I was having lunch with an old friend in Soho (HK) today and I found out that the first guy I officially went on a date with is gay. Well, let's just say that I *officially* found out today that he has finally come out. I knew there was something horribly wrong when he held my hand at Toys 'R Us and it felt terrible. Or maybe it was McDonald's. That was a bright idea on the part of my then best friend. She just wanted me to come on a triple date with her and above-referenced lunch friend. Ugh, that entire afternoon still makes me shudder. I think I remember slow-dancing with him to Take My Breath Away at one of our school dances. That song always gives me the creeps but maybe now I will think back on it more fondly. I have added him to facebook so hopefully he doesn't hate me too much for being so repulsed by his attempts at affection. Poor guy. I should have been nicer to him. Perhaps my dating life since then has just been relationship karma for that fledgling experience. If only I had known then all the things I know now...
Ah well, lunch was fun and then I bought two pairs of shoes at Vickie's. Let me tell you, this might be my new favourite shoe store. They do custom shoes in 4 weeks. The styles and colours are fabulous and the prices are totally inexpensive. I wish I had more time here so I could go back and place an order. Next time. Someone please remind me!
Showing posts with label girlfriends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label girlfriends. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Relationships
Relationships are strange things. I work hard and play hard and expect to savour the rewards of my efforts. But relationships don't work that way. It doesn't matter how hard you bust your ass. If you're with someone who is not also busting their ass.. well, then you're just a fool. You're also a fool if you date douchebags and think they're interesting and entertaining. I suppose I had to turn 30 to learn that lesson!
Anyway, I realize that my previous post made it seem as though I'm lonely in Vancouver but I really couldn't be happier. Yesterday, I spent a lovely, sunshiney afternoon on Granville Island. I met MFV for lunch, read a book on the dock, got a pistachio ice cream cone, shopped, met MFV for coffee and eventually wondered home for a late afternoon nap. Then I met one of my favourite girlfriends for dinner in Yaletown and she filled up my soul and left it overflowing for the next person. It was a really good day. It has been a really good few weeks. I needed the break. I needed to rest. I needed to reconnect with myself. I needed to enjoy myself. I have done all those things. This has maybe been the best few weeks of my post-grad student life.
The thing is, when you start a new relationship with your bestest friend in the whole world and you also happen to be living with that person, the slightest bit of distance or withdrawal doesn't go unnoticed. But because you're living with this person, even though you might be second-guessing everything he says, you can't deal with it the same way you normally would. You can't play hard to get or give him his space or wait for him to come to you. You have to continue with the things you have started doing every day. Like washing his cereal bowl and coffee mug. And doing the laundry and buying groceries for dinner and planning your weekend getaway. And spooning with him as he falls asleep. I'm not suggesting for a minute that I would rather be in the other situation - the one where I could retreat to my cave and wait for him to come get me - after all that has not worked out so well in the past for me! But it does present a slightly different challenge. Ah, the male ego...
I am still trying to figure out this little problem. How to be a gentle, caring, loving partner without smothering the poor guy. How to still be the fun BFF and not morph into my usual relationship neuroses monster. How to be okay with having sex even when I'm not feeling 100% connected and dealing with those feelings with the minimum of drama. It's tough. I haven't been in a real relationship for many years. Maybe I never was. I never really experienced any sort of emotional intimacy with X, even though he was my best friend. I have had plenty of physical intimacy in the last couple of years, thank you Grey. But we never connected on an emotional level, in fact very much the opposite with him pushing me away whenever I would start to get close.
This is different. Better. Much, much better. But strange new territory for me. He got mad at me the other night. It was a stupid, trivial argument. And while we have moved on, we haven't really dealt with it. I'm not sure what the issue is. Probably that I am a giant, raving, condescending beyotch. I should fix that.
However, it could also be temporary. If he doesn't find work in Toronto, we may never be together again after next weekend. I intend to make the most of the week we have left. He is my BFF after all.
Anyway, I realize that my previous post made it seem as though I'm lonely in Vancouver but I really couldn't be happier. Yesterday, I spent a lovely, sunshiney afternoon on Granville Island. I met MFV for lunch, read a book on the dock, got a pistachio ice cream cone, shopped, met MFV for coffee and eventually wondered home for a late afternoon nap. Then I met one of my favourite girlfriends for dinner in Yaletown and she filled up my soul and left it overflowing for the next person. It was a really good day. It has been a really good few weeks. I needed the break. I needed to rest. I needed to reconnect with myself. I needed to enjoy myself. I have done all those things. This has maybe been the best few weeks of my post-grad student life.
The thing is, when you start a new relationship with your bestest friend in the whole world and you also happen to be living with that person, the slightest bit of distance or withdrawal doesn't go unnoticed. But because you're living with this person, even though you might be second-guessing everything he says, you can't deal with it the same way you normally would. You can't play hard to get or give him his space or wait for him to come to you. You have to continue with the things you have started doing every day. Like washing his cereal bowl and coffee mug. And doing the laundry and buying groceries for dinner and planning your weekend getaway. And spooning with him as he falls asleep. I'm not suggesting for a minute that I would rather be in the other situation - the one where I could retreat to my cave and wait for him to come get me - after all that has not worked out so well in the past for me! But it does present a slightly different challenge. Ah, the male ego...
