Great expectations

Is it possible to have good sex and good conversation with the same person? With the same man? I'm starting to think it isn't possible. There were a few people who I thought had potential. The deadbeat ex drug-dealer last summer. He was fun and funny and good in bed. But he only wanted to have sex once a week, if that. Then there was my former Valentine who could make me laugh but didn't make a move for months and then, when he did, he couldn't get it up. B who seems to be a perfect physical match but could care less about my brain.

I feel like such an idiot. I haven't heard from B all day. And I've been waiting. I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed for most of the day, let alone leave the house or do any work. And nothing. Not even a response to the birthday message. I am so stupid. How did I get here? All I want to do is cry and sleep and put an end to everything. I feel so alone and unwanted and unlovable and miserable. I'm not hungry but I know I should eat. But I can't bring myself to make anything or go out and pick something up. I can't even bring myself to leave my apartment to have a cigarette. It's a good thing I have class tomorrow otherwise I wouldn't leave the house til Friday. I wish I could stop crying. I hate it when my face gets puffy and I get dehydrated. Somebody please shoot me.