Four consecutive days

We're off to the cottage soonly. I just have to unload the camping gear from my car, stop by Denis' for a quick bite and then we're off. I was a bit concerned that we'll be spending 4 days together continuously this soon in our relationship. We met exactly two weeks ago. It's all very crazy. But it turns out that he invited friends up tonight and on Saturday night. So that's a bit of a relief. Hopefully finding some alone time won't end up being an issue! Here goes...

My brain on crack

Experiment is over. Wired and exhausted and everything hurts. But glad it's over and very much looking forward to my bed tonight. After egg-free, dairy-free chocolate baby birthday cake for dinner.

Denis has been really great. Brought me food, come by to kill some time, picked me up and drove me home after the all-nighter and even helped out in the lab. He said he would build me a pipette stand.

We're going to his cottage tomorrow night. I still find myself thinking about Grey. Justifying my relationship with Denis to Grey in my head. Why? Actually, not a question I care to delve into while sleep-deprived. Or perhaps at all.

Why does everything seem so surreal when I'm sleep-deprived? It's almost like I'm high but instead of me being in slow motion, the rest of the world is.

Rowr...

Asshat's polysyllabic verbosity is turning me on so much right now that I can't think straight to write. I'm going to need a minute.

Oh wait, one notable thing. I'm ready to start my last experiment.

Must go to bed...

Oh another thing, Denis' best friend is the headhunter that works for my company. How weird is that?

Progress

I just talked to Grey. I really am quite unimpressed with him despite missing him and his cooking and his fabulous apartment. He text messaged me "how are you?" last night. I responded this morning with "I'm good. You?" and he wrote back that he was just touching base. So I sent him a scathing, sarcastic "Wow I feel so special! It's almost as though we had a conversation! Have the boards arrived? How's vball? I played "wax" for 42 points the other day. There now I feel better. Have a great day." He called promptly and went through the motions of talking to me. His "nice talking to you" was appallingly insincere. Ugh. I hate him right now. It's a fine line, I guess. Maybe I can stay here on the other side of it.

I've been spending time with Denis. He said he would take whatever I can give. I'm not sure about him still but feel so comfortable just being around him. Talking to him is like an extension of my brain. It's almost as though there are no filters.

And I think I have a date this afternoon. I think that dinner on Thursday was a set up. I think he's a lot younger than me only having finished his undergrad two years ago. But he seems like a nice guy and I'd like to get to know him if only because he's a friend I met through people who are like family to me. He asked me to a movie last night which I politely declined and suggested a matinee today. We're going to see Kung-Fu Panda. But first, wedding stuff with Baby.

This, however, is "respectable".

55% Geek

Created by OnePlusYou

Considering the frequency with which I imbibe, I should have scored much higher.

88%DRUNKARD

Created by OnePlusYou

Solo

He didn't call. Text message but no phone call. I'm relieved because I spent all day thinking of reasons we're not compatible. It's just easier if he doesn't call. Then I can comfortably trust my instincts which are telling me he just isn't that into me but would be more than happy to have sex again.

Otherwise it was a productive day. I moved into another lab and started getting ready for my experiment. I'm hoping to start it next Tuesday or Wednesday.

I've been sending Grey text messages and emails in my head. Progress. And emailing a few people online. More progress. No bites so far. Perhaps, in addition to being eternally alone, I'm destined to be the single girl who does not date. And organizes weddings. Found invitations and giveaways for Baby today. Very productive. I'm going to bed before midnight for once.

Unresolution

This is so fucked up. I actually missed that damn guy today. And then I got home and realized I had left my earrings at his place. Shades of Grey. I should stop leaving them lying around. So I went over and picked them up and he hugged me and it felt good and I buckled just a tiny bit. But I left my car running, refused to park it and go upstairs so we stood outside in the rain while he tried to convince me we should give it another go. Really really fucked up. I made one concession that he could call me tomorrow. No goodbye kiss. He's as bullheaded as his astrological sign. He called while I was driving home. Maybe he just thinks he can persuade me to have sex with him again. I hope I don't make that mistake again.

On a more positive note, I met with my supervisors today and they had some solutions to help with the lab issues. We're going to fix things tomorrow morning and start working on the next - and hopefully final - experiment.

Why can't my personal life be as easily managed as my professional life? What am I doing wrong? Perhaps it comes down to lack of qualifications, experience and mentoring.