I am still trying to figure out this little problem. How to be a gentle, caring, loving partner without smothering the poor guy. How to still be the fun BFF and not morph into my usual relationship neuroses monster. How to be okay with having sex even when I'm not feeling 100% connected and dealing with those feelings with the minimum of drama. It's tough. I haven't been in a real relationship for many years. Maybe I never was. I never really experienced any sort of emotional intimacy with X, even though he was my best friend. I have had plenty of physical intimacy in the last couple of years, thank you Grey. But we never connected on an emotional level, in fact very much the opposite with him pushing me away whenever I would start to get close.
This is different. Better. Much, much better. But strange new territory for me. He got mad at me the other night. It was a stupid, trivial argument. And while we have moved on, we haven't really dealt with it. I'm not sure what the issue is. Probably that I am a giant, raving, condescending beyotch. I should fix that.
However, it could also be temporary. If he doesn't find work in Toronto, we may never be together again after next weekend. I intend to make the most of the week we have left. He is my BFF after all.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Sunny and 8 degrees... and boring
Oh dear, I have taken one full day off and I'm bored out of my tree! Yesterday, I unpacked and got organized (I figure I will be here a while, regardless of which job offer I accept) and then I went to the beach and lay on a bench (and was chased off by a bunch of mean, angry old hobos) and read this book (thanks Seattle).
Just as I was writing that paragraph, I got a text message from a girlfriend to come over and hang out. I was going to make a list of things to do (groceries, laundry, download and photos, crossword puzzle etc) but now I guess I can procrastinate a bit longer :)
Just as I was writing that paragraph, I got a text message from a girlfriend to come over and hang out. I was going to make a list of things to do (groceries, laundry, download and photos, crossword puzzle etc) but now I guess I can procrastinate a bit longer :)
Friday, February 5, 2010
Please, pretend?
Can you at least pretend you'll miss me when I'm gone?
This day went from mildly upsetting to upsetting to really upsetting. I'm glad it's over and I'm home where I'm safe from people who make me cry.
This day went from mildly upsetting to upsetting to really upsetting. I'm glad it's over and I'm home where I'm safe from people who make me cry.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Life lessons
I had the lovely lady grad students over for fondue tonight and now I'm too tired to do anything except mention that it was a nice evening. I have a vat of chocolate fondue leftover though so I suspect fondue redux will ensue.
I learned a life lesson earlier this week and I would like to share it. I'm paraphrasing from Criminal Minds.
Of all places, I realized that in Superstore when I walked by the Cadbury creme egg display.
Several years ago, at Easter, I set up a little Easter Egg hunt for X. He loved those little creme eggs and I must have hidden a dozen of them around our apartment. He found most of them immediately but some he didn't find until summer. It was nice for me that he was so excited at the time, and continued to find nice little surprises months after we had both forgotten about creme eggs.
When I walked past the display, I smiled and laughed a little. I texted him to ask if he remembered. I didn't hear back but that's okay. It was nice to have an unexpected, happy NSA memory of a past relationship.
I learned a life lesson earlier this week and I would like to share it. I'm paraphrasing from Criminal Minds.
it does get easier and, one day, you remember and it doesn't hurt anymore... and you're happy.
Of all places, I realized that in Superstore when I walked by the Cadbury creme egg display.
Several years ago, at Easter, I set up a little Easter Egg hunt for X. He loved those little creme eggs and I must have hidden a dozen of them around our apartment. He found most of them immediately but some he didn't find until summer. It was nice for me that he was so excited at the time, and continued to find nice little surprises months after we had both forgotten about creme eggs.
When I walked past the display, I smiled and laughed a little. I texted him to ask if he remembered. I didn't hear back but that's okay. It was nice to have an unexpected, happy NSA memory of a past relationship.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Sunday morning
I'm procrastinating. On Sunday! About going out! I do this often. I just want to stay home and be spooned by my couch most of the time. Is that so much to ask? I'm a recovering grad student, after all.
Yesterday, I finally dragged my ass out of the house about 3 pm for coffee, cash and One of a Kind Show (yes, again). I want to post all of the awesome and cool things that I saw there! I know I said I would do that last week but I haven't had the energy. Maybe tonight? Ahh, who am I kidding? They will just live forever in my head and in the little pile of cards on my desk. I should find a place for those. Some great, unusual gift ideas lie in that little pile.
I spent around 3 hours at the show wandering around by myself, sampling food and buying trinkets for myself. I thought about the art that I wanted to put on my imaginary condo walls. And I decided that I'm going to wait until I have said condo and then put up some of my own photos. And one or two of MFV's. He's an incredible photographer.
