Bad date

OH.MY.GOD. That was painful. I knew as soon as we shook hands that it was not going to be a fun evening. I have a rule about handshakes. If your handshake isn't firm, we can't be friends. His was like a dead fish. To be honest, he set off my "gaydar" but maybe it's not that finely tuned! He told me he had been on 90 dates in 5 years. Okay, that only averages one date every two weeks but he said he had been in relationships that lasted a few months. I tried to be open-minded and non-judgmental. Maybe I was just in shock. Or practicing for my Canadian diplomatic service entrance exam. I couldn't get out of there fast enough and that took 2 hours!

There were a myriad of other character flaws including interrupting me and talking over me. I didn't laugh once the entire night. I thought at first that I would nurse my glass of wine but then I decided to toss half of it back and nurse the second half. When he ordered a second glass, I almost fell over and died. After that, I stopped caring what he was saying and just sat there wondering if he was bisexual or just gay. When he condescended to let me speak, I just said whatever I was thinking. No filtering going on at all. He must have thought I was a total nut job. This is the first time "drinks" has not turned into dinner. Ah well, at least I got to come home and lie on the couch. I can't remember the last time I did that. Must have been well over a week ago.

And woo hoo I got my birthday wish :) Is anyone else excited about the history that was made today? I am, and I'm not even a political junkie. I have no good reason for being happy. Just intuition. It's a lot like dating, actually. You just know that something is right. Does that ever happen to you? You meet someone and you just know that it's right. It's like meeting a friend of a friend who has a very firm handshake and you just know that this is a decent, upstanding human being. Or you meet someone who says something funny and, as you laugh, you just know that you have something in common with someone who, just a moment before was some random stranger. I'm looking for that someone who, when I look at him and he smiles at me, the laws of science cease to apply for just a second. But then, when the moment passes, I can put it in my pocket and take it with me wherever I go.

Too much to ask? Yeah, I thought so.

Milestone passed

Is it pathetic that I was sad that I had nobody to help me carry balloons, birthday cake and leftovers up from the underground parking today? I found it overwhelming to be the centre of attention at my birthday "party". On top of having to control my temper with my mother and failing miserably at that early in the evening, being inhibited by her presence was just exhausting. But I am very touched that three of my girlfriends went to such efforts on a Monday evening. I had pink balloons, pink cake and a gift card for the mall. I am debating actually purchasing this outfit.

Okay the website is taking forever. Let's just say it's an outrageously HAWT pant suit. Yes people, I said a pant suit. The pants and the top are actually attached! The thing is, I put it on and looked totally smoking. I am thinking of spending $140 I don't have on the damn thing. I had to walk over to the men's section of the store to have my ass scanned as the bar code had fallen off and every single male head turned to stare. That has never happened to me before. Two guys walked by and said "that's beautiful". That has happened before though ;)

So I walked away knowing that it would still be there tomorrow. I might go to a different store to visit it again. Maybe take a friend.

Other than that, the day was relatively uneventful. I went to pick up my gift from the Government of Ontario. They charged me $134 for my vehicle registration renewal which was charming. I must remember to put the sticker on next time I drive my car. Then I came home after much fruitless shopping for a not-black dress for Baby's wedding (her mother is superstitious so I thought I would make an effort to at least look for another dress). Talked to X on the phone for a while about Halloween, weddings and random crap.

Tomorrow I really must pretend to work on my thesis. Pilates class in the evening is followed by a "meet" - I am no longer referring to them as dates - with another random PoF guy. We talked on the phone and he sounded normal. Not that that's an indication of anything, clearly. Also, one of the guys from Saturday night sent me a fb message. Yay the miracle worked! But it was the cute one, not the chemical one. Sigh. Oh well, it's early yet in dating time right? Maybe he'll reach out later in the week.

Just got an email from my former Valentine. Do normal people consider 256 a nice round number? Hell yes! I must come up with a new name for him.

Happy birthday me!

I was going to reply to GH's previous comment but I decided this thought merited a post.

