Ohhhhhh

The new guy and I went out for lunch today. Just the two of us. It was fun. I like him. Yes, yes, red flags danger klaxon sirens! I am stupid. Apparently advanced degrees in science/engineering/management do not qualify you (or just me) to know when a boy likes me. All day I was thinking he was just being friendly. Not so much as of right now. Here is our fb conversation:

New guy 29 September at 13:36
I see you're very pride of your [grad school] connection, LOL!

I think it is funny that you're 12 feet away from me and I am e-mailing you.

Me 29 September at 17:36
You're so silly. You'll have to tell me what you can see now that I have replied to your message. I don't usually fb at work but I can read messages when I get the email notification. See you tomorrow :)

New guy 29 September at 18:02
I can't see anything. If you don't add me, we're in a fight.

Me 29 September at 23:24
Lol you're so full of it Mr Politician! I know that some of my photo albums are publicly available. Anyway, I can totally take you...

New guy 29 September at 23:33
Listen smart ass, NONE of your albums are available. And now we ARE in a fight....you better add me!

Me 29 September at 23:43
Hmm, maybe they're restricted for luddites. Since we are in a fight, I look forward to kicking your ass tomorrow morning. Right after my pumpkin spice latte. I have a mean left hook! Good night [new guy].

New guy 29 September at 23:44 Report
I am going to buy two lattes, one to drink and one to throw on you.

Me 29 September at 23:50
That is a terrible waste of a good latte! Shocking. I'm glad we're not fb friends :p

New guy 29 September at 23:51 Report
I can't believe you won't add me...and after all these weeks of me flirting with you you diss me this hard!

Me 30 September at 00:03
Flirting?! I thought you were just recruiting me to assist you with your plan for world domination. Anyway, didn't I just meet you like last week? I don't let people in just like that, you know. You'll have to work harder. I'm really going to bed now. Pjs on and book in hand.

Here are my photos. Mini-truce?

I feel good

But I didn't know that I would. Duh na na na na na nah! Sorry Mr James Brown :)

Really, this coming home from work and not doing anything is really awesome! This evening, after I got home from belly dance class, I poured myself a glass of "milk" (it's actually that Oat Dream stuff that sucks) and thought, "huh, I don't have to do anything now!" Yeah, that was a pretty good feeling.

On Sunday, I went camera shopping with Piglet's dad and it was fun. Although my brain is now officially overwhelmed with apertures and f-stops and shutter speeds and ISO. I have got some learning to do. I'm leaning towards the D90 but haven't totally ruled out the T1i because it's smaller. I prefer having all the manual controls at my fingertips though which is why I'm willing to risk wrist strain (say that out loud three times) for convenience.

Now, I know there is at least one photographer reading this. Anyone care to weigh in? It's a graduation gift from my parents so I'm hoping that they will also spring for an 18-200 mm lens, a wideangle lens (yeah it's a lot to ask for) and accessories like a bag and a bigger SD card.

Is it Friday yet??

I am not loving this whole working 5 days a week thing. I handed my thesis in for binding today and I am thoroughly relieved about that. I also hate my job right now so I applied for a better one this morning, which coincidentally is in the same building as the graduate school. Completely unrelated though.

I have a few plans this weekend so that's nice. Nothing tomorrow night, but I have no doubt that will change. Or, if not, I can entertain myself at home by scrubbing floors and dusting and vacuuming. Saturday morning pilates and run. Saturday afternoon newspaper. Saturday evening drinks and dessert at a friend's place. Sunday afternoon D-SLR window-shopping (did I mention that my parents offered to buy me one as a graduation gift? Yay me :) with Piglet and parents. I haven't seen them for ages. Then I think I might be having dinner with A's parents on Sunday night. I hope so because I haven't seen them - or been fed by her mother - for some time.

Other than having to go to work every day, this thesis-free lifestyle suits me just fine.

