Happy Canada Day!

Things are much improved in the last few days. Turns out I'm still completely neurotic. The living room is considerably less full of boxes. And I managed to install shelves in my closets, almost all by myself! I'm pretty proud of myself for doing that. Anyway, I still need a lot of furniture and to somehow install the blinds I bought at IKEA. I would like to continue purging but it's really hard to shed all the crap that collects over 30 odd years. I wish someone would come over and throw away random boxes when I wasn't looking. I'm talking to you, Seattle.

MFV is still being awkward and distant. As far as I'm concerned, that's officially over. As for the other, I was imagining things. This week has been good. Close, comfortable, filled with doggy love. His dog. His dog that jumps on my bed when we're napping on the couch and sheds all over it. Awesome. But he has such an adorable face that I can't say no. Both dog and owner. Fingers crossed it lasts a bit longer. Just a bit longer. That's all I'm asking for.

New Years Resolution

This year I have decided to be more circumspect with my verbal communication. I intend to finish my sentences and choose my words more precisely. This means slowing down (take a page from the Barack Obama interview guide!) and being more mindful of the words coming out of my brain and into the world via my mouth... which sometimes has a tendency to lag behind my thoughts to the detriment of everyone around me.

Also, I will be turning 40 in 8 years and I am going to create a list of 8 Things to Do Before I Turn 40. I haven't thought of everything yet but I figure I don't have to decide today. Here is the beginning of my list:

1. Perform on stage. This will likely be either dance or acting. The thought freaks me out but I'll get there eventually.
2. Learn a language... and then use it in that country. I'm thinking Italian at the moment.
3. Discipline and love another creature. I'm thinking puppy but I suppose I might accidentally get pregnant and have a little MiniMsB.
4. See my photo on a wall. Not my own wall.
5. Live in another country. I have my sights set on Melbourne, Australia in 2011.
...

Got any New Year's Resolutions you would like to share?

Weekend stuff

Life has returned to regular programming, post-Convocation. Friday night was blustery and cold and raining cats and dogs. I bought a used lens from a guy off craigslist and then went for sushi and coffee with an ex-coworker. Saturday morning, I attempted to go the gym but was foiled because pilates was cancelled and I didn't have my running shoes or mp3 player (I'm the last person on the planet without an iPod) so I went to dim sum with my parents and the septuagenarians kids and newly adopted grandbaby. Then I baked some hazelnut butter crisp cookies and saw Charlie (his mom's birthday) and proceeded to get fat on condensed milk toast with the girls. And today was brunch at Tequila Bookworm, met a briard in the park, bizarre bazaar and Cirque du Soleil.

If you can see the show in Toronto, you should go. It's called oVo. It's my new favourite. It was as good as an orgasm. So remember, o for orgasm and oVo. In fact, it was better than an orgasm because I went with a girlfriend whose company I actually enjoy and we both went home with orgasms :) So.good. oVo, people. You should go.

Withdrawal

I have puppy love withdrawal. I missed him before I even left. We spent the day with my buddy and his mom's dog and it wiped us all out. I was sad to come home tonight. I got all misty in the car. Okay, I'm lying. I cried. Gah.

My first husband

I left the dog with the other wheatens today and went with my friend to have dinner with her brother and his girlfriend at Fionn McCool's on the Esplanade. While there, my friend struck up a conversation with an Irish man at the next table. At the end of the night, just as we were leaving to get the dogs, he announced to his table of friends that I was his second wife. I just didn't know it yet. It was funny. He is a 54 year old detective in the "interesting" and busiest part of Toronto. I have nothing in common with him. In fact, my friend and he had much more in common: a love of Irish history, music and trivia. But it was nice to have an older man tell me that I am lovely :)

