Make it stop

God, I miss you so much. I want to send you a text message or an email just to find out how you're doing. I want to get in my car and drive by your place and figure out what you're doing and who you're doing it with. I want you to call me and my heart to race when my call display shows your name. I want to lie next to you and put my head on your shoulder. Just shut my eyes and let go of all the strain and exhaustion and tension. I miss you so much I just want to cry but I'm so tired of crying and missing you. I'm tired of this ache. It feels like there's a giant hole in my chest. A big gaping black hole that can never be filled. That just sucks everything into it but never changes. My throat is tight, my eyes are bloodshot. I want to stand next to you and put my forehead in your neck while you wrap you arms around me and tell me that everything is okay. I want to dance with you, share a cigarette, smoke a joint, have a meal. Watch you cook. Listen to you falling asleep. Wake up next to you. Be the small spoon. I don't want to do anything on my own anymore. I miss you so much it hurts.