Satisfied

I just had the most sex I have ever had with one person. I went over to Grey's last night. We were supposed to do dinner and a movie but he had a wedding and I had a housewarming so we were playing it by ear. It was late and I had a feeling he would call and ask to postpone til tonight. But he called at 10 and I was over there by 11. He was actually sending me emails all afternoon but I was out and didn't get them til this morning. But more on that later.

When I got there, he poured himself a scotch and cracked a beer open for me and then gave me the biggest hug. It felt so good. And I had been planning to tell him that I was glad we could still do this so I did. I think he appreciated that. We didn’t make it out of the hallway before he had my clothes off. I love kissing him. He’s so affectionate and passionate. But he also likes it rough which is fine with me. I think I actually prefer it from behind. We started off in the kitchen/hallway, then moved to the couch, then the ottoman, then his wing chair. And finally, after the beer had kicked in, we did it up against the windows looking out onto the highway. The lights were off so I doubt anyone without a telescope and night-vision could see us. But it was still a turn-on. One more thing to cross off my list.

We finally went to bed well after midnight. And then we had sex again this morning. He had an orgasm for the first time in a long time so that made me really happy, despite my not having one. I’m covered in scratches and I’m sore. My hips hurt too much to even work out today. I think I’m completely satisfied by the way things turned out. It felt so comfortable spooning with him. I don’t think I slept much but that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make occasionally. We actually fit perfectly together and that makes me feel so safe and relaxed. And dim sum this morning was delicious. And then, to top all that off, I came home and read his emails. Those made me smile. It was nice to know that he was thinking about me yesterday.

I still think that I’m in love with him and would welcome more than the occasional night together but I accept that I can't expect anything from him. Right now, it's enough for me that we can still have a good time because I thought, at one point, that I had lost everything. I'm not big on hoping for more, mostly because I am really bad at disappointment. So I think I'll just continue to work with zero expectations for now. Perhaps in the future I will decide that I deserve "better" and get angry or upset or whatever. But today I'm okay. In fact, I’m more than okay. I’m happy.