Not this again

Just thinking some more. Is it ironic that I finally meet someone who seems to be a "good guy" and I decide to be strong and assert some boundaries but he bails because those are apparently not acceptable to him? Because frankly, and pardon my French, but that seems fucked up. I'm feeling unlovable but fuckable again.

Flash in the pan

Today was rough but it's over and I'm ready for bed. I sent this email to Denis last night.

I had a really good time with you today. It really was my ideal Sunday. But we have to talk about what happened tonight. It's not the way I would have chosen to end such a perfect day. To be honest, I'm thoroughly disgusted with myself. I love talking to you and cuddling with you but having sex tonight really made me feel shitty about myself. I wish it hadn't happened and I don't know if I can get past it. We can talk more about it tomorrow but I need to say all this here because I'm not sure I will be able to articulate myself coherently. I said I wasn't mad at you and I'm not. I'm ashamed at myself for not being stronger, for not standing my ground, for letting it happen when I knew days ago that I would regret it if I did. I need to be with someone who is good for me because I'm so hard on myself and now I'm really not sure if this is it. And that makes me sad because I have more to talk about with you than any man I have ever met. Perhaps my instincts are right and this feeling of being overwhelmed and freaked out is not a good thing. I just wish I could trust them.

He replied to my email saying he felt the same way. Ashamed that he caved as well and hoping we could move past it. Then I went to school and had a total meltdown in the lab. I had to come home because I was crying and that's just not productive. Talked to a couple of girlfriends and drafted an email to my supervisor outlining my frustration. Haven't sent it yet but I will tonight.

Then, when I was less of a basket case, I called Denis. We had dinner and talked briefly. I told him that I was still feeling really awful about last night. And I told him that I needed to slow down the physical stuff until I got to know him a little better. That we should maybe just date (ie meet in public places) for the next couple of weeks.

Then he said a bunch of stuff that basically boiled down to his not agreeing to my terms. He said he couldn't be in that sort of relationship. He could try to fake it and bury his desire for me but that he would end up being miserable. That he wanted to be with someone who was equally committed and working towards the same things.

I pointed out how black and white that was given that we only met last Thursday and said I wasn't sure when I was going to know all those things. That I was overwhelmed by his intensity. We decided that neither of us was being unreasonable, that I'm just more cautious and conservative. But he basically gave me an ultimatum and I said I couldn't meet that without knowing him a little better.

I'm relieved. It was all too much, too soon.

Ad infinitum

We had a really good day. Dim sum, the paper, a lot of talking, some fooling around and sushi. I was feeling a little too comfortable with him. Perhaps it's only fitting the day should have ended on a sour note. I feel really shitty. Nauseated, even. I'm going to shower and cry myself to sleep. I hate myself.

Hmm...

He's growing on me. We talked on the phone for an hour already today and we have similar beliefs and values. Who woulda thunk it? I'm not sure if Baby is going to the florists today. Maybe I'll let her go with Delorean and I'll go meet him for brunch.

What kind of advice is that?

Irony is amusing. Two friends expressed disapproval today.

My friend who hates her husband met Denis last night. She called me this evening to express in no uncertain terms that she thought he wasn't good enough, that I could do better, that he was annoying and a little aggressive. I told her that I wasn't going to marry him or have his babies. That I haven't even slept with him yet. She seemed to think that was okay. I just can't stop shaking my head that she thinks she is in a position to give me advice on how to choose Mr Right.

Then another close friend expressed disapproval at our choice of activities and that I ended up staying over last night. The 420 was a bad idea. I fully admit that and was completely sober last night. As for the staying over, it really wasn't intentional. We didn't realize it was 5 am until we came down from the roof. Then we fooled around for an hour and fell asleep around 7 am. I was home by 7.30 am and went straight to bed. We had the conversation and we have to wait at least two weeks to have sex because I was so sick this month that I couldn't take my pill. He said he was okay with that and promised not to rip all my clothes off until I said it was okay.

And the phone calls. He text messaged me this afternoon. Asked me to call when I was able to. So I did, and even though I won't end up seeing me tonight, he asked me to call him tonight anyway. Which I am going to do right after I post this. I think I'm seeing him tomorrow. Hopefully it will be casual and low key because I'm really suffering from two nights of sleep deprivation.

He's not THE ONE. His apartment is a disaster, there have been too many raccoon incidents and his intensity is overwhelming. He's like a puppy and reminds me very much of B in the early days. That's how I know this isn't sustainable. But I can still play. Right?