I took the long way home - 2 streetcars instead of the subway. At Bathurst and Queen, I saw a woman standing, waiting for the southbound car dressed in a leopard hoodie/cape thing complete with little ears and whiskers. She was waving excitedly as we passed by. Then, a couple of blocks north of that, we passed a house with a sign in the window, "Steam baths". We have steam baths in Toronto? Apparently we do. As we passed the back of the house, two police officers were leading a large man out onto the street in handcuffs. I think that was my first arrest. Ahem, not *my* first arrest! But you know what I mean. My first time seeing one in real life. Crazy.
Then I had sushi with my toxic ex-coworker and her brother and his gf. I have decided I don't like her family that much either. Must spend less time.
And today, I'm off to the mall and the orifice, the post office and two feedings by nice Indian parents (not mine, fortunately!). While I do not object to the feedings, I could use a bit more couch time today.
Yesterday, I finally dragged my ass out of the house about 3 pm for coffee, cash and One of a Kind Show (yes, again). I want to post all of the awesome and cool things that I saw there! I know I said I would do that last week but I haven't had the energy. Maybe tonight? Ahh, who am I kidding? They will just live forever in my head and in the little pile of cards on my desk. I should find a place for those. Some great, unusual gift ideas lie in that little pile.
I spent around 3 hours at the show wandering around by myself, sampling food and buying trinkets for myself. I thought about the art that I wanted to put on my imaginary condo walls. And I decided that I'm going to wait until I have said condo and then put up some of my own photos. And one or two of MFV's. He's an incredible photographer.
I took the long way home - 2 streetcars instead of the subway. At Bathurst and Queen, I saw a woman standing, waiting for the southbound car dressed in a leopard hoodie/cape thing complete with little ears and whiskers. She was waving excitedly as we passed by. Then, a couple of blocks north of that, we passed a house with a sign in the window, "Steam baths". We have steam baths in Toronto? Apparently we do. As we passed the back of the house, two police officers were leading a large man out onto the street in handcuffs. I think that was my first arrest. Ahem, not *my* first arrest! But you know what I mean. My first time seeing one in real life. Crazy.
Then I had sushi with my toxic ex-coworker and her brother and his gf. I have decided I don't like her family that much either. Must spend less time.
And today, I'm off to the mall and the orifice, the post office and two feedings by nice Indian parents (not mine, fortunately!). While I do not object to the feedings, I could use a bit more couch time today.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Tea and ladies
Why don't men call when they say they're going to call? What is up with that? I hate it and I probably will never understand it. It frustrates me and I feel unloved, insignificant and neglected. Thank God for girlfriends and afternoon tea and tiny scones with devon cream and tea in teapots with teacups and saucers and strainers and all the dainty things that make me happy. Also, I am looking forward to copious amounts of alcohol tonight. (By copious, I mean two drinks).
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
2^ 5 has been the best birthday ever
I just had the best birthday ever. MFV phoned at 11.30 to wish me a happy almost birthday and we probably talked for a couple of hours about stuff and stuff. It was tough to get up in the morning but it sorta felt like Christmas - minus that whole having to go to work thing. I got my free birthday latte from Starbucks - yay! - and my coworkers took me out to lunch which was so surprising and really nice. I really did not expect that at all. I even brought my lunch today which I NEVER do.
In the afternoon, I met up with my financial advisor. That was my birthday present to myself. I didn't lose as much as I thought in the last couple of years. Only around 4 or 5% of my portfolio. This was due to sheer dumb luck. When I last saw her in 2007, I had intended to buy a place in 2008 so we moved a lot out of equity into money market. Then, because I didn't see her for 2 years, we never moved it back out and I weathered the storm quite nicely. Actually, I should give her more credit for that. I'm sure that if I had been too aggressive with my equity balance, she would have let me know. She also asked me about my target retirement age. Whether I was looking at 60 or 55. I laughed and said 55 would be nice but, considering that I'm 32 years old today and still don't own a house, I doubt I can do both. She said she would run some numbers and see what happens.
Then the girls came over this evening for dinner. Pink dress made vegetarian chili which is phenomenal. Our mutual friend brought wine and cheese, all of which were fabulous. She also brought over molten chocolate lava mini cakes. Oh lord. And my belly dance teacher brought herself and some cheery spirits. It was really nice. It was good to feel loved. Also, my facebook wall literally exploded today. It was really unexpected and overwhelming and touching to feel so much love in my life.
But the icing on my cake might have been unexpectedly receiving a gift in the mail from MFV. He mailed me a Moroccan teapot stuffed with chocolates from Daniel le chocolat Belge. And a really sweet card. I might be falling in love with that stupid boy.
In the afternoon, I met up with my financial advisor. That was my birthday present to myself. I didn't lose as much as I thought in the last couple of years. Only around 4 or 5% of my portfolio. This was due to sheer dumb luck. When I last saw her in 2007, I had intended to buy a place in 2008 so we moved a lot out of equity into money market. Then, because I didn't see her for 2 years, we never moved it back out and I weathered the storm quite nicely. Actually, I should give her more credit for that. I'm sure that if I had been too aggressive with my equity balance, she would have let me know. She also asked me about my target retirement age. Whether I was looking at 60 or 55. I laughed and said 55 would be nice but, considering that I'm 32 years old today and still don't own a house, I doubt I can do both. She said she would run some numbers and see what happens.
