Sunday, November 25, 2007

Verbal/emotional abuse

What I wish I could say to his face...

Even before I met you, she told me that you were a really good guy. And she has often said that you treat people well and are a respectful guy. I thought that too when I met you. What you said today was hurtful and humiliating. I don't know what you are trying to do but I think it worked. Never in my life have I been so aware that I am fuckable but not even a little bit lovable. The first time I told you that I couldn't have sex with you (when you called me to come out when you were out having dinner with Steph), you said it wasn't about the sex. When did you change your mind? It would have been decent of you to tell me instead of playing games with me. And even if it was just about sex, you haven't been very respectful towards me. I have treated you with kindness and generosity. The same way I would treat any friend. I'm not sure why you think it's okay for you to talk to me the way that you do. Or blatantly ignore me when I'm speaking to you like you. I wonder what your friends think of me when you talk to me the way you do in front of them. It isn't right. And all that crap about you not being a good guy is just plain bullshit. I don't know what your issues are and I have no idea how to deal with them. You have alternately been good to me and a jerk to me for no good reason except that I continue to let you. Clearly, nothing I can say will make you stop so I really don't know what to do now. I like you but I don't think that you like or respect me. I guess maybe you enjoy the sex more knowing that you're screwing someone you don't like? I hate myself right now for not being able to stand up to you.

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