It's Complicated

I highly recommend that movie. I haven't laughed so hard in a very, very long time. And it made me think about past and future relationships and why we choose to be with the people that we're with.

Finance guy said I could call him when the movie was done so I wouldn't have to walk home alone. But when I phoned him on the walk home, he didn't answer. He rarely answers his phone when I call him. I'm starting to take it personally. It feels as though he is hiding something. Maybe me, from everyone else in his life.

Then I phoned MFV but he was heading to the movies with his little sister and couldn't talk. That's when I felt really alone.

I walked home alone in the cold. It was very quiet, snowing. And I cried.

New Years Resolution

This year I have decided to be more circumspect with my verbal communication. I intend to finish my sentences and choose my words more precisely. This means slowing down (take a page from the Barack Obama interview guide!) and being more mindful of the words coming out of my brain and into the world via my mouth... which sometimes has a tendency to lag behind my thoughts to the detriment of everyone around me.

Also, I will be turning 40 in 8 years and I am going to create a list of 8 Things to Do Before I Turn 40. I haven't thought of everything yet but I figure I don't have to decide today. Here is the beginning of my list:

1. Perform on stage. This will likely be either dance or acting. The thought freaks me out but I'll get there eventually.
2. Learn a language... and then use it in that country. I'm thinking Italian at the moment.
3. Discipline and love another creature. I'm thinking puppy but I suppose I might accidentally get pregnant and have a little MiniMsB.
4. See my photo on a wall. Not my own wall.
5. Live in another country. I have my sights set on Melbourne, Australia in 2011.
...

Got any New Year's Resolutions you would like to share?

I almost dated Jesus

So, apparently, when you date an almost 40-year old Spanish Catholic man who was born on Christmas Day and whose name is Jesus, you don't get to see him that day because his parents won't let him come out and play. Apparently, this also means that you wake up on Boxing Day with no desire to fool around with him anymore.

It's a good thing I still have Don Draper and Robert Langdon to get me through the rest of the holidays!

Scrooge

Ah crap, it's Christmas eve again. I have plans this year. They include smoked salmon and saucy sangria jelly and brownies from a tube and jalapeno gouda. The fridge is quite full, which is unheard of around these parts. My goal for the holidays was to lose some weight, which has apparently happened out of sheer misery at work. But I am going to have to medicate myself through the next four days. I might even work on Monday, just to prevent me from hurting myself. Actually, no it won't be that bad because I was really proactive about making sure I have enough shows recorded and the new Dan Brown book as a bedtime backup plan.

As for the new guy update, I can't tell if it was the Prosecco or something else but there was much more chemistry last night than I anticipated. He brought dinner and a moovie. The Hangover is terrible but I laughed despite myself. And then he stayed til some ridiculous hour. Good thing today was a half day at the office.

This was his email in response to our phone call.

Thanks for calling....we're slowly running out of things to talk about...this phone call only lasted 2 hours and 10 minutes ;-0
but as usual, it was great chatting with you. I can't wait to see your new hair cut....but more importantly...I can wait to see you again!!
I'm going to steal a line from you and say, "you're almost tolerable"...but I know you know that what I'm really saying is, I'm really into you...i like you :-)

Less chaste kisses?

We talked for over 2 hours this evening. I was thinking it would be 15 or 20 minutes tops but it just went on and on foreverandever.

I'm seeing him tomorrow but we don't have actual plans. Probably dinner and copious quantities of alcohol. He asked me, "what if I hadn't asked if I could kiss you in the elevator?" I'm not sure where that conversation was going but somehow I ended up saying, "next time I'll say no". And he said, "next time I won't ask".

Ho hum...

Date number 3...

...lasted 7 hours. 7! And there was no hanky panky! Well, there was a very chaste, politely requested, elevator kiss. But that was it. I know, crazy right?

We went for brunch and then went to a movie and then he came over and we watched one and half episodes of Mad Men and that somehow lasted from 12.30 pm to 7.30 pm. I'm shaking my head right now.

It's weird to spend that long being polite to someone new but, for the most part, it was comfortable. He smells nice (bonus!) and is soft-spoken and well-dressed and rather sweet. I don't know what to do with him! Ha.