Oh yeah, new guy update: he set off my gay-dar today when he was telling me about his great blue pin-striped suit. Douchebag's jealousy could very well be misplaced.

Stuck in my sports bra again

Hey, why does the gym have to be such stinkin' hard work? Don't get me wrong, when I do failure sets on the pull-up machine thingy, it feels pretty damn good. But man, I am just too exhausted by the time I have walked home (carrying my gym bag and the laptop and a bag of groceries) to pull my sports bra up over my head. I'm going to invent some sort of alternative. I envision that it will have cups which somehow fasten over your shoulders and then sorta down around your hips or something. Wait, have I just created the Borat bathing suit? Ew. Never mind. I better go back to the couch before I actually hurt myself.

Oh ya, there's one other thing. There's this new guy at work who is totally friendly and cute and personable and well-dressed and comes to visit me every day (okay he doesn't have to go far because he's in the office across the aisle). However, I totally have a crush on him. Yes, I realize this means he is probably a gigantic jerk but whatever. I can still have a crush, right? Right. So check out this email that douchebag sent me today, subject was "FYI"...

I went to lunch with L, V, and that new guy from your floor. So we were all talking and he said something about how he loves seeing you in the morning because you are so ‘gorgeous’ or some crap like that. I was totally about to pop him one for saying it. What a jerk eh?! I can’t believe he’d say that. LOL..

Okay – I am kind of jealous – but felt like telling you anyway.

PS. All of that [confidential work stuff] crap flared up and went down. And who said ‘it was nothing’ about a month ago? You did – and then I did..and now I get to look like a mr. schmarty pants. Thanks.

Two things which totally crack me up: First, I can't believe he's sucking up to me now. And two, how crazy that he's calling this new guy a jerk?

You know what I think is cute though? The new guy came to see me after lunch and told me that some people were talking about me, specifically my fabulous taste in shoes. Le sigh... Now, everyone knows that I have great shoes but few people know that the way to this woman's heart is through her shoes. Major brownie points for new guy. I look forward to an exciting (short-term) future of harmless office flirtation.

Productive weekend

I had a really good weekend. By the time 5 pm rolled around on Friday, I had zero plans and a full weekend of nothing ahead of me. I purposely didn't schedule anything because my life has felt so overscheduled and crazy busy recently. I just wanted some me time. Time at home to unwind and rest and settle down to yet another fall in this city.

My token male grad student friend (who happens to also be gay) ended up inviting me over for a BBQ just before I left the office and it ended up being a truly entertaining evening. How come gay men are so much more interesting to talk to than straight men? Also, his friends are super cute so that didn't hurt either.

On Saturday I literally lay on the couch all day and watched TV. I did leave the house twice. Once to visit with my septuagenarian friends who left for India today and may not return to Canada. The second time to pick up the paper.

Today, I met my belly dance teacher for brunch and did a bit of shopping on Queen Street. There are a ton of sales on right now, I guess in preparation for Christmas inventory. I bought three serving platters from Urban Barn and then went next door to a furniture store and bought a stool which I have been searching for for ages.


It looks like this but is standard chair height. My dining table is small so I wanted something I could stow under it and just pull out when I have an extra person over.

Speaking of which, MFV is coming to visit in two weeks on his way to Morocco. I'm nervous and excited to see him after 3 years and worried that my expectations (which I can't quite seem to define, even in my head) are too high.

And, for good measure, an update on my Shawshank list:

1. Read the paper -- check!
2. Make dim sum
3. Go to the gym -- check!
4. Go to the library -- check!
5. Go to my favourite restaurant in Little Italy
6. Clean apartment -- check!
7. Purge stuff in "office"
8. Sell microwave
9. Sell U2 tickets -- check!
10. Go to the movies (at least two)
11. Start watching Entourage
12. Lie on the grass - it's getting too cold for this :(
13. Look into fall classes (culinary, photography, Italian)
14. Watch documentaries and nap -- check!
15. Take new drug plan info to pharmacy (yes, boring but it needs to be done)

U2

Without a doubt the best concert I have ever been to.

