Sob

Yup, flunked it. There was the usual post-mortem after the exam, with the unusual aspect of having the prof there to confirm that I totally screwed up one question that I was SURE was right. I figure I probably got 20 out of 30 marks which translates to a 1.67 GPA. I need to get a 2.67 in the course, and maintain a 3.67 average overall (out of a possible 5) to keep my scholarship. I have a month left to decide to drop the course. My supervisor is going to have a cow. I started the term with 4 (one more than a full load) and, if I drop this, I'll be down to 1. But I can't afford to go to school if I don't have my scholarship.

The thing is, this type of performance is quite unusual for me. I usually screw up when I'm slacking off. But this exam, I just had no idea. Even though I went to see the prof for help. Even though I went over all the questions three times. Even though I was explaining stuff to other people in the course. I'm not usually just totally fucking stupid. Normally, I'm lazy and self-destructive and that translates into bad marks. This one though, different. Stupid.

There were two questions that I spent altogether an hour and 20 minutes looking over. I just had no idea how to even start them. There was one, worth 4.5 marks, that looked really easy but I thought "no way, it can't be that simple" so I took some logs and came out with a totally different answer. Turns out the first one was right.

The other question, no idea how people got the answer. Mine was just pulled out of my ass. So, yeah. Studying probably wouldn't have helped me on this one.

I'm going to bed with a box of Kleenex and a fantasy of a sharp knife in a hot shower. I would drink but I can't stop crying and snotty beer is even more gross than beer by itself.