More puppy crap

We walked and played a lot today. Slinky came by to play too. We went to the park and threw the ball around and almost played with the other dogs. There were a lot more dogs today than there were yesterday. And then we walked to the grocery store and Slinky bought dinner and then we came home and she cooked me dinner! It was great. Puppy is finally tired so I think I'm doing something right. Although he has been very poopy the last couple of days. I'm not sure if it's all the twigs he has been chewing on in the park. Even when I throw his ball, he goes running for it but then finds a branch and pounces on that instead. At least he's having fun. I feel bad that he's so matted and dirty. I'm tempted to take him to the groomer so that we don't have to deal with his scruffiness and smelliness for the next three days. But that stuff is not cheap. Anyway, it's so great to see big good looking men with cute little dogs. There was one guy with a tiny little boxer puppy. Man, was she ever cute. She had his eyes :)

Tired puppy

I am one tired puppy! The dog seems pretty tired too. I took him to the off-leash area in Allen Gardens today because he clearly did not get enough exercise yesterday and it's fenced so I felt more comfortable

pee break

Okay the puppy didn't really want to pee. He was just asking for some attention. I get that.

Anyway, I felt more comfortable in the fenced off-leash area at Allen Gardens compared to the off-leash area in his usual park. He got to run around and play with other dogs. I was hoping he would be more tired than he currently is but maybe he's just naturally spazzy. I'm exhausted and would love to go to bed now but I need to let him out again tonight so that I can hopefully sleep in a bit longer tomorrow morning. I think I woke up at 5 am and couldn't go back to sleep.

It was a long and somewhat ridiculous day. D for Disaster coworker guy sent me a kind of douche bag email last Friday. The subject line was "not for internal affairs..." and his email said "are you doing tonight? if you are not interested in going on a date..then maybe we could pivot for each other – divide and conquer."

I want to be friends, or at least have a good relationship, with this guy because we have to work together so closely but he is making it difficult to be professional around him. If I am being honest with myself, I do miss hanging out with him and talking to him a little bit. Anyway, I extended an olive branch and invited him out to walk the dog. He suggested dinner but I ignored that part of his email. Anyway, we texted back and forth a bit and he said he was working late but would come to the park when he was done but I didn't hear from him. So I texted him at 8 pm and said that we were back home and maybe some other night. He was still at work and ended up calling me and we had a conversation about his original douchebag text message.

He apologized for not saying those things to me in person, or at least over the phone and said that he still has mixed feelings towards me. That sometimes he misses me but he doesn't want me to have to deal with those feelings. I told him that, as far as I am concerned, he made his decision and there's nothing further to discuss because I don't want to spend time with someone if he knows it isn't going anywhere. Let's face it, I don't need another Grey in my life. But I said that I would like for us to be friends and that I would be with the dog all week so we could get together some other evening after work. We'll see what happens.

The dog is lying on the couch and looks like he is passed out. It's about time!

Lonely

I can't believe I'm actually lonely. I'm sitting here, pretending to work on my thesis, next to the dog, and I'm freakin' lonely. What the hell is wrong with me? Sigh. Maybe I'm just feeling down because it's Monday night, I'm tired, stressed and it's extremely quiet in here. There's just the sound of me typing, the dog breathing and the fridge. And some traffic. I'm not sure why the quiet bugs me here. Maybe because I'm not in my own home? Last time I was here, the TV was in the living room and, despite not getting cable, I could turn it on and get whatever the antenna picked up. The dog seemed to like the noise and it didn't seem quite so intimidating to be here by myself. Not that I'm by myself. The dog is pretty good company when he's not being a hyper spaz.

It got so bad that I phoned Grey. I actually picked up the phone, dialed his number and did not have a conversation with him. He was working as usual. I attempted to have a conversation with him but he just wasn't having any of it. I shouldn't have called. Obviously I know that. I'm just retarded. So then I cried a bit and the dog came and put his head in my lap and stared up at me with his huge black eyes. That helped. I feel like an idiot. Maybe it's just hormones.

A glimmer of something

I'm totally procrastinating about going to school right now. I really should go. I want to have results ready for end of day Wednesday so my supervisors can look them over before our meeting on Thursday.