Seriously though, we probably spent a couple of hours at brunch just people-watching and chatting. Then we killed some time before the movie. Actually, we probably sat for an hour drinking a bottle of wine (woo hoo Varsity's new VIP movie area rocks!) and talking about random crap. We watched Up in the Air which was very good but also very unexpected. And then he basically invited himself over to watch Mad Men (his DVDs so it was okay really) and then planted himself in my IKEA chair so that I could have the couch and the blanket.

He acknowledged in his post-date email that we could have shared the couch and I suggested that he be *slightly* less polite in future; perhaps take a lesson or two from Mad Men ;)

Date number 2

At least, I think it was a date. It was just drinks and, in fact, I only had one pear cider. We closed the place down. Again! I talked a lot. I really must stop doing that. I know next to nothing about him. "Date" number 3 is on Sunday. Brunch and a moovie. I'm looking forward to it.

I can't explain why I like this guy. Maybe because he has been my therapist this week! He is a great listener, and not just because he lets me go on at length. Because he really seems to be paying attention.

Also, he seems nice. And I'm ready for nice. Really ready. I need a hug and for someone to hold me up and tell me everything is going to be okay.

Epilogue

Warning: I yam drunk.

Remember finance guy? Well, I *like* him. Warning bells! Danger! DANGER!

The Universe has a fucked up sense of humour. Why, Universe? WHY??

We went for dinner. He let me talk. I was superemotional today and I just needed to talk. And he listened. He really seemed to be paying attention. Literally, as soon as I got upstairs (fine, I will admit that I needed a cigarette after all the post-leaving announcement BS), I had an email from him.

Thanks for agreeing to go out with me and the very fun evening. I would go with you tomorrow. The problem is I'd want to spend just as much time with you as tonight. Hopefully I made enough of a positive impact that the 'other suits' will pale by comparison. ;). Have a great evening. Btw, you looked stunning. Let me know if I'll have the pleasure of your company sometime soon.

What a cheeseball. The thing is, it's kinda nice that he's cheesy. We talked a lot. Oh wait, I already said that. I'm drunk. I want to see him again.

FTW? Why, Universe?? Gah.

Delayed reaction

I got to thinking, if MFV has pictured our life down the road, far enough in the distant future to imagine us trying to have kids, maybe I should do that too. And I came up with a response. Admittedly, extremely delayed.

So I texted him, "we could always adopt?"

He lol'd :)

Evolution got derailed somewhere...

MFV thought it was necessary to have "the talk" with me just as I was going to sleep last night. Now, he is considerably younger than me and I don't expect him to know what he wants, be decisive or make a commitment. He is, after all, a man. He told me at 2 am that (i) he is the way he is (commentary: uh yeah, duh, I can accept that); (ii) he is a commitment-phobe and cannot make a commitment the way that I expect to be committed to (thought: uh yeah, we're not even dating, let alone "together"); (iii) he is not ready to have kids but, in several years, when he might be ready to have kids, I may be too old to have them (conclusion: way to state the obvious my dear).

It sounds as though we are perfect for each other! We'll just be BFFWB foreverandeveramen.

From this, I conclude that:
1. We are not in an exclusive relationship.
2. He can go Tiger Woods on me at any time.
3. I am free to fool around with random boys.

So, I intend to bring the new guy to his knees later tonight and beg for it. And then I'm having coffee with finance guy tomorrow just to prop up my ego.

Men, are they actually good for anything but games?? Gah.

Going West

They called today about the job offer. They wanted to offer me the contract position. I declined because I am single, have one income keeping a roof over my head and would like to buy a more permanent roof over my head before I retire. I have no-one else to rely on for benefits or financial security. So I think I made the right decision.

I plan to accept the offer to move to BC next week, as soon as they have removed the clause about a 90-day probationary period. I anticipate this will not be a problem as I have been with the company for 8 years, almost 4 of which were in BC. I hope that is not a ridiculous assumption but I suppose I will find out.

In not entirely unrelated news, I hate new grocery stores. I wish all stores (at least all stores in a chain) were laid out the same way. But they aren't. I went in to Grey's usual store (because it's open 24 hours and on the way home from Baby's house) to buy juice, soy milk, yoghurt, noodles and bagels and it took me 3 circuits around the store. There were a ton of people doing inventory but nobody offered any assistance. Truth be told, I didn't ask because they all looked stoned. And then, of course, I had to bag my own crap using the self-serve check out. Apparently, if you leave your hand in the bag while you're scanning your items, the scanner doesn't work. Supremely fucked up. I think that I might hate all grocery stores right now.