Huh

Well, it's a little hard to play games when he beats me to the phone call! I apologized for freaking out last night and he agreed it took a turn for the odd at the end of the night. He asked me out again tonight. His friends are in a band and are playing at the Blue Moon tonight. I've never been and don't even know where it is but I'll see what Baby and Delorean want to do after dress shopping and then decide. I'm very impressed at this early phone call and second date invitation.

Post-date post

Wow, was I ever wrecked when I wrote that last post. I vaguely remember sitting at my monitor thinking I was actually going to throw up. Fortunately I didn't.

So I'm still a bit freaked out about last night. I definitely had a good time but I did not enjoy the end of that high. I think it would be wise to smoke less from now on. I get a little too paranoid when I'm not comfortably ensconced in a couch with a movie and a Grey-shaped spoon.

I can't figure out Denis. He's a little rough around the edges but also has quite polished manners. He has traveled all over the world and loves food and can count in Cantonese. We talked for hours about all kinds of things and it was fun. And then we went to Little Italy for a couple more drinks at Souz Dal and Wild Orchid. Then he showed me his 230 sq. ft apartment and the deck he's building on his roof. We had a slight run in with some raccoons but it was amazing to sit quietly on the roof looking at the full moon. The guy is semi-retired. Owns and manages several buildings and spends winters in South America. And that bike... I think we may need a second date.

So it's time to think about strategy. I should send a thank you text message because he changed his mind about calling me when he dropped me off. At first he said he'd call me in the morning but then he decided he would let me call which obviously I'm not going to do. I just have to figure out the wording and timing of said text message. I could send it now but I think I'll wait til later in the morning. Or maybe I should wait til the afternoon. "Thanks, had a great time last night. Off to buy a wedding dress now. May need to be rescued from that". Apparently he has a thing about rescuing women.

Let the games begin.

Best and worst date ever

I really didn't expect to end this date smoking a j and making out with this guy. I can't figure out why I feel so awful. Perhaps because I'm a huge control freak? We had a really good time. I just got ridiculously buzzed and started to get paranoid and needed to come home. Tomorrow is going to be rough. I think I even liked him at one point. Not immediately but after a lot of conversation. I should at least give him - and his motorcycle - a second chance.

Pre-date post

Okay, here we go. Dating is an exquisite form of sado-masochism and I really don't know why I do this to myself. I would really rather just spend the evening lying on my couch pretending I don't exist. However, the legs are shaved (for skirt wearing in 36 degree Celsius weather not nookie!), the hair is blow dried and the make up is going on momentarily.

So here are my goals for tonight:

1. Drink a glass of wine
2. Don't say anything offensive (I think it's too much to expect me not to say anything stupid).
3. Don't be aloof

And here is the run down on date man.

Age: 1969
Sign: Taurus
Height: 5'7"
Hair colour: bald
Religion: Buddhist
Background: French
Profession: real estate/computer consultant (some minor concerns here)
Education: Bachelors degree

Likes: dancing in the living room, cats, rock climbing, renovation and yoga amongst other things.

Here goes...

Stormy

The dark clouds are beginning to gather. I was fine all day and now I'm not. It's easy to pretend I don't care when I'm surrounded by people and have things to focus on. Like how much beading is too much and whether or not the extra crinoline will fit down the aisle. The hard part late is at night when it's quiet and there's nobody left in the Universe so that I am forced to listen to the voices in my head. The ones that tell me I'm supposed to be alone. The ones reminding me that the moments of human contact are illusory and fleeting. The ones that jeer at the happy thoughts cowering and hiding from the leaded skies of despair.

Disappointment. I don't deal well with that emotion. And I'm wondering if it's just easier to never let anyone in so that I don't ever have to feel this way again. All of the happiness is transient but this thing seems to magnify itself out of all reasonable proportion and then it goes on and on forever. I don't want any more of this roller coaster. The highs of hope and depths of disappointment. I just want a flat line. No happy, no sad, just an eternity of meaningless solitude on this planet until that is over too.

If only self-esteem was rational. Then I could conduct a logic exercise and be done with all the garbage. Instead I'm left with the voices inside and the dark clouds gathering overhead.

Stupider than it sounds

Well, in the colossal surprise event to end all surprises... guess where I was tonight?

Yes, that's right. I went to Grey's for dinner, a movie and mind blowing sex.