It was a long day at the lab yesterday. Productive, but long. I found myself randomly crying about Grey. I wish he wasn't so screwed up. We had such a good time together this weekend. There were a few moments that he was a bit grumpy but he was also a bit strange. He keeps asking if my parents are coming to visit this summer. And he mentioned that I would be an expensive wife. When I pointed out that his entire outfit was over $1000 whereas mine was under $100, he said that his mom would love me. I hope he doesn't freak out on me again. I'm not sure I can handle another soup incident. I just wish he knew what he wanted so that I could figure it out. While he waffles, I wait in suspense. More fool me, I suppose.

He went to get a hair cut after we had dim sum on Saturday morning. He left me alone at his place with the paper for about an hour and a half. And when he came back, we sat around talking for a while. We've never done that before. It was a bit strange but I really enjoyed just talking to him. I don't want to get my hopes up again. Maybe it's too late, given the random lab crying yesterday. Perhaps it's time to take a break from him. Next weekend is long so maybe I won't see him.

I'm not looking after Charlie anymore. I decided I didn't need the extra responsibility right now. I miss that puppy but it's probably for the best. It's going to be a long week and I will need the time to unwind and the reminder of how much I hate long, extended periods of time to myself.

Alone again

Tonight is the first time I have cried about Grey for a couple of weeks. Mostly because I spent the last two weeks being totally exhausted. A puppy is a huge responsibility. I'm glad to have my single commitment-free, responsibility-free life back. And it's an additional relief that I don't have to be out pooping-and-scooping in this crap weather. I do miss the way Charlie would lick my wrists when I was putting on his collar. And when I would sit on the floor and he'd put his paws on my shoulders and lick my earlobes. I miss his lovable cuteness. I even miss his spazzy insane puppy skirmishes across the living room floor a little bit. But my life is better without a dog. For now, anyway. When I'm ready, I'll know.

As for Grey, I still miss him a lot. I don't think about him all the time anymore. That's a good thing because I'm getting a lot more work done at school. And I'm finally back in a place that I'm happy living alone. Sleeping alone. Not sharing a bathroom. I'm even seriously wondering if I will ever get married. I have no desire to have children. I can't even handle the responsibility of a baby animal let alone a baby human! So why do I need a partner? There's no really good reason to be in a relationship right now. Or perhaps ever. Strangely, that doesn't make me feel lonely.

Icy puppy walk

I have nothing to write tonight but I'm forcing myself to put some words down here. I don't know why. I'm puppy sitting starting Friday for 10 days. He is the cutest, bounciest, little Wheaton terrier named Charlie. Mr and Mrs Charlie are going to Europe for a few days. Mrs Charlie is almost 4 months pregnant and this is going to be their last trip before the baby comes. This is the couple that hiked Kilimanjaro for their honeymoon!

Tonight I went over there for dinner and to make sure I could get online on their wireless and to iron out the final details. We went for a long walk. Well, it wasn't that long but it felt long because it is so cold out there right now and I didn't have my gloves with me. It's -20 right now with the windchill.

We ended up at Trinity Bellwoods park which was like a giant skating rink. It was a bit treacherous and I was more worried about Mrs Charlie falling. She's almost 4 months pregnant. I'm not sure why Mr Charlie dragged us to the park but I did have a good time. Charlie is so adorable and his little antics almost caused me to wipe out a couple of times but it's hard to get mad at him with his cute little bearded face. He likes to hold the leash in his mouth and he loves to root around in the snow banks. I guess that's just genetic terrier behaviour.

I'm still a bit nervous disciplining him but I think that's more because I'm worried about what Mr Charlie thinks of me. I hope I'll be more comfortable by the end of the weekend. I'm pretty excited about having a puppy for 10 days. It will be a long time before I can get a dog. And it may not be something I can even handle as a single person. So this will give me a better idea. I might even be exhausted after the end of it. X told me that I would be sad to leave Charlie at the end of 10 days but it might also get the puppy longing out of my system.