Saturday, January 31, 2009


A couple of nights ago, I told C le V that I didn't know if it was a good idea if we should talk every day. He agreed that we shouldn't settle into something de facto just because. And I told him he wasn't supposed to agree with me. He made me laugh when he asked me to hang on while he turned the lights on because he couldn't read the lines I had written him.

When I woke up the following morning, I told him that it was a moment of temporary insanity because I couldn't figure out my rationale. That talking to him is like a hit of crack and I need it daily. But I remembered again tonight. I raced home from an evening out to maybe catch him before he went to bed. No joy. His phone was off by the time I tried calling. And now I feel empty and unmotivated, despite having a mountain of work to get through this evening.

I really wanted to talk to him before dim sum with Grey tomorrow morning. I can't explain why. I haven't even told him that I'm having dim sum (or issues ending things) with Grey.

I'm almost hoping that Grey chickens out of the talk. Oh well, nothing I can do about it until it happens. I smell like Korean bbq. I'm going to do some work now, in case I'm a mess tomorrow. Which is likely. Very.

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