. Because that's the kind of day it's been.

The first message I received from my buddy who is
out of town on a field trip with undergrads (and who is a little too close for comfort sometimes considering how happily married he is but let's just pretend he's gay, shall we?)

Subject line: No 'Hi', 'Heya' or 'Hurry back'?
October 1 at 4:17pm
Heya, How is everything?!? What have you been upto this week? Things here are fine. I have to say the students have been better than I expected. That said, I did NOT get a message from you! My ego is officially shot! ;oP [Buddy's wife] said the two of you are meeting up for drinks tomorrow. Have fun and I expect i will see you sometime next week.

My response to him was:

October 1 at 5:30pm
Ha ha, you're hilarious. I woke up Tuesday morning thinking that the highlight of my Wednesday would be getting out of the lab to have lunch with you and so I should hustle through my ammonia analysis. But no, not only are you not here but my ammonia analysis is not going well at all. The chemistry part went fine but the instruments at "The University" are total and utter crap. I tried to log into the spectrophotometer today only to be told that my account had expired. You'd think it would have warned me when I logged on yesterday! Fortunately [power trippy lab tech guy] was just leaving so he updated the expiry on my account to a year from now. But then I had to set up all my method files again and I got an error so outrageous that I couldn't run my samples without making up another batch of standards. Something that should have taken 4 hours will end up taking over 7 if I can even get the damn thing to work this evening. Fortunately, my samples have a 24 hour hold time so I'm not freaking out just yet, even though I am about ready to burst into tears.

Deep breath. Thanks for letting me rant. [Your wife] and I are meeting at 6 ish tomorrow. Hopefully I'm not a total basket case when I see her. I might cry into my drink :(

The third message was one I sent to a friend who is very similar to me and I find that frightening because she can be abrasive, judgmental and a poor listener.

I think I might have to break up with one more of my girlfriends. Honestly, the more I talk to her, the less I like her. Not once in 4 years when I lived in BC did I hear from her and she only started hanging out with me this year because we're both single. When she calls she never asks me about my shit and could care less that I'm totally stressed and overwhelmed with school. So whenever her name comes up on my call display, I ignore it. Then I feel consumed by guilt and call her back. And then I proceed to hate myself for having made myself actually waste my time talking to her. I should just dump her. We had an argument today because she went on and on about how much she fuckin' hated BC and had a lousy time and couldn't wait to get home and I took it personally and told her I was offended and had to go. I wish I could just never see her or her stupid skinny airhead friends anymore but my friend Baby is still really tight with her and we might have to sit together at the stinkin' wedding. I hate stupid women and I hate that I have to be friends with her. Argh.

And the third email was to my buddy again and it's important because, well there needs to be some closure on this day.

As a follow up to this message, I am a TOTAL FUCKING RETARD. There was nothing wrong with the instrument or the software. It was friggin' user error. Jesus I'm stupid. However, problem sorted! I am praying for one day at the lab where I do not come right to the brink of bursting into tears. I don't need optimism. I don't need things to go according to plan. I just need a manageable day with no panicked anxiety attacks which make me want to go home and crawl into bed and cry until my eyeballs fall out. Dear Universe, I'm not McGyver okay! Thank you and goodnight.

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