Blarf

It's Wednesday. C le V is coming home today. He has many long flights but hopefully I will get to talk to him in less than 48 hours. I'm excited about this weekend but also very nervous. What if it's awful? What if we're weird and awkward around each other? What if I'm going all the way there just to have him dump me? What if he does that on Friday night and I have to mope around the city all by myself all weekend? Or sleep on his couch and end up with a crick in my neck and a back spasm and unable to walk? What if we run out of things to talk about, or if we fool around and there's no chemistry or I say something really stupid and he decides he hates me? I'm so nervous I could puke.

I know, I'm being completely neurotic. But the other option is to be so excited that my expectations are totally unrealistic and I come home feeling "meh". Either way, I'm bound to fail. Relationship fail.

I'm a lot better at this pessimism thing than optimism. Which is good, because hope has always disappointed me in the past.

Okay, I'm feeling better now. Thanks.