I was feeling ambivalent - even dreading it a little - almost up until the moment that I drove up to his apartment building where I said out loud to myself, "just be happy". Yes, I am weak. But to be very honest, part of the reason I ended up going was because Baby brought someone else wedding dress shopping and that woman was beyond annoying. She loved every dress that Baby tried on, even the truly hideous ones that I made her wear just to see how they would look. I couldn't sit through dinner with her knowing that I could be having free, pre-j-and-sex dinner with Grey instead.

And he was sweet. Very sweet. Even when he said "fuck you", he apologized sincerely and made me hug it out. I pretended to be offended so that he would know I take that kind of language seriously. But, deep down, his words hold much less meaning today than they did last week. My reaction to the same language several years ago wasn't as... I was going to say mature but I think I actually mean cynical.

I don't remember the parallel incident but the ending was much stickier. I know I'm going to read this in a year, or five years, and wonder what the hell I was thinking today. No, I'm not over him. I can admit that. If "The One" exists, he is probably the closest I have ever come. There's nothing I want more than to have him wrapped around me. Well, that's not true. I do want consistent, intentional affection from someone who wants to hold onto me whenever possible and not just these random weeknights subject to his schedule.

It would also be nice to be with someone whose compliments are more thoughtful and gracious than, "you're my perfect fuck". So yeah, date on Thursday is still a good idea. I wonder though whether sex with another man will be as interesting and satisfying. I guess I'll just have to find out.

I'm still a bit high so I'm going to bed. But the convoluted point is that I'm happy. I don't feel shitty or weak or stupid. I am just post-coitally blissful. Plus, H is back!

Sheesh

I have a date on Thursday! I'm really freakin' nervous. It's a place called The Comrade on Queen St E. Did I mention I was really freakin' nervous? Frig. What to wear?! LBD or something casual? Frig. I am so bad at this.

Okay breath through the anxious. It's just practice for all the future dates so that when I meet Colin Firth I don't drop cocktail sauce in my lap while laughing hysterically at his dry British humour.

On a somewhat related note, a bizarre email thread occurred today between me and Grey.

To recap, he called me on Skype and sent me two MSN messages while I was out at dinner last night.

Then this morning he sent me an email apologizing for the "stupid" text messages.

Me: You don't have to apologize. You were drunk and I did ask. It was probably for the best anyway. I think I'm finally starting to get over you :) Now get down off that pedestal so I can make room for someone new!

Grey: Ok understood, I won't call anymore...best of luck!!

M: What? Why not? What did you understand? I thought we were friends? I guess I was confused about all those times we talked on the phone and hung out and didn't have sex. Now I have to find someone new for dim sum, a j and Scrabble on Sundays too? Dammit!

G: No...no sorry I miss understood, I love the time we spend together, I just don't want to stop you from meeting the one for you......can we do Dim Sum next Sunday?

M: Okay :) And you've never stopped me from doing anything I want to do (except maybe that time I wanted to go to Circa on my 30th birthday and you wanted to stay home but that doesn't count because they were your friends not mine). If I tell you I have a date this week, will that make you feel less guilty? Sunday dim sum would be perfect. Unless, of course, this date is the guy of my dreams and wants to take me to the Caribbean for the weekend. If so, I'll ask if I can bring you too and we can fulfill one of my fantasies... the one with two Francophone men on a beach at sunset ;)

G: LOL....uhmm fantasy eh, when's your date?? I'm playing beach volley ball tonight but if your not busy Tuesday night do you want some lovin'.......

M: Date is some time towards the end of this week. Still working out the scheduling details. My friends (Baby and Delorean) decided to get married in November so now we have to do in 3 months what most people do in a year. Stinkin' bridesmaids dresses, flowers, photographers, djs, seating arrangements, invitations, blah blah BLAH! Frig, if I ever get married it will be on a Caribbean beach at sunset in a pink bikini.

Tuesday might work after we're done wedding dress shopping. I'll call you. Can I come to beach volley ball some time to check out the cute beach boys? I once dated a volleyball player and his thighs were the hardest thing I have ever touched. His muscles were practically exploding out of his skin... sorry, I'm going to need a moment.

G: You crack me up...you should definitely write for a living......chat soon cheers

Planetary Perturbation

I think the planets are aligned today. Or misaligned. Or something.

I had a full Sunday and only felt lonely for a few scattered moments here and there.

This morning I had dim sum as a thank you for planning yesterday's baby shower. Then I went shopping for wedding dresses. Which, can I just say, is so much fun when you can make someone else try on a bunch of wedding dresses regardless of whether they're hideous or gorgeous. And this evening I had dinner with old family friends. Well, they're friends of my parents. But it was nice. It felt like having my own family and I had some awesome home cooking.

