Thursday, January 24, 2008

Reasons not to have sex with Grey

I am slowly crafting a Valentine to Grey. I will not call him or email him until I send the card. And probably not after that either, especially if he doesn't respond. Not that I expect a response. I just feel an overwhelming need to tell him that I'm in love with him.

I also feel the need to make a list of reasons not to have sex with him.

Other than the obvious reasons...
1. I can no longer expect him to be monogamous.
2. It will probably be painful for me.
3. If it sucks, I will end up feeling like shit.
4. If it's great, I will probably still end up feeling like shit. It will just take longer.
5. I will set myself back and it will be worse than the first time around. And the second.
6. I will feel obligated to leave afterwards. When what I really want is to wake up with him, have him cook breakfast, then smoke a j and watch a movie on his couch.
7. I don't think it's a "one last time" thing for me. But it might be for him. And that would break my heart all over again.
8. The rules are that I have to pretend not to want it, right?
9. I don't want to lose him forever. And it's easier to be friends without the sex, right?
10. If I cave in and agree to this, I will have to drive over there, get a visitor's parking pass, walk to the elevator and ride up 20 floors with him. In that time, I am likely to get nervous and behave neurotically, if I don't actually freak out completely and bolt.

Why do I still want to have sex with him?

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