Then the girls came over this evening for dinner. Pink dress made vegetarian chili which is phenomenal. Our mutual friend brought wine and cheese, all of which were fabulous. She also brought over molten chocolate lava mini cakes. Oh lord. And my belly dance teacher brought herself and some cheery spirits. It was really nice. It was good to feel loved. Also, my facebook wall literally exploded today. It was really unexpected and overwhelming and touching to feel so much love in my life.
But the icing on my cake might have been unexpectedly receiving a gift in the mail from MFV. He mailed me a Moroccan teapot stuffed with chocolates from Daniel le chocolat Belge. And a really sweet card. I might be falling in love with that stupid boy.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Weekend stuff
Life has returned to regular programming, post-Convocation. Friday night was blustery and cold and raining cats and dogs. I bought a used lens from a guy off craigslist and then went for sushi and coffee with an ex-coworker. Saturday morning, I attempted to go the gym but was foiled because pilates was cancelled and I didn't have my running shoes or mp3 player (I'm the last person on the planet without an iPod) so I went to dim sum with my parents and the septuagenarians kids and newly adopted grandbaby. Then I baked some hazelnut butter crisp cookies and saw Charlie (his mom's birthday) and proceeded to get fat on condensed milk toast with the girls. And today was brunch at Tequila Bookworm, met a briard in the park, bizarre bazaar and Cirque du Soleil.
If you can see the show in Toronto, you should go. It's called oVo. It's my new favourite. It was as good as an orgasm. So remember, o for orgasm and oVo. In fact, it was better than an orgasm because I went with a girlfriend whose company I actually enjoy and we both went home with orgasms :) So.good. oVo, people. You should go.
If you can see the show in Toronto, you should go. It's called oVo. It's my new favourite. It was as good as an orgasm. So remember, o for orgasm and oVo. In fact, it was better than an orgasm because I went with a girlfriend whose company I actually enjoy and we both went home with orgasms :) So.good. oVo, people. You should go.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
My ribs are creaking
God, have I really not posted all week? It's been a long and crazy one. Not as crazy as some recent ones, but still long, despite being short. Our three day Thanksgiving weekend seems a distant memory now.
I attempted condensed milk toast with my girlfriends this evening. We started out with all-you-can-eat hot pot. My ribs are still creaking! Then we went to T&T (huge Chinese grocery store) and picked up milk toast and condensed milk. If you have never tried Taiwanese/HK-style condensed milk toast, go find yourself a reputable bubble tea place and indulge. It's like breakfast and dessert had a perfect baby. Anyway, it ended up being a long night but we had a good time and I haven't seen those two in ages. I wanted to talk to them about Vancouver but I couldn't find the right moment and didn't want to put a damper on the evening. I think I should probably talk to them separately. In person. Soon.
Anyway, I'm picking up keys to my septuagenarian friend's condo (parents are staying there for a couple of weeks), then hitting the gym and then Costco. Then hopefully lunch, camera research and a nap before birthday party in the evening. I'm already exhausted because of my stupid period so it's going to be a long day. My bed is calling out for me. Sleeeeep!
I attempted condensed milk toast with my girlfriends this evening. We started out with all-you-can-eat hot pot. My ribs are still creaking! Then we went to T&T (huge Chinese grocery store) and picked up milk toast and condensed milk. If you have never tried Taiwanese/HK-style condensed milk toast, go find yourself a reputable bubble tea place and indulge. It's like breakfast and dessert had a perfect baby. Anyway, it ended up being a long night but we had a good time and I haven't seen those two in ages. I wanted to talk to them about Vancouver but I couldn't find the right moment and didn't want to put a damper on the evening. I think I should probably talk to them separately. In person. Soon.
Anyway, I'm picking up keys to my septuagenarian friend's condo (parents are staying there for a couple of weeks), then hitting the gym and then Costco. Then hopefully lunch, camera research and a nap before birthday party in the evening. I'm already exhausted because of my stupid period so it's going to be a long day. My bed is calling out for me. Sleeeeep!
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Is it Friday yet??
I am not loving this whole working 5 days a week thing. I handed my thesis in for binding today and I am thoroughly relieved about that. I also hate my job right now so I applied for a better one this morning, which coincidentally is in the same building as the graduate school. Completely unrelated though.
I have a few plans this weekend so that's nice. Nothing tomorrow night, but I have no doubt that will change. Or, if not, I can entertain myself at home by scrubbing floors and dusting and vacuuming. Saturday morning pilates and run. Saturday afternoon newspaper. Saturday evening drinks and dessert at a friend's place. Sunday afternoon D-SLR window-shopping (did I mention that my parents offered to buy me one as a graduation gift? Yay me :) with Piglet and parents. I haven't seen them for ages. Then I think I might be having dinner with A's parents on Sunday night. I hope so because I haven't seen them - or been fed by her mother - for some time.
Other than having to go to work every day, this thesis-free lifestyle suits me just fine.
Oh yeah, new guy update: he set off my gay-dar today when he was telling me about his great blue pin-striped suit. Douchebag's jealousy could very well be misplaced.