There were three families. My parents aren't visiting this summer but usually there are four sets of parents and two kids. The first set of parents belongs to my best friend A. She and I finished high school together here so I've only known them for about 15 years. The second set of parents are here visiting their son. He is a couple of years older than me and our parents have known each other for our entire lives. He even condescended to speak to me a couple of times today. He passed me grapes, let me put my glass of wine on the table without a coaster and said he would email me about his trip to Vancouver next weekend. More progress!

The third set of parents are my favourite. They are spirited and highly educated and fun and funny. They are the oldest - both over 75, I think - and they are the ideal old married couple. They make fun of each other, they complete each others' sentences, they interrupt each other, their non-verbal communication is seamless. I think they are actually still in love. If I can't have that, I don't want to get married.

And, when I got home tonight, I discovered I had missed a Skype call and two MSN messages from Grey. I didn't reply to any of them and I don't think that I will.

Ew

Grey is at some Playboy event tonight. He just sent me a text message. It read:

"Insane... pussy everywhere... girls licking... its crazy!!"

I don't even want to think about what the girls might be licking. I think I may officially be disgusted and unimpressed with him. Step down off the pedestal and make room for someone new.

I actually have four new messages from guys on LL and POF tonight. Actually, there were more but only 4 are worth my spending the time to reply to. And of those, really only one or two seem promising. But I'm being open minded.

I won't respond tonight though. Maybe tomorrow night. To the bald guy. Or Monday. To the rest.

Grey just texted me "What no response!!"

I think I'm not going to respond... (thinking)

My girlfriend who hates her husband told me to text back that it's the same at my place right now. While that would be funny, I think I should maintain radio silence.

Super

Sometimes I find it helps to think of things in terms of superlatives. Is Grey the worst man I have ever been with? I think so. Is he the worst non-relationship I have ever been in? I think so. Has he had the most negative effect on my self-esteem? I really think so. I'm not entirely convinced just yet and I think that today I will wonder around the mall and think about it objectively.

Or maybe I should just write it out because I know the mall will be distracting.

Right after X, there was red. But that was an open secret. Nobody could know about us. And I think that very few people still do. He made me angry and he made me cry when he ended it. But I never felt powerless. I enjoyed Christmas with his family. And after the shock of the break up wore off, I appreciated his honesty and his courage in not just disappearing. What does that say about other men? Not a great deal, I guess.

After red, there was blue. He was just a jerk. But again, I never felt helpless or unable to say no to him. That was a flash in the pan. I regret it but I guess I had to live it.

Then there was another flash in the pan. Again, regrets but minimal. Turns out I didn't like him much either.

Followed by several months of hiatus, if I remember correctly. In the fall of 2005, there was Dutch. I think I was crazy about him but we're friends now and I'm okay with that. I remember being crushed by many of the things that happened between us. But I think that was because he considered me un-dateable. Not unfuckable, just un-dateable. His words. Overall, he was good for my self-esteem. Complimentary and sweet, and gentle and generous. Just very self-centred, manipulative and narcissistic. Exactly my type, in fact.

My former Valentine, there's no point dwelling on that. Too young though he often showed maturity beyond his years. The only man that ever made me laugh. Good for my self-esteem. Perhaps a little too good sometimes.

And B. Again, I never felt powerless and he barely dented my self-esteem.

Grey is the only one who makes me feel weak and small and stupid and needy. Maybe I am all those things and it has taken this, the worst kind of non-relationship, to bring those negative qualities out in me. I have learned so much about myself from my interactions with him. But I'm beginning to think that it has all been a waste of time. If I'm never in another relationship again, what would be the point?

I think I am finally disgusted with myself.

Weak

It didn't work. I Skyped him. I think he's grumpy or angry at me or both. I wish I could just turn my consciousness off. Drugs. I need drugs. Powerful drugs. And/or a lobotomy.

Trying very hard not to text or call Grey... Must stay occupied with things that really need to be done.

Still sad

My head and my heart and my body are completely disconnected. I was starting to feel better, physically, today. I went to the grocery store and bought laundry detergent. Did four loads. Swept and mopped the floor. But I didn't eat well. I coughed a lot last night and my lungs are still wheezing. I woke up in a better frame of mind, mentally, and my voice was stronger. I decided to take it easy today. To get some rest so that I could be productive for the rest of the week and the weekend. And I am feeling more alert. I was even starting to feel strong and happy and was willing myself not to contact Grey tonight. Because, after tonight, I'll be busy again.

