Friday, May 30, 2008

Lonely Friday night

I don't know what to do with myself. I'm attempting to clean to keep myself busy. I was really tired driving home but, now that I'm back, I'm not sleepy enough to drop straight off into oblivion.

I'm really feeling the loneliness tonight. I'm starting to think that I should get some medical treatment for this. It's not that I had a bad evening. Maybe I'm just tired. I slept poorly again last night. Woke up while it was still dark with cramps and hot flashes. So I got up and changed and went back to bed. I didn't take any drugs because I haven't bought groceries and the fridge is bare. It wasn't until 6.30 am that I realized I had a tub of yoghurt hiding behind the Indian food leftovers from Monday evening. So I got up, had a bowl of yoghurt and bran and took a painkiller. That helped a bit and I think I got another 15 minutes of sleep before I had to be up and off to review some documents for a client.

I did 7 hours of work today. So that's good. It'll pay for some of the impulse shopping I've been doing. And maybe I'll have money leftover for wedding gifts. I came home after work and passed out on the couch. I wish I had enough tv and food to keep me glued to the couch for hours but I woke up and realized I had to go out or go stir crazy.

I had dinner with my ex-coworkers. Same crowd as last week plus the girl with almost the exact same name as me. She's gorgeous though. It was nice. Ran into one of the guys from school at the pub.

I know that Grey is home now. He was out when I called him earlier this evening for a traffic update. A bunch of bikers shut the westbound highway down and I was stuck for over half an hour. I was starving and pissed and the local radio news was short on info. I wish that I didn't have to pass his place on the highway both in and out of downtown. Plus, I added him back on my MSN and now I feel like I know his every move. I wonder if I'll ever get over this feeling. It feels like my heart is infected and my chest cavity is going to buckle and cave in.


Gypsy at Heart said...

I know that infected heart feeling. It's like a baby elephant sitting comfortably on your chest. Hard to breath with that constant weight. May I give some advice? I'll go ahead anyway though you haven't given me leave, you are NOT ready to see him on your MSN so make him invisible or take him off or something. Anything that makes it not possible to know when he is on. Also, is there another route that bypasses his home? Find one. I know it might seem like what's the point but trust me, time must pass before these two actions again become possible. The elephant will eventually move on.

Elusive Butterfly said...

Yup, that's exactly what it feels like. A baby elephant. I know in time it will pass and that keeps me looking forward. But this man is above and beyond any other guy I have ever met, let alone dated. That is going to take a long time to pass. A really long time. And no, there isn't another good route. Everything else would add 20 minutes to a drive that is otherwise usually 15. I may not live in this city 6 months from now so that's something. I'll keep pushing on that elephant in the meantime though.