I have a few plans this weekend so that's nice. Nothing tomorrow night, but I have no doubt that will change. Or, if not, I can entertain myself at home by scrubbing floors and dusting and vacuuming. Saturday morning pilates and run. Saturday afternoon newspaper. Saturday evening drinks and dessert at a friend's place. Sunday afternoon D-SLR window-shopping (did I mention that my parents offered to buy me one as a graduation gift? Yay me :) with Piglet and parents. I haven't seen them for ages. Then I think I might be having dinner with A's parents on Sunday night. I hope so because I haven't seen them - or been fed by her mother - for some time.
Other than having to go to work every day, this thesis-free lifestyle suits me just fine.
Oh yeah, new guy update: he set off my gay-dar today when he was telling me about his great blue pin-striped suit. Douchebag's jealousy could very well be misplaced.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
I need some advice
I had dinner with Pink Dress today and her car died when she arrived at my place. She phoned her mechanic and invited him to dinner with us. This is the same guy that called me chubby and blonde last October.
I thought I could pretend to be fine for a couple of hours but I don't think I can ever spend time with both of them together again. I'm still really hurt by what he said and he set me back light years with those comments. I know that he means nothing to me and I should just discard his opinion but I just can't get his words out of my head. I was so self-conscious of everything I ate at dinner tonight that I couldn't finish my meal.
I'm not sure if I should tell Pink Dress that I don't ever want to see him again or just forget it. The worst part is that she seems to think that he has a thing for me and there is no way in hell that I can purposely spend time with someone whose mere presence reinforces my neuroses about my low self-esteem and weight and food issues. Am I being insane?
Update: Grey, our mutual friend and MFV all told me I should tell her so I just sent her this email.
Okay, I don't know how to say this so I'm just going to come right out with it.
I know the mechanic is your good friend but I can't hang out with him again. When you said you had invited him to dinner, I thought I would be fine with it but it turns out I'm still not over him calling me chubby and blonde last October. I realize these are my neuroses and he probably had no idea that he would touch on such a sensitive issue. I'm sorry, I know he's good to you. But I really have to assert myself on this one. I was really uncomfortable last night and that makes me unhappy because I was looking forward to catching up with you. Do-over on Saturday?
I thought I could pretend to be fine for a couple of hours but I don't think I can ever spend time with both of them together again. I'm still really hurt by what he said and he set me back light years with those comments. I know that he means nothing to me and I should just discard his opinion but I just can't get his words out of my head. I was so self-conscious of everything I ate at dinner tonight that I couldn't finish my meal.
I'm not sure if I should tell Pink Dress that I don't ever want to see him again or just forget it. The worst part is that she seems to think that he has a thing for me and there is no way in hell that I can purposely spend time with someone whose mere presence reinforces my neuroses about my low self-esteem and weight and food issues. Am I being insane?
Update: Grey, our mutual friend and MFV all told me I should tell her so I just sent her this email.
Okay, I don't know how to say this so I'm just going to come right out with it.
I know the mechanic is your good friend but I can't hang out with him again. When you said you had invited him to dinner, I thought I would be fine with it but it turns out I'm still not over him calling me chubby and blonde last October. I realize these are my neuroses and he probably had no idea that he would touch on such a sensitive issue. I'm sorry, I know he's good to you. But I really have to assert myself on this one. I was really uncomfortable last night and that makes me unhappy because I was looking forward to catching up with you. Do-over on Saturday?
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Couch to 5K - Item 3 on the Shawshank List
I went to the gym today. It's on my bucket list (which is actually more of a Shawshank list) and I decided I needed some motivation so I Googled Couch to 5K and found Carli's website with some running playlists. I downloaded Week 1 and it is really great. It helped me get to the gym, kept me on the treadmill and I was actually disappointed when it was over! I am not exactly new to running but I have neglected the gym for the past two months. I just figured that, if I had enough energy to work out, I should be working on my thesis instead, right? Anyway, it felt good to go back to the gym and the workout was pretty straightforward. I won't say it was easy but it wasn't too challenging and I'm looking forward to going to the gym for the rest of this week.
This is not entirely an altruistic goal. I'm going to Mexico for a week next Sunday and the thought of standing next to 20-something-year old bikini clad bodies is excruciatingly intimidating. Now that I find myself in my 30s, I definitely have better self-esteem and that translates into better body image. I have some problem areas which I never had in my 20s but gravity and stress and age have taken their toll. So I'm working on the abs, the shoulders and triceps and overall cardio this week.
The hard part will be to eat better. I went out for Indian in Yorkville last night and ended up painfully full. I walked home but was still uncomfortable after the chilly evening half-hour walk. Then, this afternoon, I had high tea (again in Yorkville, my credit cards are weeping) and walked home again. I no longer stuff myself at tea because of my egg allergy but I did inhale a lot of cream and scones. God, so yummy. It was a party in my mouth this weekend. (Friday night was bubbles and fondue with the grad students followed by a tiny bit of bar hopping in Little Italy).
