Sick

I am still sick. I have learned a few things this time around:

1. Advil Cold & Sinus keeps me awake at night.
2. Nasonex nasal spray (free sample from the doctor's office) is much better. Clears up the passages without the desert-like burning dryness.
2a. Do not apply said nasal spray when driving onto the highway. It is hard to blow your nose and hold a steering wheel at the same time.
3. Always keep a bottle of Dimetapp with codeine handy... preferably one that is not expired.
4. Puffs plus with lotion and Vicks is so much better than regular Puffs plus with lotion! And that's really saying something.
5. My client told me to apply Vicks liberally to my feet and then put on socks. I don't have any Vicks with which to try this but I must remember to lie to him and tell him that it worked.

I hope to feel considerably better tomorrow morning. Must go to bed before codeine kicks in...

Back that Hyundai up...

Dammit to hell I hate women drivers! I was in my underground parking lot, just trying to get upstairs to bed because I'm sick and being stubborn about taking drugs. Perhaps if I had been properly medicated, my reaction time would have been faster and I would have been able to throw my car into reverse when the woman in front of me decided to back up without checking to see who was behind her.

She slammed into me pretty hard. Not a glance behind her at all. She was young and driving her daddy's car. She was profusely apologetic but I got her insurance information anyway. I think I'm fine - I'm shaking and in pain but that could be because I'm sick - and I don't really see any damage to the car. But it's going on a train across the country in less than a month so I don't want to take any chances.

I really need a hug. Enough to let Jesus come over with dinner and hold my hand while I drink my neo-citran. Actually, he did that the last two nights so clearly it has more to do with me being a big sucky baby when I'm sick than getting slammed in the front end. It turns out that the things I find most annoying when I'm fine are the things I find most comforting when I'm sick. I didn't ask him to hold my hand. He just did it. And for a while, I kept moving my hand away and then he would reach for it again later. He has been very attentive. Which is nice, for now. Until my glands are no longer swollen.

I know I'm a terrible person for taking advantage - and how bitchy am I when I'm not sick that those things annoy the hell out of me? - but I'm sure that he's just waiting until I'm well and truly dosed up on decongestant and antihistamines and ibuprofen to take advantage of me!

Quiet time

I took a sick day today. I'm sure, if you read my previous post, you are unsurprised. But I feel much better for having stayed home not doing anything all day except wonder whether my landlady has been paying for cable for 3 years which I have not been getting. I digress. I had a very quiet day. I worked for a bit in the morning but had to go back to bed. I was sitting here at my desk with the heater on, wrapped in a blanket, shivering. Serves me right, I know. But I woke up in the afternoon carrying around a heavy lethargy. I slowly started feeling normal in the evening, even lonely and pathetic for missing my thesis, and I hope this will be the end of the thesis defense exhaustion. I don't know, maybe it will take a bit longer.

Did I mention already that I'm going to Mexico for a week on Sunday? Oh yes, lithe 25-year old bikini bodies. I'm also concerned about spending that much time with people. I'm used to being alone. I'm used to making autonomous decisions and then changing my mind and nobody being the wiser. I hope it will be a fun, relaxing girls trip. And, most of all, I hope I don't return wishing that I had booked a solo trip to Jamaica.

The nice guy blow-off

I realized I had to run some errands on Thursday (drug store, drop off paperwork, eat lunch) so I went out and bought shoes.




I'm glad I did because the rest of my day was kinda crappy. 516 is definitely not interested so I deleted his number and all of his text messages.

This morning wasn't much improved either. Yesterday I sent my mother an email telling her that my supervisors had set a defense date and asking her to help me plan vacation for August. Her response? That the gorgeous green georgette silk sari I picked out myself and wore to the wedding wasn't formal enough. My mother is a bitch. I hate her again. I haven't felt this way in several years but forget about family vacation. I'm not even going to my graduation. If she decides to go, she can pick up my degree for me. I wrote her a long and hateful flamer but didn't send it. I'll probably just ignore her for a while and tell A's mother how I'm feeling. She's pretty much guaranteed to tell my mother.

Also, I think I'm starting to get sick. A lot of people at the wedding were sick so I figured it was only 3 to 5 days before I started to feel it. It's either NYC withdrawal or H1N1.

I'm so miserable. I think the only remedy is pizza and the couch.

Mucus monster

My sinuses (sinii?) are pounding so I am going to write quickly and then spend the rest of the evening horizontal on the couch.

