100

I feel like I should write something monumental but I've got nothing. I already started this post once and it was pure blogorrhea. About Grey and House and misery and crap like that.

I'm pretty sure that I fell in love with Grey. But that can't make any sense. How can you fall in love with someone that you barely know? How can love be real? And how can it be fair to fall in love with someone that doesn't love you back? Surely that's just an illusion. You think that you're in love but you're not really. It's just some weird imbalance of pheromones and hormones and sexual tension and loneliness. Surely.

And if that's what love is, humiliating and painful and unsatisfying and lonely, what the hell is the point?? Why would anyone want that? Every couple I know is unhappy and every relationship I see needs work that one or both people are unwilling to put in. So what the hell is the point??

God,I miss Grey so much but do I really want him back in my life? Probably not. Not with the drama and the baggage and the heartbreak and the tears. There isn't a single thing about him that I don't miss and it seems that I cry every day regardless of whether or not he's in my life. So maybe love doesn't make you better off. Maybe it just helps you feel like there's some meaning to the daily trials and tribulations of life. Maybe that's why I still want him back. Because I'm miserable without him so I might as well be miserable with him, right?