Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Friendship and responsibility

There are some people with whom my friendship has become more of a responsibility than a pleasure. That is to say, it's not that I don't enjoy their company. I do, but not as much as I used to. And not as much as I enjoy spending time with other friends.

One of my friends is getting married in two weeks. She asked me to MC the wedding. I'm happy to do it because it will be fun and I think that I can help make her day memorable. At least, I certainly hope that I can. I'm jointly MCing with one of my bestest friends ever. Piglet's mom. The three of us graduated from the same undergraduate program. Four of us went to lunch today at the wedding location. The bride and her mom, me and Piglet's mom. It's going to be a very non-traditional casual wedding. That's fine. It will be short and sweet, the food will be good, there is an open-bar and it's close to my place so I can walk.

But overall, I'm not really sure that the atmosphere was very wedding-ey. The bride seems happy enough. That is to say, she's not an overly effusive or joyous person but she seems genuinely excited about her wedding. Notice I said "her" wedding not "their" wedding.

I've never spoken to the groom, they haven't been together for very long and she doesn't seem to like him very much. And he's not that interested in the wedding details. Or maybe she's purposely excluding him from the arrangements. Piglet's mom asked me today if I thought that was the case but I really don't know. I mean, I'm a control freak so I can see myself behaving similarly. But then, I wouldn't marry a man who was incapable of paying at least as much attention to detail as myself. B is definitely the woman in our relationship.

I think I got off-track a little bit. I was trying to say that my relationship with the bride has changed slightly. Maybe I perceive it and she doesn't. I certainly don't want her to think that I don't value her as much anymore. But I have to be honest here (because, let's face it, why wouldn't I?) and admit that I don't necessarily trust her judgement and I doubt that I would ask her to be heavily involved in my wedding plans.

I guess some relationships are more equal than others. And the longer you know someone, the more likely it is to change. Especially as people grow out of their 20s. But I don't necessarily think that this wedding is right. I've asked her, and she has told me, that she is happy. But something doesn't ring true. Maybe if it did, maybe if I knew something about the man she will marry in two weeks, I wouldn't be quite so emotionally distanced from the wedding.

I was a bridesmaid for Piglet's mom and that was one of the happiest, most wonderful weddings I have ever been to. I still look back on it with a lot of joy and they are two of my best friends. I love just hanging out at their place and often have to tear myself away reluctantly. I miss her during the week. I chat on MSN to her husband. And today she and I sent 25 emails back and forth between 2 pm and 5 pm, while we were both busy working. I even shopped online for maternity dresses for her for the wedding. She's like my family. The bride... I don't know. She's one of my oldest friends (now that I no longer live in the country in which I grew up) and I'm always completely honest with her. But I don't feel the same kind of attachment as I do with Piglet's mom.

It didn't help today that she mentioned an eligible friend of the groom as a prospect for me. Then when I reminded her I was taken, she said "no you're not". "Yes, I am." "No you're not!"

Yes, I am.

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