Break

I'm feeling marginally better today. I was pretty exhausted yesterday and I needed a mental break from all of the office politics and fan-shit.

I just wish that I could reach out and ask someone for a hug. Or something. The worst part of being alone is that nobody in the world knows how much I am faking being okay.

Yesterday evening, I went to a Raptors Schmaptors game with my friend J. He is a good friend. There has never been anything more than friendship between us. I can talk to him and not worry about pretending to be someone different. But, more importantly, I can just sit and hang out with him without talking and that's just as okay as when we are talking. It was nice to just go to the game and watch it and only talk some of the time.

It was also somewhat comforting to know that he and his wife are not happily married in newlywed bliss. She doesn't work because he makes loads of money. They just bought a huge new house but she had no concept of a budget. The market is crap right now so they're not going to get what they expected for his condo. He seemed a bit stressed about the whole situation. It's not that I'm looking to replace her but I consider it validation of our friendship that he suggested she go to a movie with a friend while he was at the game with me. It was nice to feel like somebody wanted my company. Especially because I thought he would just disappear from my life post-wedding. Plus, the Raps won! Who knew they could do that??

It was also just nice to sit and watch the game with a man. There, I said it. It's so anti-feminist but it was comfortable.