I overmedicated myself (mmmm ibuprofen!) today because I had a superimportantclientmeeting this afternoon. It was well worth it because the meeting went well - nobody asked me any questions and I didn't hork green boogers over everyone - but now the meds (lotsa Advil Cold & Sinus and corticosteroid nasal spray) are definitely wearing off. My sinii are reminding me they're still alive and kicking my brains out with a vengeance.

It's weird. Usually when I get these sinus problems, the drugs dry up my phlegm no problem but this time it's been hanging out between my nose and my throat making it very difficult to speak, breathe or eat. Probably the same reason I haven't been sleeping. Ugh. My ears are plugged too.

It doesn't seem fair. I was sick when I was in India and I had tonsillitis for the entire month of August. How can I be sick again? Is it possible to have my sinii removed, do you think?

Ugh. Wait, I already said that. Okay, off to the couch. I think I had something else to say but it's gone in the snot-induced murkiness surrounding my brain.

What? - Epilogue

This morning, he emailed asking me to never speak to him again. I think I will take his advice. I'm taking a friend to the work party thing on Saturday night. At least I won't have to walk on eggshells and worry about being embarrassed. Hell, my coworkers can even assume I'm a lesbian for that matter. The way she looks. I'm taking my friend in the painted pink dress. It's been a while since I wrote about her but she came through for me before. When B dumped me before Cirque du Soleil. It was her first show and she loved it. She's a great date actually.

I just talked to C le V. Whenever I talk to him, I wonder where the hour went. It just disappears some times. I'm in danger of really getting attached to this guy. He is so sweet and thoughtful and funny. I wish he was here. I'm going to miss him a lot when he goes on vacation in February. Expect to read a lot of mopey lonely blog entries.

Anyway, I have to go to bed before the Neo Citran induced coma takes me down. I had a really great day today. Two highlights: I was asked to manage a big project at work and it will take me to the client's office four to five days a week. That changes my moving plans but I'm thrilled to have the opportunity. Big meeting on Wednesday so hopefully I don't have a raging fever.

Also, I texted my favourite dj on Flow 93.5 this evening on the drive home from work. "Who's my daddy? Scratch is my daddy!" and they aired it! I even got a text back from DVo Brown: "hilarious!". Totally made my day complete.

Parental insanity

I said I wasn't going to blog until I got home to Canadia but the parental insanity is driving me up the wall. I know I'm going to miss my parents
when I leave but my dad is driving me up the freakin' wall. He's 69
and seriously getting senile. He follows me from room to room and
won't leave me alone for 2 minutes! I can't even have a conversation
with A when he's home so I call her when he goes out for his
walks or goes to "work". He's retired but still practices a bit.
Every couple of hours I shout at him to stop following me around which, of course, makes me feel guilty but I'm going insane here. And then he conveniently comes up with
some computer problem for me to fix. The last one was that he somehow
turned on the hidden punctuation in Word and couldn't turn it off.
Sheesh. And he asks me every single day if I'm going to shower in the
evening even though I've showered in the morning. As if that's not
enough insanity, I went shopping with my mother yesterday and she's
serious about getting a Wii. My mom! With a Wii?! I'm going mental
here people! Okay, I'm going to bed because I spent most of the day
throwing up. To be fair to both of them, they looked after me this morning when I was puking and pooping which was a really nice change from begging Grey (or some other random guy) to bring me drugs after work. My dad went to the grocery store to get plain white bread so I could eat toast. My mom put a cold towel against my forehead when I was throwing up. My dad gave me drugs. My mom helped me make soup (she had just done her nails so she couldn't actually do it for me). And they let me sleep and monopolize the TV all afternoon and evening. So yes, it was nice to have them around for that and I know it will be harder the next time I'm alone and sick. But still... they're my parents and they're making me batty. I can't wait to get home!

Montreal highlights and lowlights

I just spent 2 hours on the phone with The Other Guy. I really like talking to him. Enough that The Crush's company pales in comparison. Here are the weekend highlights. And some very lowlights.

Friday
Made good time to Montreal with the princesses. Road trip was fun but was very nervous at prospect of seeing The Other Guy.
Got upgraded to an outrageously awesome suite.
Looked hot.
Went to a gorgeous apartment in the gay neighbourhood for drinks.
The Other Guy was there. It was marginally uncomfortable but I distracted myself by playing with the hostess's teacup Yorkshire terrier.
Went to La Mouche. Danced with fabulously hot stomp dancer. Talked to a tall, dark and handsome man briefly.
The Other Guy got wasted, was obnoxious, hitting on me and everyone else, including the hostess with the teacup Yorkshire terrier. Her boyfriend and his entourage was unimpressed. As was I.
Shouldered the responsibility of getting him home before he got us all kicked out and/or in a fight with the guys we were with. Missed out on saying goodnight to tall, dark and handsome man.
While in the cab and on the walk home, The Other Guy proposed marriage and some other unsavoury (albeit interesting) things. Was too focused on making sure he remained upright to pay any real attention.
Spent the next two hours making sure he didn't aspirate his own vomit and mopping up said vomit. It's hard to roll a 167 lb man onto his side.
Called The Crush. He showed up with their friend The Player to rescue me. Was profusely grateful.
Got back to my hotel at 4.30 am.