The final part of the plan is to run a 5K in November at the end of the 9 week program. Ontario is going to be mighty chilly at that time of year so maybe I should look for a run in Vancouver. Or the Caribbean somewhere :) I haven't fully thought that through yet but I will have a lot more free brain power now that the thesis is done.
Here is the rest of my Shawshank list:
1. Read the paper
2. Make dim sum
3. Go to the gym -- check!
4. Go to the library
5. Go to my favourite restaurant in Little Italy
6. Clean apartment -- check!
7. Purge stuff in "office"
8. Sell microwave
9. Sell U2 tickets
10. Go to the movies (at least two)
11. Start watching Entourage
12. Lie on the grass - it's getting too cold for this :(
13. Look into fall classes (culinary, photography, Italian)
14. Watch documentaries and nap
15. Take new drug plan info to pharmacy (yes, boring but it needs to be done)
This is not entirely an altruistic goal. I'm going to Mexico for a week next Sunday and the thought of standing next to 20-something-year old bikini clad bodies is excruciatingly intimidating. Now that I find myself in my 30s, I definitely have better self-esteem and that translates into better body image. I have some problem areas which I never had in my 20s but gravity and stress and age have taken their toll. So I'm working on the abs, the shoulders and triceps and overall cardio this week.
The hard part will be to eat better. I went out for Indian in Yorkville last night and ended up painfully full. I walked home but was still uncomfortable after the chilly evening half-hour walk. Then, this afternoon, I had high tea (again in Yorkville, my credit cards are weeping) and walked home again. I no longer stuff myself at tea because of my egg allergy but I did inhale a lot of cream and scones. God, so yummy. It was a party in my mouth this weekend. (Friday night was bubbles and fondue with the grad students followed by a tiny bit of bar hopping in Little Italy).
The final part of the plan is to run a 5K in November at the end of the 9 week program. Ontario is going to be mighty chilly at that time of year so maybe I should look for a run in Vancouver. Or the Caribbean somewhere :) I haven't fully thought that through yet but I will have a lot more free brain power now that the thesis is done.
Here is the rest of my Shawshank list:
1. Read the paper
2. Make dim sum
3. Go to the gym -- check!
4. Go to the library
5. Go to my favourite restaurant in Little Italy
6. Clean apartment -- check!
7. Purge stuff in "office"
8. Sell microwave
9. Sell U2 tickets
10. Go to the movies (at least two)
11. Start watching Entourage
12. Lie on the grass - it's getting too cold for this :(
13. Look into fall classes (culinary, photography, Italian)
14. Watch documentaries and nap
15. Take new drug plan info to pharmacy (yes, boring but it needs to be done)
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Defense T minus 11
Defense is on August 27 at 2 pm. I am starting to feel overwhelmed and stressed and anxious. Really, the thing that worries me most is the unpredictability of questions. Everything else will be okay provided I spend every spare second of every day between now and then preparing thoroughly. I have to finish my presentation before Thursday which is when I will be doing a run-through with my supervisors. Then I have another week to think of and prepare answers to questions. Basically, anything I wrote in 150+ pages is up for debate. I'm scared.
I took yesterday off to decompress with the other grad students. We had brunch at Watermark in the Harbourfront Centre and ended up at the beach at Ward Island which was actually not completely disgusting. We may go back in two weekends when we're done with our defenses. In the evening, we ordered pizza and had a drink and bitched and moaned and complained about school and thesis supervisors. It was fun and I might even miss these girls when we're done. I probably won't see them again after convocation.
Meanwhile, Grey went here last night. http://www.wickedclub.com/
I don't know how much more of his crap I can take. I know that I have been saying that for the last year and a half but I'm starting to feel used and abused. Underappreciated and taken advantage of. It's wearing me down slowly. Well, maybe when the thesis is over, I will welcome the drama back into my life.
Speaking of drama, MFV might come visit at the end of September on his way to Morocco. While I want to go with him to Morocco, I'm not sure if our friendship can stand this test of real life exposure. I haven't seen him in 3 years. I don't know if he knows what he wants from me but I'm tired of guys flip flopping between wanting to be with me and not wanting to be with me. Don't I deserve to be with a man who knows what he wants? I guess I will wait to worry about him until I see a flight number.
Also, that place I didn't make an offer on? It sold for more than $30K above asking. It appears I can't actually afford to buy the type of place I want in this godforsaken city. It has been a bad news day all around.
I took yesterday off to decompress with the other grad students. We had brunch at Watermark in the Harbourfront Centre and ended up at the beach at Ward Island which was actually not completely disgusting. We may go back in two weekends when we're done with our defenses. In the evening, we ordered pizza and had a drink and bitched and moaned and complained about school and thesis supervisors. It was fun and I might even miss these girls when we're done. I probably won't see them again after convocation.
Meanwhile, Grey went here last night. http://www.wickedclub.com/
I don't know how much more of his crap I can take. I know that I have been saying that for the last year and a half but I'm starting to feel used and abused. Underappreciated and taken advantage of. It's wearing me down slowly. Well, maybe when the thesis is over, I will welcome the drama back into my life.
