Numb

I logged in to blog and realized I had no words. So I logged out. Then I realized I'm numb. I feel like I'm suspended in time and space. Like everything else is swirling around me but I am motionless. Nothing touches me. Even the usual exquisite agony of missing Grey seems to be dulled. Is this my heart healing itself? Or is my body just so exhausted that my mind is shutting down? I'm going to lie on the floor in the living room. In the dark. With Usher and Young Jeezy singing some meaningless song about Love in this Club.

It didn't work. I thought about some of the moments in all of my meaningful relationships. I almost felt something a few times but it passed and the feelings evapourated. I'm probably just numb because I had a cigarette while I was driving home from dinner and it has killed everything inside. Temporarily. I should probably go to sleep while it lasts. Maybe there won't be any tears tonight.