Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Trying to be rational

I just remembered something. Just over a year ago, I asked Grey if he was going to change his facebook relationship status. He freaked out.

I was somewhat distracted today so I made a list at work. I wrote it as an email to Grey. Because I'm nuts like that. I have decided to share it here. Because it's my blog and someone has to read it.

So, I was thinking about the "meeting" you have scheduled for us on Sunday morning and I thought it might be more productive if I put some thoughts down on paper so we can think about them ahead of time. Yes, I'm anal retentive and it reads like an agenda with discussion items. I will print it out and bring you your own copy. Because I'm eccentric like that.

Discussion item 1: What does a normal relationship mean to you?
(i) Making plans for evenings/weekends with each other
(ii) Going out together in public on dates
(iii) Doing things with our friends (even if we don't like each other's friends)
(iv) Meeting the family (only when necessary on holidays and when they come to town)
(v) Talking and listening; discovering what we have in common
(vi) Laughing; trying to make the other person feel good
(vii) Wanting to be around for a while (not trying to kill yourself)
(viii) Taking care of each other's health
(ix) Not dating/sleeping with other people
(x) Working through problems together
(xi) Doing things you don't like because the other person enjoys them and pretending you are having fun
(xii) Being affectionate
(xiii) Traveling together
(xiv) Not yelling unless the other person is about to get hit by a car
(xv) Putting aside history/baggage to take a risk on something you want.

Discussion item 2: What I want from a relationship
A dog, a house, a garden, a life lived together not separately as strangers; someone who wants to be with me, to talk to me, to make me laugh

Discussion item 3: Things about Grey that I worry won't change.
a. Fear - of the unknown; loss of control; me reflecting badly on him
b. Pushing me away by saying hurtful things
c. Smoking - both kinds
d. Working on weekends
3. Partying - am I supposed to wait at home and provide pick up service when Grey is out with other girls?

Discussion item 4: What happens to me when Grey (Mr. I'm Not In Love With You) when he finds "The One" and falls in love with her?

Discussion item 5: What happens to me (and our dogs) when Grey gets lung cancer or liver cancer or heart failure or whatever and dies in 15 years?

Also, I thought it was worth resurrecting this flow chart to see if your approach to it has changed in the last 12 months. See attached.

I will have to give notice on Sunday afternoon as it is Feb 1. That means I have to phone my landlady in the afternoon sometime. Please don't let me forget.


Awkward, for you said...

i feel that list is quite rational. Why are boys so stupid?
Good luck on Sunday! I hope Grey isn't a jock because it's Superbowl Sunday. I hope he doesn't get distracted by that.

My thoughts will be with you. :)

Asshat said...

I was with you right up to the dog and the garden. You lost me when you got to the estate planning issues. Seriously, that flow chart is over the top.

Would you consider trimming back the discussion agenda a little? After all, it's only dim sum. To get beyond numeral X, you'd need a 16 course state dinner. You can always schedule a follow-up summit conference.

Anonymous said...

I kinda like the list idea; at least you explain your feelings about the whole situation out on paper (vs. all the women who don't say anything, expect the guy to guess, and get mad at him when he gets it wrong). Just be sure not to be too rigid about the discussion topics when you actually meet. After all, it's the general theme that's most important here, not all the finer points...

Elusive Butterfly said...

To be honest, I doubt I will even share the list with him. I'm not even sure we'll end up talking. I have a funny feeling that he will chicken out. Which will be so very disappointing but will leave my conscience clear about C le V. Relationships are so hard.