Saturday
Woke up and dealt with the aftermath of Friday night.
Went to breakfast with The Crush and our respective entourages while The Other Guy stayed home. Spoke to him on the phone though and filled in some gaps.
Walked halfway across downtown (uphill to St Laurent) in search of bagels. Only realized after an hour that The Crush had not actually GoogleMapped the address and had only a vague idea of where he was taking us.
Put the pissed off princesses in a cab and went back to the hotel for a nap.
Got ready for Saturday night. Looked *OUTRAGEOUSLYHOT*. Seriously.
Went to a fabulous sushi place. Was reminded that The Other Guy tried to kiss the hostess with the teacup Yorkie.
Played bad cop and uninvited The Other Guy. Felt shitty. Was not sufficiently entertained by The Crush to take my mind off it.
Went to W. Felt inhibited by The Crush's sister. Not that there was anything specific. Just felt unflirty while she was sitting next to him.
Danced with stomp dancer from Friday night. Felt significantly better. Got very sweaty. Ended up having a great time.

Sunday
Woke up, packed, rolled out after successfully locating the bagel place on St Viateur.
Made it home in good time but all the while missing The Other Guy and disappointed that I didn't get to see him after Friday.
Exchanged text messages with The Crush. He was too tired to come over tonight.
Watched a ton of CSI NY while trying not to fall asleep.
Received phone call from The Other Guy at 10.30 pm.
Talked and laughed. A lot. Felt confused but happy. Sort of.
Hung up phone at 12.30.
Wrote blog entry.

Sigh. Why are men so useless? Scumbags even? He was sufficiently thankful and sorry for the Friday night fiasco. But I'm more disappointed that the chemistry with The Crush seems to be dying. It may be related to his general disorganization and lack of planning. Also, he still doesn't make me laugh.

I'm not sure if I can be friends with The Other Guy. He does things to me. Makes me laugh and miss him. I guess I have feelings for him and I don't think I can handle a friendship at this point. If I ever speak to him again, I may have to tell him that. Is it okay for me to tell him that? Plus, it's not really fair to The Crush. Maybe I shouldn't be dating him either. Maybe I'm not really even dating him! We're definitely sliding into the friend zone. Perhaps it's time for a boy hiatus.

Feeling icky

I don't feel so hot. I'm not sure if it was the glass of red wine (makes me congested), the peppers in my pasta (I just don't like them and wonder if it's my body sending me a message) or the hot fudge sundae from Tom's (which I have eaten many, many times before) but something tonight didn't agree with me.

If I can't write about humiliating experiences here... wait, I don't think I want to remember this particular experience.

Anyway, I'm freezing cold and exhausted and it's early. I'm actually really going to bed right now. I hope I feel better in the morning.

PS The earlier part of today was good. I found more merino wool longjohns at Lululemon. They're calling them wooly tights this year though. I swear by them. Wear them every single day in the winter and couldn't live without them. They're breathable, very warm and light enough to wear under dress pants. I've tried fleece, I've tried cotton but merino wool is where it's at. Go by some if you're north of the 49th parallel. Oh, hem, Toronto is south of that. Yeah, go by some if you're cold like me. I would link to them but they're virtually impossible to find online. So I wrote this feedback to Lululemon.

Dear Lululemon

You are doing yourselves a serious disservice. In 2007 at the Toronto warehouse sale, I bought some bright blue merino wool long johns. Since then I have looked long and hard for another pair because I swear by them. My girlfriends laugh at me but they are my favourite LL product and I wear them almost every day for the entire winter. Finally, I found them in the Eaton Centre store this afternoon. Only this year, you're calling them woolly tights. I don't care what you call them. Please just promote them! I have looked all over my local stores, surfed the entire website and even contacted guest services (or whatever the email feature is called) and nobody could direct me to them. I wanted to link to them on my blog but I couldn't do that because I can't find them! This is a great product. Hell, I would model them for you if you wanted (not that I'm suggesting that's a good idea, I don't exactly have a LL body!).

Yes, why bother with a bad kisser?

I forgot to mention that Denis is a terrible kisser.

