Sunday, March 18, 2007

Can't sleep for worrying

One of our friends insisted on picking up X at the airport. Let's call this friend John. John has always been somewhat pushy and insensitive. But I can never stay mad at him. So I'm sitting here stewing that he has taken away the one thing I could have done to help X right now. I doubt I'll ever tell him that. Instead, I'll just meet them at the airport, give X a hug and send a card home to his mother so that she knows I'm thinking of them everyday. Like now, when I should be lying in bed imagining B spooning me to help me fall asleep. Instead I think of X's dad, lying in that hospital room with a bedpan, unable to sit up, disoriented with a long battle of chemo and physio and dependency ahead. It just breaks my heart.

This the card I just wrote to X's mother...

I've never been very good at articulating myself so I just wanted to write you this quick card to tell you that, even though I have never officially been part of your family, all of you have always meant a great deal to me, sometimes even more than my own family. I don't think I have ever told you that I never understand the importance of family until I spent my first Thanksgiving at your house. So, even if I'm not around or able to actually help, I'll be here thinking and worrying and waiting and hoping right along with you.

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