It has taken me years to get to my present mental state. The two hardest lessons I have learned as a single, independent woman are:

1. Don't give a crap what most people think. It's a total waste of time. Just let it go. I was fortunate enough to get a ticket when the Dalai Lama visited Vancouver and his presence was phenomenal. I learned that emotions and feelings are normal and natural. What we choose to do with them, however, is completely within our own control. Therefore, in order to control your actions, you must accept your emotions, acknowledge them and understand them before you can let them go. As a corollary to this, I have also learned that we are often our own harshest critic and most damning judge. It's a lot less effort to be less hard on yourself.

2. Happiness is intertwined with my outlook on life. Okay, that was inside a fortune cookie I got many years ago. But I have learned that happiness is as simple as a conscious decision to just be happy. It was a difficult lesson to learn and I really resisted it in the beginning. And that's not to say I'm happy all the time. Clearly if you read my blog, you will know that isn't the case. But overall, I am happier now than I was in 2004. Back then, I didn't even know I wasn't happy.

Finally, on a somewhat unrelated note, to my dear American friends, it is officially my birthday. I don't ask for much. In fact, normally I ask for nothing. But this year, I would really like a Democrat in the White House. I'm too hungover and tired to articulate my reasons. Is it enough to say that gut instinct tells me this is what North America needs right now? Can I just ask for that because it would make me happy?

Hmmm.....

I think I may have had two men hitting on me tonight. Not entirely sure because I had a little too much to drink. Okay, a lot too much to drink. But, if I had been sober, I would definitely think there was some blatant competition going on. But yeah, still drunk. Thank goodness for daylight savings. I am going to dance in the dark for a little while.

Wait, I need to write this down. One was way cute and sweet and fun. The other though, he was "it". Great smile, fabulous chemistry. I wanted him to come with us but he didn't. Maybe he's bad news. He made the universe stop spinning. Dear God, please let the miracle of facebook come through for me. I need a replacement for Grey, if nothing else.

Halloween schmalloween

Definitely this "holiday" is overrated. Someone please remind me to skip it next year. Baby and I spent most of the afternoon scouring stores for candy. Costco ran out. Walmart ran out. We had to go to Shopper's Drug Mart and their shelves were pretty bare by the time we got there at 5.30. Baby probably spent around $100 on candy and snack crap (Welsh's fruit chews, Reese's Snacksters, individual bags of Ruffles) from Costco and we ran out! Yes, that's right, we ran out of damn candy at about 8.30. I even had to give away the reserve stash I bought just for myself which sucks. Oh well, I need candy like I need another hole in my head.

We definitely had over 200 kids come by her house and it was overwhelming. Especially the older kids and teenagers who we had to turn away at the end so that we had candy left for the littlest kids. They were pretty cute and I understand dressing them up to go visit the neighbours. But some of the "kids" were bigger than me. Okay fine, I'm not that big myself but still. The worst was the 50-something year old woman who ran up to the door with her kids with her bag out. I gave her a pretty dirty look (good thing they're not my neighbours!) and she gave me a sheepish giggle. I still gave her candy but I wish I hadn't. Christ, some people have no shame. Delorean said she was probably going to sell it at her store later.

Anyway, after that we ordered pizza and sat in the dark until 10 pm. Then we went downtown for a drink at Milestone's. Man, it was insane. I have never seen downtown that busy in all my years of living in this city. I have to admit that I don't understand dressing up to go out clubbing. Maybe I'm just not very creative but I can't imagine spending time, energy and money on a costume that I'll wear once and then freeze my ass off standing in line to get into a club. I don't stand in line to get into clubs on regular days, let alone when I'm wearing a damn costume. I'm sure cover was jacked up last night. And there were some pretty outrageous costumes out there last night.

Anyway, I'm having lunch at A's parent's house and then driving my mother to her next port of call which happens to be the apartment of my favourite septuagenarians kitty corner to my place. "Fortunately" I seem to have lost my spare key.