Speaking of drama, MFV might come visit at the end of September on his way to Morocco. While I want to go with him to Morocco, I'm not sure if our friendship can stand this test of real life exposure. I haven't seen him in 3 years. I don't know if he knows what he wants from me but I'm tired of guys flip flopping between wanting to be with me and not wanting to be with me. Don't I deserve to be with a man who knows what he wants? I guess I will wait to worry about him until I see a flight number.
Also, that place I didn't make an offer on? It sold for more than $30K above asking. It appears I can't actually afford to buy the type of place I want in this godforsaken city. It has been a bad news day all around.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
The Bucket List (only it's not a bucket, it's more like a Shawshank)
I wrote a facebook note today. Here it is:
Okay girls, it's time. It's time to make the list of things to do after the defense is over. And I'm talking serious things that you can check off the list not crap like "go on a safari" or "learn a language".
Here goes...
1. Go to a movie. Two movies even. At the drive-in!
2. Start watching Entourage. One season per weekend.
3. Buy a condo
4. Lie on the grass all afternoon.
5. Mop the floors
6. Go to the beach and worry if I'm wearing enough sunscreen
7. Pilates class. Oh how I miss you pilates class.
8. Dump my filing cabinet in the recycling, alphabetized tabs and all!
9. Dance. In public. Preferably after getting dressed up and hammered on random shots
10. Spa day: massage, mani, pedi and some waxing which y'all don't really need to know about
11. Take a class (yes I'm serious) not for credit (I'm thinking photography or culinary arts at GBC)
Your turn.
One of my fellow grad studentettes* replied with this:
I'm too lazy/brain too fried to make my own list right now so I'll just steal/elaborate on yours lol
1. Go to drive in with EB. Also rent and watch Twilight.
2. Watch rest of Lost seasons, Season 1 of The Wire (Xmas present, not watched yet) and Madmen (borrowed from Baby Mama in April??) - also not watched
3. Buy a couch... Read more
4. Spend a solid week walking around various neighbourhoods of Toronto I love but have spent no time in this summer. Before winter comes...
5. Clean out closet. Take clothes to Value Village. Replace with new fall "work appropriate" clothes from Buffalo/Niagara.
6. Go somewhere with a beach and someone to make me drinks and sit on ass for week.
7. Start rowing again. This may wait til spring.
8. Burn all thesis files on computer to disk, delete from computer, make computer run faster. Shred printed work and papers.
9 and 10. Yes please.
11. Sign up for train conducting school? Also at GBC
*Some details changed to protect our identities.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Jolt
I know I don't normally blog in the morning but I had to write this down. I woke up with a jolt about 20 minutes ago thinking, "what day is it today? I know I have to be somewhere but where?" After a moment, I remembered that I don't have to be anywhere but the girls are coming over in half an hour or so and we're leaving for Port Elgin. I haven't showered, had breakfast or packed and the house is a disaster. Argh.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
I need
A man. Or a butler. Or a nanny. These are the things I would like to do but won't because I feel guilty about not thesising:
1. Clear the 4 cups off my desk and put them in the dishwasher.
2. Clean the bathroom. More specifically the toilet and the shower stall. The floor and the tub can wait.
3. Fold and put away the mountains of laundry in my laundry basket and on the back of the couch.
4. Tidy up the kitchen. Oh those pesky sesame seed bagel crumbs.
5. Mop the floors. The dog was here and he's drippy when watering himself from his water bowl.
6. Vacuum.
7. Buy some groceries so that A's parents don't have to feed me every other night.
8. Take out the recycling.
9. Take out the garbage.
10. Iron. Ah, who am I kidding? I wouldn't do that even if I had an entire month off. I'll just walk around looking wrinkled.
One thing I am looking forward to: going away this weekend with three other grad students. One of the girls has in-laws with a house in Port Elgin. We're taking our laptops, printers and journal articles and the plan is to spend three days working and bitching and moaning and complaining. I hope it doesn't fall through because I really need a change of scene and to get out of this stinky city.
Oh wait, that's not the stench of piles of garbage on the street because of the strike. That's the whiff of BS coming off my thesis. We don't call it thesis feces for nothing!
1. Clear the 4 cups off my desk and put them in the dishwasher.
2. Clean the bathroom. More specifically the toilet and the shower stall. The floor and the tub can wait.
3. Fold and put away the mountains of laundry in my laundry basket and on the back of the couch.
4. Tidy up the kitchen. Oh those pesky sesame seed bagel crumbs.
5. Mop the floors. The dog was here and he's drippy when watering himself from his water bowl.
6. Vacuum.
7. Buy some groceries so that A's parents don't have to feed me every other night.
8. Take out the recycling.
9. Take out the garbage.
10. Iron. Ah, who am I kidding? I wouldn't do that even if I had an entire month off. I'll just walk around looking wrinkled.
One thing I am looking forward to: going away this weekend with three other grad students. One of the girls has in-laws with a house in Port Elgin. We're taking our laptops, printers and journal articles and the plan is to spend three days working and bitching and moaning and complaining. I hope it doesn't fall through because I really need a change of scene and to get out of this stinky city.
