Not sure

I have been avoiding this post. Partly because my last two posts were totally neurotic and there's no need to follow it up with a third. But more because I think my instincts are right. I thought I would know how I felt after this weekend. I think I do know how I feel but I don't want to think about it because I suspect he doesn't feel the same.

The weekend was fine. Nice, even. There was a hiccup on Saturday evening when he got very distant with me. Distant enough that, when I told my former Valentine, he said he didn't like C le V anymore. But I think he was just being drunk and young and hyper. When I got upset, he held me while I got weepy and told me everything would be okay. It has been a long time since anyone did that for me.

But he has been distant all week since. We talked briefly on Sunday night when I got home. We chatted briefly online on Monday night. We talked briefly last night when I phoned him. But he has not booked his train ticket to come and see me this month. He hasn't been responding to emails. And he hasn't tried to make me laugh since he got home from his vacation.

I am totally scared to think about him losing interest. I'm not sure I can handle this right now. On the other hand, there's a lot going on right now with looking for an apartment for April and starting a new megaproject so now would be an ideal time to be re-single.

Grey crank called me yesterday. It was around 2.30 pm and I was at the office. I hit the "ignore" button (please be proud, even though it was easy to ignore his call at work) and forced it to voice mail. When I retrieved it, all I could hear was snuffling and pocket noises. My friends who own crackberries tell me it is virtually impossible to misdial a crackberry and think that he used the pocket noises to cover up because I didn't answer the call.

I have no desire to phone and find out. But I dread future phone calls.