Honey, I'm home!

Mexico was stinkin' HOT! It took me a couple of days on the beach to stop twitching with anxiety that I wasn't being productive. But I eventually settled in and now I have the tan lines to prove that I was not sitting at my desk for 8 days :) I am planning on writing a bit more but right now I have a lot to do. I have to put on my pjs, bake some brownies, lie on the couch, watch me some TV and then eat said brownies with a tall glass of cold (lactose-free) milk. As you can see, I have a very busy evening ahead of me.

1 more sleep!

Mexico tomorrow :) Yay sun, sand, surf and tequila. My plans include reading, napping, eating, drinking, going in the ocean and possibly trips to Playa del Carmen and Cozumel. Maybe some snorkeling if I don't get scared off by a school of fish. I still have to pack and tidy the house and take out garbage. I just need to write down that I had the most awesome day today. I went to the gym for pilates class and a run (check those off the Shawshank list), then spent the rest of the afternoon at the Toronto Island Marina on a boat drinking and eating and meeting new people. So relaxing. Also, I had a puff of a j and then a hit off a plastic water bottle bong with Pink Dress so that's a new one for our friendship. The funny part is that we were hanging out with 50+ year olds and the bong was a gift from a 16-year old grandchild! I want to be that kind of grandma. Okay, must pack and such before bed. If you hear horror stories about four female Canadian grad students getting kidnapped, murdered and chopped into tiny pieces... well I guess that will out me!

I need some advice

I had dinner with Pink Dress today and her car died when she arrived at my place. She phoned her mechanic and invited him to dinner with us. This is the same guy that called me chubby and blonde last October.

I thought I could pretend to be fine for a couple of hours but I don't think I can ever spend time with both of them together again. I'm still really hurt by what he said and he set me back light years with those comments. I know that he means nothing to me and I should just discard his opinion but I just can't get his words out of my head. I was so self-conscious of everything I ate at dinner tonight that I couldn't finish my meal.

I'm not sure if I should tell Pink Dress that I don't ever want to see him again or just forget it. The worst part is that she seems to think that he has a thing for me and there is no way in hell that I can purposely spend time with someone whose mere presence reinforces my neuroses about my low self-esteem and weight and food issues. Am I being insane?

Update: Grey, our mutual friend and MFV all told me I should tell her so I just sent her this email.

Okay, I don't know how to say this so I'm just going to come right out with it.

I know the mechanic is your good friend but I can't hang out with him again. When you said you had invited him to dinner, I thought I would be fine with it but it turns out I'm still not over him calling me chubby and blonde last October. I realize these are my neuroses and he probably had no idea that he would touch on such a sensitive issue. I'm sorry, I know he's good to you. But I really have to assert myself on this one. I was really uncomfortable last night and that makes me unhappy because I was looking forward to catching up with you. Do-over on Saturday?

Quiet time

I took a sick day today. I'm sure, if you read my previous post, you are unsurprised. But I feel much better for having stayed home not doing anything all day except wonder whether my landlady has been paying for cable for 3 years which I have not been getting. I digress. I had a very quiet day. I worked for a bit in the morning but had to go back to bed. I was sitting here at my desk with the heater on, wrapped in a blanket, shivering. Serves me right, I know. But I woke up in the afternoon carrying around a heavy lethargy. I slowly started feeling normal in the evening, even lonely and pathetic for missing my thesis, and I hope this will be the end of the thesis defense exhaustion. I don't know, maybe it will take a bit longer.

Did I mention already that I'm going to Mexico for a week on Sunday? Oh yes, lithe 25-year old bikini bodies. I'm also concerned about spending that much time with people. I'm used to being alone. I'm used to making autonomous decisions and then changing my mind and nobody being the wiser. I hope it will be a fun, relaxing girls trip. And, most of all, I hope I don't return wishing that I had booked a solo trip to Jamaica.