Misery monster

I'm still miserable. I'm still fighting off tears. I want to go to bed but I'm scared. I think I have a date on Thursday but I don't want to go. I don't want to be with anyone else. I don't want to put myself out there again and again and get hurt again and again. I want someone to hold me at night and reach for my hand when we're walking and look forward to our time together. But I don't want to look for it. I want it to be here now without any of the risk or heartbreak or sacrifice.

Well, it appears that not going to bed has not prevented the crying so I might as well give in to the monster.