But then X's mother sent me a photo she took several years ago. It was me and the dog in their front yard. It's such a great photo and I remember they had it up in the house for many years. I had completely forgotten about it. It made me smile but it also made me cry. I feel so alone right now. It's hard to be sick and grieving all by myself.

She also had some really kind words to share. Shouldn't I be the one sending her comforting words?

Dear Me,
I always thought that _the_puppy_ considered you to be family once she got past the barking at you for the first two months. Once she accepted you into her pack, you were always a member. That is one of the reasons that I would ask you to stay with her because it was less traumatic for her. You belonged in our house. The_neighbour_ has looked after _the_puppy_ on occasion, and although _the_puppy_ likes the_neighbour_, she did not belong in our house the way you did. In the past year, I don't think there was any way to disguise the fact that dog sitting meant there was something bad happening.

This is the photo I think of when I think of you and _the_puppy_. I also think of you sitting with _the_puppy_ on your knee while you were reading. As I remember, you also gave good ear rubs.

I think that _the_puppy_ associated you with bringing X home more that taking him away. You often picked him up from the airport and she always looked for him whenever you came to the door.

We do appreciate all of the times you took care of _the_puppy_. I am glad that you were a part of her happy active years.

How incredibly fortunate am I to still have such a great relationship with his family? With his mother especially?

I need to do better.

Gone

Small dogs leave big voids. I just talked to X and his mother. They put the dog down this afternoon. She was suffering and it was her time to go. I would like to believe in reincarnation. Or at the very least, she is chasing squirrels in the sky. But I wasn't ready and I can't believe she is actually gone. I need a hug.

Mute

Never been this sick before. Came home from camping and went straight to an insane wedding last night but was too tired to blog about it. Woke up this morning with no voice. Slept all day today. Was awake a couple of times but didn't really do anything meaningful. I desperately need a shower and to put something in my stomach along with the drugs. Cough syrup with codeine or Neo-Citran? Or both? Was so excited to find out that the washing machine was fixed over the weekend but am out of laundry detergent so can't actually do any laundry. I think I'm officially too sick to ask a friend for help because my brain can't process what I need.

Green shoes

I have got to stop shopping. I went to the mall today to pick up these shoes that I ordered. I first saw them in the US when I was at Nordstrom for $59.99 and that was out of my budget for green shoes. Hell, it was out of my budget for any shoes. So, when I saw them here, I decided I had to at least try them on again. They didn't have my size so I had to wait for them to be shipped from a different mall. When they finally arrived today, there was a black mark on the right shoe. And that shoe had clearly been on the floor for some time because it was more than a little dirty. But it was the only pair left in 7.5 anywhere in the country. So the manager let me have them for $39.99. Not bad, I think.

I also bought myself an inflating air pad at Costco for $34.99, a sleeping bag from Canadian Tire for $8 (I know!) and a dress and two tops (blue and brown, I have it in pink already) from Mexx because everything in the store was 50% off. I'm most annoyed about having to replace my toothpaste. My guests accidentally packed mine so they bought me a tube to replace it. However, they bought the wrong kind. They also bought me some Dove soap. It is scented and I only use unscented. I'm not sure what to do with it. It hardly makes an appropriate regift. Maybe I'll take it to the gym.

Anyway, I get to meet a new client tomorrow. I'm very excited about this work. And not just because it's the same company that Grey works for and I might end up training him. How crazy would that be? So, off to bed. I'm still under the weather and tomorrow is not going to be pretty.

Update: I still haven't made it to bed almost 2 hours later. I just talked to X for half an hour about relationships and how all the married people I know are fucking miserable. I'm not 100% sure what the reason was for his call. Perhaps to tell me the dates he and the fiancee will be in Ontario in August. Oh wait, I remember now. It was to tell me that his parents almost put down their dear old dog this weekend. That made me cry.

Home Sweet Canada

I am going to sleep very soonly. My sheets are clean and smell like Grey. He let me do laundry at his place today so I did the duvet cover, extra pillow cases and towels. He also made me a sandwich because I didn't make it to dinner with my guests. It was good, as always. We cuddled during fireworks and another bad movie. Witless Protection. Overall, a happy Canada Day.

Wino

Drove around the Niagara Peninsula sipping wine all day. Ended up at the falls and the casino. Very tired. Possibly coming down with something. Washing machine is still broken. Thankfully my sheets are washed. Can't wait to sleep in my bed tomorrow night.