I was thinking about Grey on the drive home today. Only because that's what I always do when I drive home from Baby's house. It has been a very, very long time since I drove back from her house. Since before Denis, I think. Since camping, I think.

I can't decide if I miss Grey or not. I think I don't. I think I finally want better. Different better. Funny better. Supportive better. Conversational better. Respectful better.

My right tonsil is still huge.

Letter to Grey

I wrote this email to Grey.

I'm underwhelmed by your concern for my health. You'll be happy to know that the strep test results came back today. They were negative. However, that begs the question, why is my right tonsil roughly the size of Liechtenstein? My doctor is pretty sure that it isn't regular tonsillitis. It could be mono. But more likely, it's the plague.

She has quarantined me until further notice. I am allowed to take the subway because it's practically a biohazard zone anyway. And I can go to the Dominion on campus to get groceries because that place is full of rats. And Old Chinatown. But I can't go to suburbia or any other groceries stores or take the streetcar. She also informed me that, as a public health hazard, I am required to notify the authorities of anyone with whom I might have played tonsil hockey or otherwise exchanged saliva. I had to tell her about you. They are coming for you. I'm not sure where you are. You don't appear to be home from the cottage yet so likely Toronto Public Health has requisitioned the RCMP and several local military bases to storm random cottages in Gananoque looking for you. Or children that look like you who have raging fevers and enlarged necks.

If you need me, I'll be sitting here at my desk. Waiting for you to express some kind of concern. Perhaps you're just trying to prove a point. That I'm not actually your girlfriend and shouldn't be mistaken for anyone who might have such a privilege. Or maybe you're already dead from the plague. One can only hope.

Perhaps there was a little too much vitriol at the end there. Blame it on the throbbing mass trying to escape from my ear canal.

Chicken soup?

My doctor was suitably impressed at the disgusting state of my tonsils and how far out of my neck my glands are protruding. She might even have said "wow". Maybe I should take a photo and post it on the internet. I'm on antibiotics for 7 to 10 days, depending on whether or not it's strep. Blood work and swab results will come in tomorrow. She thinks it might even be mono. So... back to the couch Olympics. Oh yeah, she also told me to stop kissing so many boys. They're gross. I should kiss girls instead.

Unsympathetic jerk

Grey is such a fucker. He just called me to bitch and moan that he's supposed to go up to the cottage and he feels fine but doesn't want to go if he's going to get sick. He wanted to know how long it took me to get sick and how bad it was. No friggin' sympathy or anything. Just "goddammit, there's going to be kids up there". I really want to write him a flamer right now but maybe I'll wait and be scathing later on this afternoon. I didn't want to go paddleboarding on Thursday because I wasn't feeling 100% and he called me chicken shit. I told him we shouldn't have sex because my glands were swollen and I was probably coming down with something but he jumped me anyway. Serves him damn well right. Jerk.

I'm going to school now. I will probably be a walking public health hazard but it's a sacrifice I am forced to make in the pursuit of my stinkin' graduate degree. I don't have the time, energy or resources to start this experiment over again and that's what I would have to do if I don't go to school today. I'd rather whimper and crawl back into bed. Instead, I'm going to go in, turn on the muffle furnace, put the desiccant in the other furnace and come home for breakfast. I hate school. I think I hate Grey too.

UPDATE: He's on his way to the cottage. Jerk.

Streptillitis

So, my dad seems to think I have strep throat or tonsillitis. I described my tonsils to him last night in an email and got an email this morning telling me to go see my doctor so that she could put me on antibiotics as soon as possible. I have to be at school all day tomorrow - and will likely be a public health hazard - but I'm going to see her on Wednesday morning. Maybe after she puts me on antibiotics I can pick up bubble tea on the way home. God forbid I actually have to have my tonsils out. They don't do that anymore do they?

I couldn't sleep last night. It seemed that every time I started to drift off into dreamland, I had nightmares about Denis and Oompa Loompas. I think I finally got a couple of hours sleep late this morning before I got up and walked to the grocery store and school. Fortunately I was only at school for a few minutes to put a note on the muffle furnace. I had mashed potatoes for dinner. Ate them out of the pot while sitting on the couch watching the whitewater kayaking portion of the Olympics. I think that makes me a mashed couch potato.

UPDATE: Grey sent me a text message. His glands are swollen and he feels like he's starting to come down with something. Now I feel guilty. For telling X that I hope he gets it too and saying "muahaha". Karma. Damn.

98 F thank you 400 mg ibuprofen every 8 hours

Really. Nothing. Except to say that I wish Asshat would quit wordily woolgathering wherever he is and move up here and be my laundry bitch already.

