Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Humpy Halloween

How can it only be Wednesday night?? This week is taking forever to end. And not just because I'm turning 30 on Saturday and can't wait :) My last post should have been called "Weekend High". I must be losing it.

He finally asked about X today. Today I was over at X's parents house. Drove his mother home from the hospital and then put up her Halloween decorations while she made dinner. X and I manned the door while she ate and sat with the dog who is 13.5 years old and may not have another Halloween. Mr. X is in the hospital having his bone marrow replaced. He should have been home already but he has a Clostridium difficile infection and is in isolation. They won't let him come home until he has been diarrhea-free for 48 hours. Mrs. X is so strong and matter-of-fact that I have no idea how she copes. I hope I never have to be in her shoes. Perhaps she is stubborn and has a one-track mind. Perhaps she understands that she can't change anything so she just has to manage. Perhaps she cries herself to sleep every night. I would. I can't think of anything I wouldn't do for that family.

I'm not sure what I'll tell the mysterious guy about X. That he treats me more like his little sister than his ex. That I broke up with him because he was never going to be the man I needed in my life. That I'm not attracted to him anymore and haven't been for years. That usually, when we spend time together, I realize I'm better off alone than spending the rest of my life with him. That I still believe, if I'm not good enough for him, maybe I'm not good enough for anyone? I don't know. I guess I'll figure that out when we talk tomorrow.

As for Halloween, I'm glad that it happened, even if it was a bit stressful. We had one little blue princess who took one look at the dog and started yelling "Doggie! DOGGIE!" at the top of her lungs. Fortunately, Mrs. X was holding her (the dog, not the princess) so a near disaster was averted. And then, after X gave her the standard ration of two chocolate bars, she reached into the box and took another one! We all laughed but my nerves were a bit on edge. I can only imagine how the poor dog must have felt. I think the little blue princess had dipped into her candy stash a bit early!

I'm tired. My tummy hurts. I just want to go to bed but I don't think sleep will come easily tonight. I wish I was with the mysterious guy instead of being home alone but I have an early lab day tomorrow and it's better this way.

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