I find myself mentally making lists of all the things that could have gone wrong during and since that weekend in Montreal:
I said something heinous.
I did something heinous.
I wasn't fun enough.
I wasn't funny enough.
I wasn't well-dressed enough.
I didn't pretend to have a good time when I wasn't feeling well.
I got upset when he started to be distant with me.
I was too clingy.
I was too honest.
I didn't stroke his ego enough.
I wasn't bitchy enough.
I was too bitchy.
I don't make enough money.
I pay too much rent.
I paid too much attention to him.
I sent him too many emails.
We didn't have enough sex.
The sex wasn't good enough.
His friend/sister said that she didn't like me.
He got bored.
He got scared.
He met someone.
He got back together with his ex.
Okay, I realize I will never know but making the list makes me feel better.
Today we had a St Paddy's day party at the office. I grabbed a glass of white wine but I didn't have time to drink it before I went to the gym. So I dumped it into my travel mug and brought it home. How terrible is that?? Anyway, I'm going to finish it off and go to bed.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
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2 comments:
This is exactly how I felt after the incident with the 29YO. You don't have any answers, and your mind can't help casting about, looking for something that makes sense. But ultimately, nothing does.
The really sad thing on my part is every blow-off or bad date since then? I find myself going through the same list... about her. But only briefly, then I move on...
I have been reading your blog for a while now, and have to say this post resonates with me beyond words can describe, esp. today. Thanks for sharing the misery (sometimes we need to be reminded that we are not alone when our hearts are broken)...
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