Monday, May 19, 2008

Good long weekend

I actually ended up having a really good long weekend. I shouldn't have ended it with House. I knew that it would end that way but I hoped deep down that it wouldn't. I won't spoil it for anyone who hasn't watched it yet. But now I can't stop crying. I know it's not real. All the characters are fictitious. I feel silly being this emotional. So why am I still crying?

I saw Grey again on Sunday evening. I emailed him after I got home from the wedding to tell him about the two wedding dresses. He had planned to cook a leg of lamb so I asked him how it was and he invited me over to try it on Sunday night. I don't normally eat lamb. Because they're cute and cuddly, not because I have ethical concerns. But I wanted to try his lamb because I do enjoy his cooking. It was pretty good but not good enough to make up for the cuteness factor. I don't think I'll be eating lamb again any time soon.

And we had the same kind of night as Friday. Dinner, movie (PS I Love You - terrible) and tv (PGA Tour - I passed out, which is the only reason I watch golf), cuddles, sleep. But no sex. He kicked me out this morning but I could tell he felt a bit guilty about it. Well, he didn't kick me out but I could tell he was anxious to get to work. I could see his brain click into gear at about 10.30 and he was too preoccupied to enjoy sex. That made me a bit sad. I shouldn't expect him to put me before work but it was hard not to take that as a hit to my self-esteem. His job makes him an asshole and it doesn't even make him happy. I don't want to think about why he continues to do it. He worked all day today so he didn't join me for Chinese food for dinner.

I went out for bubble tea afterwards with the Usual Suspects and they were all happy to get the "gifts" he sent. Okay, he didn't send them. I took one for Baby and one for Delorean but he loaded me up with enough for everyone else. I would say what the "gifts" were but that would blow his cover. Anyway, it was nice to have plans on the last day of the long weekend. I saw all of the important friends this weekend. Well, the local ones anyway. I got all my lab work done and feel really good about that. And this is four weekends in a row of seeing Grey and him being nice to me. Twice in one weekend is just gravy on the cake. That's right, gravy. Not icing, unless it's egg-free.

I can tell that something has changed with him but I don't know what that something is. He's talking to me now. Letting me in a tiny bit. And that makes me feel good about myself. It makes me happy. I know I shouldn't hope for more from him. The past 8 months have taught me not to expect more from him. But when he's nice to me, I don't feel as stupid about the time I spend with him. From now on, I will make a conscious effort to not be harsh or critical or judgmental. Sometimes I wish he was a bit more boyfriend material. Tonight, it would have been nice if he had joined us for dinner. But perhaps this is the Universe testing me. To see if I learned my lesson with X. Or is history just destined to repeat itself?


Asshat said...

I don't really get the part about the "gifts" and how they'd blow his cover. Do they relate to his job or something?

Elusive Butterfly said...

That's correct. For example, if he worked for Forest Pharmaceuticals and sent everyone home with free samples of Celexa. I'm trying to maintain my anonymity more than his.