Thursday, February 7, 2008

Just say no

I bought Grey a Valentine's card today. On the front, it says "Valentine's Day" and there's a cutout window to the inside of the card. Inside, there's a button. On the button, there's a heart with a line through it (like the No Smoking symbol) and the inside of the card says "Just Say No".

I'm not 100% sure that I'll give it to him yet. I bought the card with the intention of giving it to him but I like it enough to keep it for myself. The button specifically.

The friend that introduced us invited me out to drinks with some of her other coworkers this Friday. I'd like to go but I'm not sure if I'm up for it right now. On the one hand, I will likely meet some interesting people. On the other hand, it's snowy and cold out there and I hate arriving alone. Plus, what if Grey somehow ends up there? I'm not sure I would be able to handle that. I guess I should ask myself why I think it's a good idea to send him a Valentine then.

[1.05 AM, February 10, 2008]
Update: He wasn't there. It wasn't a large group. And we ended up at a difficult location. The place where Grey and I "got back together" after the other woman hiatus and right after I broke up with B. The night before I wrote this blog entry. I couldn't help missing him most of the time. Remembering the things that happened the last time I was there. Remembering how happy I felt after that night. I feel stupid. He probably doesn't even think about me anymore. Meanwhile I'm exhausted all the time with missing him. How do I break out of this cycle? Some people might say "find someone new" but I don't want anyone else. I want Grey.

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