Ick still sick

I really have nothing to post except for sordid sicky details. A's parents came by with food. I have spent the entire day alternating between freezing cold and sweating like a racehorse on ecstasy. Did a load of laundry and am glad I have at least 3 sets of summer pjs. It still hurts to talk and swallow. My hips ache too. Damn old age. Been watching the Olympics when not in too much pain to focus. My mother said that viruses make the fever worse at certain times of the day. As loath as I am to believe anything she says, I'm beginning to wonder if she might be right. That Kyle Shewfelt really is something. I emailed him. I doubt he'll ever read it but I had to let him know how inspiring his story is. Was feeling better earlier this evening and even ordered a pizza. Now my large intestine is protesting. The weather has been appropriate - thunder and lightning and rain all day. Very glad I didn't go camping. Wish that Grey would call or text to find out if I was okay. Am thoroughly enjoying the RBC Olympics commercials but am unsurprised that not a single Air Canada employee appears happy in theirs.

08/08/08

Today has not been a particularly auspicious day and I am very superstitious when it comes to Chinese culture. If somebody asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10, I would pick 8. 1 and 100, 88. 4 is unlucky. And I never give clocks as gifts. My point being that I have a fever of 101.3 and rising, apparently. I fell asleep both times I tried to watch the opening ceremonies of the Olympics. Fortunately I recorded it. Both times.

Denis came by with drugs which was good of him. A friend called and offered but then, when she found out that my friend who hates her husband was coming anyway, she called and told her what I needed. Unfortunately, she only showed up with zucchini banana loaf and lemons. So I text messaged Denis and he delivered. Extra strength ibuprofen and extra strength neo citran. We didn't really talk about too much as I felt like I was going to fall over. I wanted to ask him if he put his profile back online after we got back or some time during the weekend. But I guess it's not that important in the grand scheme of things. There are many things I like about him but there are enough that drive me nuts.

I wish Grey was more affectionate and caring.

Still sick and somewhat confused

Argh. Am well and truly sick. Right gland is swollen and protruding out of my neck. Drinking Neo Citran but unlikely to go camping tomorrow.

Spent the day with Grey. Was no water in my apartment building this morning so called him to bitch and moan. He said I should come over and shower and then go for dim sum. Then we spent the afternoon alternately having sex and paddleboarding (also known as stand up paddle surfing). It was good but really wore me out. We also watched a movie, I think. I forget. Oh right, What Happens in Vegas. It was actually quite funny. There was some tv in there as well. Last Comic Standing. Overall he was quite good to me. He even made me laugh. I guess he's the kind of man that likes to punish himself. Didn't ask me once about the other man. Perhaps that makes us perfect for each other.

Denis sent a text message late tonight. Turns out he dropped off some stuff for me this evening. I had left my bug spray at the cottage and he also built me a pipette stand. Unfortunately, it won't work even a little bit because he didn't keep my drawing. But I suppose it's the thought that counts. He's totally sending mixed messages. He said he built it because he was thinking about me. Probably thinking about how great the sex was and what an idiot he was for being the one to cut it off. He also said I should keep his sweater as a gift and that he would return my book after he had finished reading it. And that he hoped he would see me again and maybe we could hang out. That if I needed anything, I should call him because he's there for me. To quote a friend, "Jeebus!" What the heck is his problem?

8am update: Definitely not going camping. Fever of 99.7. Was chilly all night. Tossed and turned. Now hurts even more to swallow. Need anaesthesia.

Pukey McPuke-alot

Food poisoning sucks. Throwing up bites. It was coming out of both ends for a while there. Damn beef Shawarma. I'm very glad I have two bathrooms. I know it sounds ridiculously neurotic but I like having one toilet bowl to throw up in and the other to do everything else in! If my head is going to be next to ceramic, it better be bleached and sparkly until the moment I puke.

I called Grey and he delivered. Brought me everything I asked for in under an hour. White Wonder bread, Canada Dry ginger ale, President's Choice organic chicken broth. I almost called Denis but I thought, of the two that I want to keep, Grey is definitely it. But now I'm thinking that perhaps I should keep both and have a relationship with neither.

First though, a nap.

Mute

Never been this sick before. Came home from camping and went straight to an insane wedding last night but was too tired to blog about it. Woke up this morning with no voice. Slept all day today. Was awake a couple of times but didn't really do anything meaningful. I desperately need a shower and to put something in my stomach along with the drugs. Cough syrup with codeine or Neo-Citran? Or both? Was so excited to find out that the washing machine was fixed over the weekend but am out of laundry detergent so can't actually do any laundry. I think I'm officially too sick to ask a friend for help because my brain can't process what I need.