It doesn't help that my stomach is killing me. Don't know why but I should go to bed.

Second interview

I'm drunk. I had two glasses of red wine with dinner and wow did I ever need those. I got drunk and silly with my coworker, one of the grad students and my coworker's friend. He is totally my type - older, glasses geeky and in finance. Uhhh hello?! Except, she already told me he's bad in bed. So I'm getting into my bed alone tonight. As I have done for weeks. The interview went... well, fuck, I really have no idea. The veep isn't the kinda guy who cracks a smile. Me, I'm frigging permasmile when I'm in loooove. No poker face here. Oh well, wait and see, I guess. I don't really know what I want anymore. So, here in my drunkenness I'm going to disclose personal information which I probably should not post on my blog.

BC offer: $X5K, 4 weeks vacation, $5K moving allowance, promotion
This job offer match: $X3K plus 4 weeks vacation or $X5K plus 3 weeks vacation. Actually, I really want $X5K plus 4 weeks but I am certain that's not an option. I also don't want the hassle of moving back out west, even though I want to live there and I want to be closer to MFV. And my family, obviously (blarf).

Sunday morning

I'm procrastinating. On Sunday! About going out! I do this often. I just want to stay home and be spooned by my couch most of the time. Is that so much to ask? I'm a recovering grad student, after all.

Yesterday, I finally dragged my ass out of the house about 3 pm for coffee, cash and One of a Kind Show (yes, again). I want to post all of the awesome and cool things that I saw there! I know I said I would do that last week but I haven't had the energy. Maybe tonight? Ahh, who am I kidding? They will just live forever in my head and in the little pile of cards on my desk. I should find a place for those. Some great, unusual gift ideas lie in that little pile.

I spent around 3 hours at the show wandering around by myself, sampling food and buying trinkets for myself. I thought about the art that I wanted to put on my imaginary condo walls. And I decided that I'm going to wait until I have said condo and then put up some of my own photos. And one or two of MFV's. He's an incredible photographer.

I took the long way home - 2 streetcars instead of the subway. At Bathurst and Queen, I saw a woman standing, waiting for the southbound car dressed in a leopard hoodie/cape thing complete with little ears and whiskers. She was waving excitedly as we passed by. Then, a couple of blocks north of that, we passed a house with a sign in the window, "Steam baths". We have steam baths in Toronto? Apparently we do. As we passed the back of the house, two police officers were leading a large man out onto the street in handcuffs. I think that was my first arrest. Ahem, not *my* first arrest! But you know what I mean. My first time seeing one in real life. Crazy.

Then I had sushi with my toxic ex-coworker and her brother and his gf. I have decided I don't like her family that much either. Must spend less time.

And today, I'm off to the mall and the orifice, the post office and two feedings by nice Indian parents (not mine, fortunately!). While I do not object to the feedings, I could use a bit more couch time today.

My favourite things

There are three things I value about myself:

1. I can make people laugh. Not everyone all the time. But most of my friends and quite a few strangers. When it counts. And sometimes when it doesn't. Because unexpected hilarity is often the best kind.

2. I take good photos. I hesitated a moment before typing "good". But, actually, sometimes I get lucky. I have been to a couple of weddings where the couple ended up using my photos instead of (or as well as) the professional photos. The grad student who just had a baby changed her profile pic to one of the photos I took in the hospital. And she said another one that I took in the hospital made some of her husband's family cry. That's good enough for me.

3. I'm decent with Excel. This may sound ridiculous but I can colour-code spreadsheets like a maniac on the floor...

Ya, it's definitely time for bed.

Because I is a nerd

And my friends are too.

Faak

I just can't win. I heard back about the other job today. They want me in for a second interview with the veeps next week. The Universe appears to be screwing with me big time.

In entirely unrelated news, I had dinner with an old friend and her sister-in-law. Highlight of my evening was when the sister in law said, "I didn't get to talk to Ms B properly last time; she's funny!" I felt all warm and fuzzy inside. If you need context, my friend's brother asked why they included a tip line on the credit card receipt when they already added the service charge. My response? "It's for drunk people".

:)