Friday, March 19, 2010

Toronto

We made a decision today. We decided that I should accept the job in Toronto and we would try to make it work. He has applied to a couple of jobs and even bounced around the idea of a PhD. I am happy about the new job but sad to leave Vancouver again. I know I am going to be a wreck when it's time for me to leave him but I feel comforted that he cares enough to think about moving across the country so we can be together. Even if he's just lying to me to make me feel better.

On Tuesday night, we actually decided to stay in Vancouver. We flipped a coin and it came up heads. Since we're in Vancouver already, I decided that heads should be the default ie Vancouver. But it just didn't feel right. I'm not sure why. Maybe because I worked so hard for that job and then got it after so much drama and crap. It wouldn't have felt right not to take the opportunity. It didn't sit right with me and I spent all day Wednesday thinking about the woman I have become. That woman can't walk away from this job opportunity. She might be alone at 43 but she is always going to put her career over a man, especially a fledgling relationship, even though he is her BFF(WB).

So, I'm happy, if just for the moment. I am sure that it will be fleeting, if only because happiness in my life usually turns out to be elusive. But I have two weeks to enjoy our time together before I start feeling miserable and lonely again. And then the rest of my life to regret leaving him here to meet someone younger, hotter and better than me.

Always the optimist, never the butterfly.

5 comments:

Jill said...

I'm a dyed-in-the-wool Torontonian. It's the city everyone loves to hate (including locals) but it's home and it can be such fun!

Shoes, booze, Queen West, Yorkville, College Street... Bring it on! You'll have fun :)

Jill

Asshat said...

Then again, possibly you'll be the one to meet someone hotter and better and who doesn't even vomit on himself.

Ms Behaviour said...

Yes Asshat, perhaps hotter but not better. He's the only man who I trust and who can also make me laugh. Well, there's you, I suppose...

Jill, I have actually lived in Toronto for almost 15 years in total so I know I hate it already. I am going to miss Vancouver but I think this job will make it worthwhile.

itneverrainsinseattle said...

"Always a pallbearer, never a corpse."

Hey, I'm glad you know what you want (career) and have a chance to pursue it. Even better, that your BFF(WB) is considering heading out your way. That's saying something.

Tough decisions you're making, Ms. B. The Toronto you return to will not be the same as the one you left... I think your possibilities have expanded because you came out West, even if only for a little while.

That said... I'll miss the torrid affair we could have had.

Ms Behaviour said...

Well, if you move to Buffalo...