Oh wait, that's not the stench of piles of garbage on the street because of the strike. That's the whiff of BS coming off my thesis. We don't call it thesis feces for nothing!
Friday, July 10, 2009
My first husband
I left the dog with the other wheatens today and went with my friend to have dinner with her brother and his girlfriend at Fionn McCool's on the Esplanade. While there, my friend struck up a conversation with an Irish man at the next table. At the end of the night, just as we were leaving to get the dogs, he announced to his table of friends that I was his second wife. I just didn't know it yet. It was funny. He is a 54 year old detective in the "interesting" and busiest part of Toronto. I have nothing in common with him. In fact, my friend and he had much more in common: a love of Irish history, music and trivia. But it was nice to have an older man tell me that I am lovely :)
Thursday, July 9, 2009
More puppy crap
We walked and played a lot today. Slinky came by to play too. We went to the park and threw the ball around and almost played with the other dogs. There were a lot more dogs today than there were yesterday. And then we walked to the grocery store and Slinky bought dinner and then we came home and she cooked me dinner! It was great. Puppy is finally tired so I think I'm doing something right. Although he has been very poopy the last couple of days. I'm not sure if it's all the twigs he has been chewing on in the park. Even when I throw his ball, he goes running for it but then finds a branch and pounces on that instead. At least he's having fun. I feel bad that he's so matted and dirty. I'm tempted to take him to the groomer so that we don't have to deal with his scruffiness and smelliness for the next three days. But that stuff is not cheap. Anyway, it's so great to see big good looking men with cute little dogs. There was one guy with a tiny little boxer puppy. Man, was she ever cute. She had his eyes :)
Monday, June 22, 2009
An inch might as well be a mile
Okay, I'm not mopey and forlorn anymore. The pity party is over. I slept last night. Which is weird for a Sunday night. I can't remember the last time I slept on a Sunday night. But I woke up this morning feeling refreshed. Weird. Then I spent most of the day at work thesising. Ssssh don't tell anyone. And I spent all day looking forward to my first belly dancing class. This is something I have wanted to do for some time now but I wanted my friend to teach me. I better come up with a name for her....
Slinky.
I wanted Slinky to be the one to teach me. She is an amazing dancer and has been doing the belly dance thing for years. She performs on weekends (in addition to holding down a full-time day job) and she is good. She's not dirty or skanky like a lot of belly dancers you see performing in restaurants or festivals. She is graceful and beautiful and she has a sort of childish innocence that isn't naive at all. I'm not doing justice to her art form. Anyway, I wanted her to be my teacher. So when she phoned me last week to say she was teaching a beginner class, I signed up on the spot. $135 for 8 weeks from 7 to 8 pm on Monday nights. I'm so excited. Fortunately I have years of classical dance training (ballet and bharatnatyam) not to mention salsa and ballroom and swing to build on so I'm not starting totally from scratch. Did I mention that I'm excited?
Anyway, I was going somewhere with this post. I have mostly learned to be somewhat happy with the way that my body looks. I'm never going to be skinny (again) and I work out to feel strong and healthy. I have a few goals, some of which I actively work towards. Like being able to touch my toes. And holding downward dog without wanting to fall on my head. And running without breaking my knees. I would love to be able to do a headstand or a cartwheel again. Or even Bakasana with my feet off the floor.
But you know what I would really love? I would love to lose an inch off my waist. I should stop participating in free ice cream day at the office. And maybe not eat a garlic pretzel at 9 pm. (Oh the plus side, no vampires in my house toight!). But I love food. I'm thinking about dedicating my thesis to Pillsbury brownies in a tube.
Slinky.
I wanted Slinky to be the one to teach me. She is an amazing dancer and has been doing the belly dance thing for years. She performs on weekends (in addition to holding down a full-time day job) and she is good. She's not dirty or skanky like a lot of belly dancers you see performing in restaurants or festivals. She is graceful and beautiful and she has a sort of childish innocence that isn't naive at all. I'm not doing justice to her art form. Anyway, I wanted her to be my teacher. So when she phoned me last week to say she was teaching a beginner class, I signed up on the spot. $135 for 8 weeks from 7 to 8 pm on Monday nights. I'm so excited. Fortunately I have years of classical dance training (ballet and bharatnatyam) not to mention salsa and ballroom and swing to build on so I'm not starting totally from scratch. Did I mention that I'm excited?
Anyway, I was going somewhere with this post. I have mostly learned to be somewhat happy with the way that my body looks. I'm never going to be skinny (again) and I work out to feel strong and healthy. I have a few goals, some of which I actively work towards. Like being able to touch my toes. And holding downward dog without wanting to fall on my head. And running without breaking my knees. I would love to be able to do a headstand or a cartwheel again. Or even Bakasana with my feet off the floor.
But you know what I would really love? I would love to lose an inch off my waist. I should stop participating in free ice cream day at the office. And maybe not eat a garlic pretzel at 9 pm. (Oh the plus side, no vampires in my house toight!). But I love food. I'm thinking about dedicating my thesis to Pillsbury brownies in a tube.
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